A Cheerleader Far, Far Away
by alienyouthct
Summary: Cordelia Chase gets a new lease on life after her death on Earth. Heaven help the galaxy far, far away…
1. In Trouble, You Are

Title: _A Cheerleader Far, Far Away  
_ Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18.  
Pairings: Cordelia Chase/Hiskari Dorset  
Disclaimer: Right, I actually went and checked to be sure this time… after being passed around like a slut at a frat party over the past few years, _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , _Angel: the Series_ , and all associated characters now belong to Warner Brothers. And now that _The Force Awakens_ is out and breaking records left and right, I'm reasonably certain that George Lucas regrets selling _Star Wars_ to Disney. Eh, serves the miserable old misogynist bastard right in my none-too-humble opinion. Hiskari Dorset is all mine, though, so I won't be terribly amused if I see her popping up in stories that aren't mine without being asked first.  
Summary: Cordelia Chase gets a new lease on life after her death on Earth. Heaven help the galaxy far, far away…  
Joe's Note: According to my Whole Story saved copy of _Cordylosophies_ from Twisting the Hellmouth, the first chapters of this story date all the way back to August 29, 2006. That sets it firmly before the debut of either _The Clone Wars_ or _Rebels_ , and means that it utilizes some material that was firmly retconned even before the Disney takeover and the introduction of 'Legends' designation for all unwanted Expanded Universe material. I'll be mixing together a little bit of a lot of things here, drawing from novels, comics, and the aforementioned cartoons as I see fit. Some characters will seem very different because of that, but… well, blame the old Lucasfilm crew for not keeping their stories straight? And if you're racking your brain trying to figure out where Hiskari came from, she's an original character. She was first created to add an extraordinarily inhuman presence to _Carry You Home_ , and has gone through a few revisions over the years as she's appeared in different stories. Still mine, though.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"Made exceptions in the past, we have. Yet called before the Council, you are again. Resolved for good, I declare this issue must now be."

Cordelia Chase rolled her eyes before turning her head and pointedly staring out one of the massive windows of the High Council Chamber, preferring the view of the Coruscanti cityscape over the accusing gazes of those she'd been called before. When the Powers-That-Kept-Screwing-Her-Over had offered to reincarnate her in another universe as an apology for that whole Jasmine debacle and the final death of her body on Earth, she'd jumped at the chance. Because honestly, at least in her opinion? Finding out that the Judeo-Christian, paradisal afterlife was really what came after death had been a hell of a disappointment. All white and glowy and peaceful? Who in their right mind would want to spend all of eternity doing something so… well, boring? There was no point to it. Sitting around all day, watching the living. Ugh. It was like a soap opera with even worse actors than a real soap opera. And what was the use of being able to see the newest fashions before they hit the runways if she wasn't even corporeal enough to buy them?

The Powers had claimed that it was a 'reward' and so she'd assumed that they weren't going to send her to Vampire Willow's universe or anything. Which was part of why she'd agreed; with that theoretically taken off the table, what was the worst that could happen to her? A trip to the infamous world without shrimp? And unless they sent her to something really 'alternate', chances were that she'd get to see all of her friends again, albeit slightly differently than she remembered. So she'd said yes.

Evidently, though, she'd been mistaken in her assumption that 'another' universe meant an 'alternate' universe. Because that would have been too simple and logical. Instead, the Powers had packed her up and shipped her off to literally another universe entirely, reincarnating her as a teenage girl on a strange new planet in a galaxy that definitely wasn't the Milky Way. The kicker? She'd still managed to end up as part of her new home's main group of do-gooders… who happened to be emotionally repressed to a degree that would make Angel in his broodiest phase seem extroverted.

To top it off, they had the worst fashion sense out of anyone she'd ever met, and that took some doing compared to the motley crew of companions that she'd had back in Los Angeles: a vampire who couldn't see his own reflection to see how awful he looked sometimes, a former watcher trying far too hard to seem rebellious, a half-demon, a street rat, and a girl who liked to hole up in her room and write on the walls. But giving the Order a makeover - or at least breaking them of their mad-on for various, utterly unflattering shades of brown - was a matter for another day, when she wasn't getting bitched at by the Council for having fun. Again. "I still don't see the problem. She wanted to have sex in the training room, I obviously wanted it, we're both legal adults, we locked the doors to keep impressionable young eyes away…"

"And yet despite your best attempts, you were discovered." Adi Gallia tilted her head and regarded Cordelia with the eerily dispassionate look the brunette was becoming all too familiar with seeing on the faces of the older Jedi. Honestly, she knew they were annoyed with her. Who did they think they were fooling by busting out their best statue imitations? "Do you remember why?"

Cordelia blushed faintly and nodded. To be fair, though, while she had the memories of a eighteen-year-old who had been raised in the Jedi Temple since she was an infant? She wasn't actually one, and so she regularly slipped and thought like a normal human girl rather than a Force-sensitive one. Which in turn had caused her normally detail-oriented mind to overlook something that should have been incredibly obvious, and would have been to any of her peers. Although Hiskari hadn't thought of it either, which made her feel slightly better? "We forgot to shield ourselves, and so we ended up broadcasting… stuff. To people."

Steepling his fingers beneath his chin, Mace Windu arched an eyebrow at her words but otherwise remained impassive as he stared down at you. "An understatement if I've ever heard one, Padawan Chase. Nearly a quarter of the Temple was exposed to your 'broadcast', including a large number of younglings. Younglings who now have many questions… that you are going to be stuck answering. Assuming that you can convince us not to expel you from the Order, that is." They were going to make her teach Sex Ed to little Jedi-to-be? That was… harsh but fair, she conceded. Hmm. Considering what the alien-to-human ratio was like in the Order, she should probably bone up on her non-human anatomy and mating practices. Heh. Bone up. Wink wink, nudge nudge. "Attachment is forbidden. Your relationship violates the Jedi Code, and we have already spoken to you once about the matter. Yet you and Padawan Dorset continue to grow closer. Your failure to deal with the situation of your own accord means that we are now forced to address the matter for you."

Yes, and Cordelia was sure that it was a hardship for the Samuel L. Jackson lookalike. He'd had it out for her ever since that time that she'd convinced one of the Temple astromechs to load a crate of snakes onto his _Eta_ -class shuttle to see how he dealt with the 'motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking ship'. Which had ended with him plowing the poor craft into the side of an equally innocent _Arquitens_ -class light cruiser. Nobody had walked away from that one happy, especially Cordelia. She'd spent good money on those snakes, and he'd gone and gotten them killed. Ugh. Loser. And besides… "Please, like you're actually going to kick me out of your little club. I've got a midi-chlorian count of seventeen thousand, and enough training under my belt to be a serious pain in your asses if I was allowed to roam free. Oh yeah, and there's that whole part about me being incarnated directly as one of your padawans. I'm literally a gift from the Force."

"Return you, I wish we could." It was only her years of learning to listen very careful for signs of sneaking vampires that let Cordelia pick up Yoda's muttered complaint. Raising his voice to normal levels, he continued. "Aware of your unique origin, we are. Saddled with your presence, the Jedi Order very well may be. Sound, your reasoning is. Yet… with Padawan Dorset, inappropriate your behavior is. Stop it, you must. Required in the Order, her presence is not."

It took Cordelia a few seconds to translate that from gnome-speak to Basic, and then her eyes narrowed. "So what, you know you can't get rid of me so instead you're going to threaten to kick Hiskari out if we continue to see each other?" After a few seconds, she realized exactly why the idea bothered her so much - apart from the obvious, of course - and fixed Yoda with an indignant look. "Wait. I can think of at least two-dozen different padawans I've caught getting horizontal with each other. Why haven't I heard about any of them getting called before you so you can bitch at them?"

The gathered Jedi Masters shifted as they exchanged looks, their unease easy for Cordelia to detect through her increasingly refined connection to the Force. Whatever the answer was, clearly none of them wanted to be the one stuck voicing it. Finally, Shaak Ti let out a low growl of annoyance and broke the silence. "To be a Jedi does not require you to be celibate, Jedi Chase. It is solely attachment that's forbidden."

"Woah woah woah. Wait a minute. Are you serious?" Cordelia held up her hand as she stared at Shaak Ti in disbelief, trying to figure out whether the Togruta meant what Cordelia thought she meant. Because if she was hearing things right… she'd quite possibly stumbled onto the perfect Get Out of Jail Free card for her and Hiskari. Or - failing that - her sex life was going to be a lot more interesting from here on out. "So you're telling me that I can have sex with other Jedi - and presumably other non-Jedi too - as long as I don't date any of them? Or fall in love, obviously? That's the message here?" Shaak Ti just gave her a grin full of sharp teeth even as the other masters suddenly found the world outside the chamber's windows fascinating. "That… is… fucking… awesome! Pun totally intended. Holy shit. I feel like I should make a To-Do List so I don't forget anyone. All right, give me a second… let me think… okay. I have a plan. As soon as you dismiss me, you guys can call Hiskari up here, read her the riot act, and kick her out of the Order. It'll be a lot easier than me figuring out how to dump her."

Eleven other heads snapped to stare at her so fast Cordelia was worried they'd all get whiplash. "Your abrupt reversal of opinion on this matter is… unsettling. And a 'To-Do List'?" Mace looked vaguely discomfited by the phrase; while Cordelia assumed that the term was familiar to him, he was at least smart enough to realize that she wasn't talking about it in the traditional sense. "What exactly do you mean?"

Cordelia clapped her hands together as she looked around the room, grinning widely. "Do you know how many amazingly hot padawans you have running around the Temple right now? Both guys and girls? With the exercise program you've got us all on, you could probably run the galaxy's top modeling agency. If I'd known that dating was taboo but sleeping around was cool with you guys, I would have started bed-hopping a long, long time ago. I mean, I know Master Ti's got an adorable Mini-Me running around, I've met a lot of guys here who are positively gorgeous, and there are at least five different flavors of Twi'lek in the Temple right now. Maybe I'll go taste the rainbow." By now the masters were all looking incredibly uncomfortable, but Cordelia decided to go for the kill by making things personal. "Or… why waste my time on a bad copy when I can have the original? Master Ti, there's this Corellian restaurant I've been wanting to go off-grounds to visit ever since I began reading about galactic cuisine. Since I'm still a padawan, I'm not allowed to leave without an escort. What are you doing tomorrow evening?"

"In the past, we have made exceptions for your living quarters, your education, and your desire to embrace current galactic fashions instead of traditional robes." Eeth Koth closed his eyes for a moment, head tilted to one side, before opening them against to stare at her. "I'm believe that in light of the relevant new information you've brought before the Council regarding your case, we should make another exception for your relationship with Padawan Dorset, just as Master Mundi has received special dispensation regarding his wives due to the nature of Cerean society. All in favor?" His hand and eleven others shot up into the air. "All opposed?" None. "I believe the matter has been resolved. You're dismissed."

Bouncing up and down on her toes a few times, Cordelia grinned. "Now was that so hard? If you'd just figured that out the last time we had this conversation, we could have saved us all some time." Looking around, Cordelia waited but nobody spoke up to dismiss her and so she jerked her thumb back over her shoulder toward the turbolift. "Well, I should probably get back. You guys pulled me out of a training session. An actual one that is, not one of my fun little 'training sessions' with Hiskari. This was fun. We should to it again sometime." Before one of the masters could answer, she hustled over to the turbolift. Pressing the right button, she gave the assembly a wide smile before disappearing from view.

* * *

"Tricked, I believe we were." Yoda frowned as he turned his hover chair to face the shadowy alcove behind him. "Ashamed, I feel."

A figure emerged from the darkness, cloaked in the standard brown robes of a Jedi. "Hiskari Dorset is my padawan. At least with the present situation, Jedi Chase's oddness is contained to just one other member of the Order." J'Mikel gestured to Eeth Koth, then Shaak Ti. "I personally believe we should choose to look at this outcome as a victory; I've seen her looking at your Padawan Tod, Master Koth, to say nothing of the individuals she mentioned outright. If we had to choose, would you rather see Jedi Chase with Padawan Dorset or hopping from padawan to padawan and infecting others with her bizarre ideals and vocabulary?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Most certainly not."

"A good point do you have."

"I find myself… conflicted. I actually have been meaning to visit the restaurant that Jedi Chase mentioned, and having someone to pick up the tab for me would have been nice." All attention turned to Shaak Ti, who merely shrugged. "Given that none of her income-earning ventures actually violate the rules of our order, we have been unable to forbid her from engaging in them and her personal wealth continues to grow. It would have been easier for me to take advantage of that, rather than justifying my need to requisition Republic credits from the Temple quartermaster so that I can dine out some night."


	2. A Celebration

Joe's Note: For the record, while this story may indeed become a 'Cordy Does Coruscant' story at some point, in the same vein of so many male-centric crossovers that result in the Gary Stu of the author's choice bedding every single woman from the fandom that the author finds even moderately attractive? Cordelia's solution to the crisis facing herself and Hiskari was her using the rigid morality of the Jedi against them, nothing more. Is this version of Cordelia flirty? Yes. In possession of a dirty sense of humor, especially compared to the emotionally repressed Jedi? Yes. Mischievous and manipulative? Yes and you betcha. But a slut? No.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Descending to her desired floor, Cordelia emerged from the turbolift and broke into a smile at the very familiar figure waiting for her. The brunette shook her head in amusement; her girlfriend - she supposed it was truly official now that they had dispensation from the High Council to be together until they split of their own volition - had a bad habit of camping out in areas she knew Cordelia had to pass through so that she could waylay Cordelia for hugs, kisses, and other adorable displays of public affection. It was one of the many things that would have normally turned her off romantically but only managed to seem cute when it came to Hiskari Dorset.

Like, well, Hiskari herself. Before her reincarnation adventure, Cordelia had been strictly about the humans… emphasis 'mans'. Demons were more Xander and Buffy's thing than hers, while girls were Willow's domain. Well, if she was honest with herself, Cordelia had been starting to fall for Doyle when he died… but he didn't really count, being a half-demon and a human-passing one at that. She also didn't count her two bouts of freaky demonic pregnancy because hey, lack of consent and all that. Didn't really count in a discussion about her choices, now did they? In her new life, on the other hand, the weird-looking beings that surrounded her were aliens rather than demons, and even that wasn't always true. While Hiskari was about as similar to Cordelia genetically as a squid was to a human, there were a whole bunch of cute near-human species who possessed horns, odd skin tones, spots, or other significant differences despite being only a tiny bit different from a baseline human DNA-wise.

Cordelia was still amused by the fact that the Powers had quite literally dropped her into Hiskari's bed. She would probably never know if it was a random place they'd chosen to materialize her new body or if they'd been trying to play matchmaker… but either way, it's where she'd appeared out of thin air when she arrived two years ago in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The security logs - and how creepy was it that they watched each other sleep? - showed Hiskari slipping into her tank and sleeping alone for several hours, before suddenly finding herself wrapped in the arms of the newly-reincarnated Cordelia. Hiskari had awoken seconds after that on account of Cordelia's thrashing and flailing after inhaling water, leading to copious amounts of shouting and some threatening. Then had come tests out the wazoo and a whole bunch of arguing between the members of the High Council. Eventually, though, they'd arrived at a consensus and informed Cordelia that she'd be staying in the Temple.

It hadn't been until six months after Cordelia's arrival that Hiskari had been able to talk to her without blushing, stammering, and fleeing à la high school Willow. Even then, it had taken another month of regular conversations and hanging out - a concept that Cordelia had actually found herself needing to introduce her fellow teenagers to - before Hiskari had been able to step forward and confess that she felt a bond with Cordelia. That had inspired a few long brooding sessions on the brunette's part before she'd come to the conclusion that Hiskari was someone that she really enjoyed spending time with and that if she could find alien men attractive, what was wrong with being attracted to alien women? Once she'd made that decision, the vaunted Jedi Code was never an obstacle. Her reincarnation had changed several things about her, but at her core? She was still Cordelia Chase. She didn't follow the masses, she was the one at the front of the pack giving them directions.

They certainly made for the oddest-looking couple in the Temple, that was for damn sure. Cordelia had been given back her original body - or something close enough to it that she couldn't tell the difference - and had finally grown back to her official DMV height of a hair over five feet, seven inches. Her skin had slowly but surely paled as she spent more time in the Temple than outside soaking up Coruscant Prime's rays, making her dark hair and eyes appear even more striking. Even more striking because… well, she was just as voluptuous in this life as her last. Combining that with the snug outfits she preferred was enough to make her stand out among a group of people who favored ugly brown robes, unflattering haircuts, and overall androgyny.

Hiskari, on the other hand, definitely wasn't beautiful by human standards. Even Cordelia was honest enough to admit that her girlfriend looked like the unholy lovechild of a human, a Rowell alien, and a squid. But for some reason that continued to elude her, Cordelia had come to find the long, sleek lines of Hiskari's body to be beautiful. Sure, kissing her girlfriend's neck and getting a mouthful of gills had been ubercreepy before she learned to aim higher, and those bulbous red eyes were unsettling to have staring at her when she was in trouble. And Hiskari was a bit shorter and a good deal more petite than Cordelia was, meaning they couldn't share outfits if they wanted to. But that was okay with her these days. It'd taken several years and a half-demon love interest, but Cordelia had finally learned to appreciate people for what was on the inside instead of the outside. Even if the outside had headtresses, webbed hands, and gills. The only thing she really had to worry about was making sure she didn't buy anything that clashed with her girlfriend's pale blue skin tone, but other than that, things were copacetic.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, Cordelia returned her attention to the Nautolan and raised an eyebrow. "You know, waiting places you know I'm going to be? So not the way to prove to the Council that we're not attached to each other." She made sure to soften her words with a smile, just in case her girlfriend missed the whole concept of 'teasing' again.

Evidently Hiskari got it, though, grinning back at Cordelia even as she twiddled her webbed fingers nervously. "Considering it was my idea that got us in trouble, I wanted to find out what was going on." Reaching up to fiddle with the tip of one headtress, she nibbled on her lower lip as she stared up at Cordelia and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, the vaunted Jedi calm cracked and she started getting visibly impatient. "So, what's going on?"

"Oh, the usual High Council whining." Cordelia waved her hand back in the direction of the turbolift dismissively. "Attachment is bad, you need to learn better emotional control before Hiskari leads you down a dark path, we know we can't get rid of you so maybe we should throw your girlfriend out of the Order…" Hiskari displayed one of the few physical tells that she shared with humans then, the blood draining from her face and shifting her skin from a pale blue color to pasty white. "…and then Master Ti either made a huge mistake or threw me a bone, I still can't figure out which. I asked what the big deal was, since I've walked in on other pairs of padawans and we're the only one they're complaining about, and she let slip that it was our relationship that bothered them and not the actual sex. The emotional, not the physical. And so I might have mentioned that if you were gone, I'd sleep my way through most of the other padawans. Of both genders. And maybe Master Ti herself."

Hiskari gasped. "You didn't."

Grinning, Cordelia buffed her fingernails against her navy jumpsuit. "I so did. Empty threat because I was never into the whole 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' thing in my old life and I'm not about to start now… but they didn't know that. And it freaked them out enough that Master Koth decided to jump in on our behalf. He pointed out that since they're pretty much stuck with me, if the alternative is me running wild and corrupting other padawans? Maybe a few knights or even a master? It made a lot more sense to give the two of us an exception. Basically, they've declared that they're going to sacrifice you to keep me contained. Which means that in a roundabout way, they're officially cool with us now."

"You rock!" Hiskari squealed, launching herself at Cordelia and wrapping her legs around the taller girl's waist. Cordelia laughed and hugged Hiskari back, enjoying the smaller girl's furnace-like warmth. She still marveled sometimes at how much she'd managed to rub off on Hiskari in their time together, both in terms of vocabulary and mannerisms. Most of the Jedi were physically standoffish and spoke like a college English textbook, but she'd managed to 'fix' Hiskari with some time and determination. Leaning in, Hiskari pressed her lips against Cordelia's briefly before pulling back. "So, they just sent you on your way? No punishments like, say, taking away your private quarters?"

Cordelia raised an eyebrow at the not-actually-a-random question. "Um, no? I'm the Girl-With-No-Master, dear. Where else would they put me, especially since they're trying to keep me away from impressionable young minds? Although speaking of punishment… if you think about it, you're kinda beyond the reach of the Code now too. And the Council. I mean, if you ever do something bad enough that they threaten to give you the boot? You can just smirk and slide that whole 'Cordy will sleep her way through the Temple and corrupt your precious Order' thing back out there. Because hey, evidently nothing is scarier than people having some fun around here. But like I was saying… you're untouchable. Because you're touchable. Wink wink. I'm gonna buy you so much stuff. Real clothes. Jewelry. Random aquatic stuff that looks cool. Oh! One of my designers has been wanting to talk to you ever since you came with me to that one fitting; evidently they're looking to expand into aquatic and amphibious fashions and would love to bring you aboard as an official model for those designs." Suddenly, her mind drifted back to Hiskari's original question and she took in the little smirk gracing her girlfriend's face. "…why?"

Letting out a disbelieving chuckle, Hiskari brought one hand up and gave Cordelia a gentle swat upside the head. "To quote you? 'Um, duh!' We just got the kind of exception that's handed out to maybe one Jedi in a thousand. Five thousand. Ten thousand? I have no idea exactly how many Jedi there are right now, but I only know of two who are openly allowed to be in a relationship. Cereans, both of them, which means that they only have it because of the low birth rate problem that their species suffers from. Which makes what we were just given incredibly special and important." Leaning in, she bit down on Cordelia's lower lip and tugged it gently as she pulled back, releasing it before winking at the brunette. "I was thinking we should go celebrate. Just wanted to make sure we had somewhere to go to."

"Oh please, like whether or not my room is available has ever slowed us down in the past." Cordelia gently patted her girlfriend on the ass, Hiskari obediently unwinding her legs and dropping to stand on her own two feet. The Nautolan immediately grabbed Cordelia's hand and began tugging her down the hallway, Cordelia's longer legs allowing her to keep up easily. The two passed Aayla Secura in the hall, the Rutian Twi'lek giving Cordelia a smirk and a knowing look as she slipped by, flashing three fingers at the brunette who nodded in agreement before turning her attention back to Hiskari. "At any rate… what exactly did you have in mind for this 'celebration'?"

Hiskari peered up at Cordelia and her pale blue skin flushed an almost sapphire color in two spots high up on her cheeks as she pulled her hand out of Cordelia's grasp, pulling it up into the flowing sleeve of her brown outer robe for a moment before emerging with… a trio of shiny metal balls? What..? "What would you say to me, you, a few of these, and some… um… creative telekinesis practice?"

Wow. Considering the source, that was a shockingly naughty suggestion. Cordelia grinned widely. She was such a good influence on Hiskari. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to the top of the Nautolan's head, right at the base of one headtress. "Well, Master Windu did say I needed to work on my control of multiple objects." Although… Cordelia looked back over her shoulder, only to find Aayla long gone. Damn. Maybe she should have told the Twi'lek she needed to reschedule entirely instead of just pushing their practice back a few hours?


	3. A Smackdown

Joe's Note: Going through this chapter, I fixed a whole bunch of tiny plot holes or generally illogical bits, such as why Hiskari - who is slightly younger than Cordelia - would have a fully functional, ceremony-forged lightsaber when Cordelia didn't? How could someone with training sabers spar with someone with a full-fledged lightsaber without getting seriously injured? Why was Cordelia training with Aayla Secura despite access to older and more knowledgeable Jedi? Apart from 'because she's blue and hot', that is? Also, keep in mind that this and other chapters will use the more loose and open version of Aayla that we see in the books and comics, as opposed to the version seen in _The Clone Wars_. Still don't know why they did that; couldn't they have created another Twi'lek Jedi if they wanted that kind of character? It's not like they weren't creating strong women by the truckload or anything…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Exactly two hours and fifty-four minutes later, Cordelia came breezing out of the refresher as she tugged the zipper of her sapphire jumpsuit upward, crossing the room so that she could retrieve a matching cloak from the closet. Hiskari was already dressed and waiting for her; given that it was an odd-numbered day, her girlfriend had also taken care of cleaning up the mess left behind by their enthusiastic lovemaking. To be honest, Cordelia was kinda surprised that the shower wasn't the source of more arguments; evidently, it wasn't so much the water itself as the feeling of being submerged that called to Hiskari and so the Nautolan tended not to linger. Baths, on the other hand…

After spending a few more minutes making sure her hair was presentable and her tasteful amount of makeup looked good, Cordelia grabbed Hiskari's hand and interlaced their fingers as she led the smaller girl out of her quarters. Given the size of the Temple, it took them nearly twenty minutes to travel from the accommodation sector in the northeast corner of the ziggurat to their preferred lightsaber practice room in the southwest quarter. As they entered the room, Cordelia's mood abruptly plummeted as she found someone other than Aayla waiting for her. Someone she really wasn't in the mood to see. Before she could turn around and walk back out, though, Anakin Skywalker got his last swing in and shot a scowl back over his shoulder at them as he deactivated the remotes he was training with. "Just what I needed to make my night complete. A visit from the Dyke Side."

Who would have thought that teaching various slurs to this universe's do-gooders would ever come back to bite her on the ass? Refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he affected her, Cordelia forced a bright smile onto her face as she walked deeper into the room. "Aww. Cheer the fuck up, little emo boy. You're still the Chosen One. The Council kisses your ass even if they're busy staring at mine." Shrugging off her cloak, she used the Force to float it over onto a hook on the wall. "You going to clear out or do you wanna be my practice dummy for the night?"

Blinking a few times, Anakin opted to skip back a sentence in the conversation rather than answer her question. "I doubt that any of the masters on the Council - or any Jedi other than your pet squid - spend time admiring your posterior."

Cordelia laughed as she turned away from Anakin, before peeking back over her shoulder and bringing one hand down hard on her right ass cheek. "Please, look at the crap that most of the girls around here have to wear. Then add in that I'm really, really fucking hot and even Master Windu peeks when I bend over. As much as he hates my guts, he evidently can't help loving this butt." Straightening up, she turned back to face him and gestured at the still-ignited lightsaber in his hand. "So… staying or going, Emokin?"

"Uh… whah… huh?" It took Anakin's eyes several seconds to remember where her face was, making Cordelia sigh. She hadn't meant to break the little reject's brain, just have a little fun at his expense. "What was the question?"

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia gave him a very mild push with the Force. "Focus, Anakin. On something other than my admittedly fine posterior, that is. Are you staying or going?"

Anakin grunted and stumbled back a step from her push before narrowing his eyes at her. "I was going to leave, but it's not like I need to be anywhere. So I suppose I can afford to waste some time on you tonight." With a casual wave of his hand, he sent the remotes drifting across the room to clear the mat for them before making a beckoning gesture. Cordelia smirked; she hadn't expected any less of Anakin. They'd begun what was now a series of regular duels when she arrived at the Jedi Temple two years ago, and to date she was maintaining a win-loss ratio pretty close to fifty-fifty. Which she imagined was probably rather distressing to Anakin, given he supposedly was the best and brightest of their generation.

If he'd been even slightly less egotistical, maybe he would have realized that Cordelia had been handed an incredibly unfair advantage by way of her method of incarnation. Save for those like Anakin who had joined the Order 'late' in life, most Jedi were found as infants, raised in the Temple as part of a youngling clan, and then selected to be trained as the padawan of a singular knight or master. Cordelia, on the other hand, had been dumped into her new life with the semantic memories to cover the time she would have spent growing up in the Temple, but no episodic memories of being part of a youngling clan and then someone's padawan. And since her arrival had neither displaced another padawan nor resurrected a knight or master from the dead, it had put the High Council in a difficult position: she was far too powerful and skilled to be dumped into the service corps, but not yet fully trained enough to attempt the Trials of Knighthood.

Eventually, they'd settled on turning her into what Cordelia had nicknamed a 'timeshare padawan', passing her back and forth between various experienced Jedi as their schedules and her learning needs dictated. What that meant for her was that she could learn anything she wanted from a Jedi who was exceptionally skilled at it… including lightsaber combat. Regular padawans were limited by what their master knew or if Cin Drallig could make time for them, while her options were relatively limitless. After careful study, Cordelia had concluded that Anakin had the right idea - not that she'd ever tell him such a thing - and had begun working on a hybrid style of her very own. Combining her training in Makashi under Shaak Ti with the Shien she was learning with Aayla, she'd managed to create what she was rather unoriginally called Makashien: peace through artfully-directed firepower. Anakin's own hybrid of Ataru and Djem So actually made him the perfect opponent for refining her technique, and their fights were a lot like the two of them in general in her estimation: she was the elegant brains while Anakin was the arrogant brawn. Her goal was to slip through his defenses, while his was to batter her into submission.

Sometimes she succeeded.

Sometimes she failed.

And once, she'd gotten frustrated and used telekinesis to concuss him with a training remote.

They were calling that one a draw.

Cordelia drew the twin training sabers that she was still stuck with, sighing as she ignited their awful blue blades. That was one of the few downsides to her current situation: her lack of an official master meant there was nobody to take her to Ilum for the ceremonies connected to the construction of a padawan's first real lightsaber. Or two real lightsabers in her case. She really needed to talk to someone about that one of the days, she mused. Maybe Shaak Ti would take her? According to the Togruta, the lack of curved hilts was keeping her from truly mastering certain Makashi techniques. Filing that away to handle later, she waited for Anakin to finish setting his own saber to training mode before planting her feet a shoulder's width apart and slipping into her modified Makashi opening stance with both sabers held in a low guard position. "Ready?"

"I'm not going to lie, I'm surprised that you didn't ask your girlfriend to modify your saber like she did hers." Taking a step to his right, Anakin began to circle around Cordelia. "Still don't understand why she gets to have a special color of lightsaber crystal, especially since she's still using a youngling saber like you…"

Cordelia just rolled her eyes at the repetition of one of his favorite complains as she began circling the mat as well, starting the slow dance that was a prelude to all of their spars. "Hiskari earned her Veda pearls on a mission to Naboo with Master J'Mikel. It's not like you've never walked away from an adventure with a prize. She's just better at taking care of her toys than you are. Cough _Jabitha_ cough."

Lunging forward, Anakin delivered a series of fierce slashes that were telegraphed so obviously that Helen Keller could have deflected them. It was a bit of a bitch move, Cordelia thought with a smirk, bringing up the living ship that Anakin had gotten killed… but it was a great way to mess with his head. Her opponent backed off for a few seconds before closing the gap between them again so that he could test her defenses with a few more slashes. "So, everyone's talking about how you got called in front of the High Council again over the squid girl. Why do you keep risking your place here over her? Not that I'd mind if I woke up one morning and found you gone, but she's not even the same species as us."

"Yes, well, lucky for me? I acquired a taste for sushi back when I was living on Earth." Twirling her sabers, Cordelia lunged forward and brought both glowing blades upward in a move that would have bisected Anakin vertically had he not jumped back. Well, if he hadn't jumped back and if she'd had real lightsabers. Rather than counterattack, though, he just stood there staring at her oddly. "What?"

Anakin just shook his head in disbelief. "Does anything that comes out of your mouth ever make sense?"

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia twirled as she lunged forward again, utilizing both sabers to deliver a series of slashes over a variety of heights and forcing the supposed Chosen One to contort his body wildly to avoid getting burned by her blades. She ended her flurry of strikes with a pair of strokes that boxed him in and forced him to make a Force-assisted jump up over her head and to safety. "Sushi is a way of serving raw fish back where I come from. I was making a double entendre and implying that…" Turning to face her opponent, she let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. "You know what, never mind. My wit is so wasted on you. Come back and I'll explain it when you're older."

Even as Hiskari snickered at the brunette's flippant answer, Anakin let out a growl and lunged at Cordelia. His blue blade slashed at her ankles first and then he whirled around in one fluid motion to send a second attack at her neck. A slightly more clumsy version of one of her own attack chains, Cordelia realized as she used the Force to launch herself up into the air, floating above both slashes before backflipping and touching back down gently on the mat. Bringing both blades up to soak up the next overpowered slash, Cordelia clucked her tongue before planting her foot against his stomach and forcing him back. "Sloppy. Hiskari's got better technique and she's younger than you."

"From what Barriss tells me, I've got better technique than Anakin in more ways than one."

The way his eyes narrowed told Cordelia that Hiskari's barb had hit its mark and then Anakin was rushing toward her again, only to end up deflected past the brunette thanks to a quick step to the left combined with a spin of the saber in her right hand. Cordelia whirled around as he passed, utilizing a trick that Hiskari had taught her to give him an extra shove with the Force without relying on the traditional mnemonic gesture that most Jedi used. Even further unbalanced by her telekinetic nudge, Anakin stumbled forward for several steps before coming to a stop and straightening up. His scowl growing as Hiskari let out a louder snicker, he slipped back into a ready stance before resuming his slow circling of her. "I still can't believe that you're putting all this effort into learning the galaxy's most useless form of lightsaber combat."

"How do you figure?" Cordelia took a few quick steps towards him, spinning her lightsabers twice before thrusting both blades at his hands. It wasn't a move she'd be able to rely on once she transitioned to real lightsabers but in training, welts and burns to the hands, wrists, or forearms was a really good way to get someone to drop their saber and end a match. "It's not like I have a master to go on missions with. I'm stuck inside the Temple except for my piloting classes, and even then I've only left orbit twice during Hyperdrive 101. My only joy is beating up on little twerps like you. It makes perfect sense to master the form that's best for saber-to-saber combat, instead of one meant to deflect blaster bolts that I never get shot at me."

There was no reply from Anakin, just a sweeping deflection of both her blades followed by another powerful swing at her. Cordelia blocked it just as easily as the others, and the duel continued on. Back and forth the battle went, until she brought her lightsabers up to form an X, catching his blade between them on a downward slash. Sparks rained down around her as the trio of blue blades hissed and struggled against each other. Stronger than her both physically and with the Force, Anakin inevitably began forcing her blades back toward her… and then his eyes widened a bit and he faltered. Cordelia managed to regain a bit of ground before he recovered and leaned into the stroke again, only to falter again after a few seconds.

The cycle repeated itself a few more times, Cordelia pressing him back a little further each time before he recovered. After the fifth repetition, Cordelia finally realized what was going on. Unlike most of the Temple's other residents, she favored carefully coordinated jumpsuits and cloaks in jewel tones… jumpsuits with fairly daring necklines. With his greater height, he was getting an eyeful of her cleavage each time he pressed his attack!

"You should be watching your opponent's eyes. Her real eyes, that is." Cordelia let him get another peek before pushing him back and driving her right knee up into his crotch roughly. His breath leaving him in a loud huff, Anakin fell backward onto the mat before whimpering and curling into a ball. "God, and you people wonder why I went for Hiskari instead of a boyfriend. At least she knows where my face is."

A low, throaty chuckle came from one corner of the room and Cordelia glanced over to find that her girlfriend had acquired a taller, rather familiar blue shadow. Pushing off the wall, Aayla grinned impishly at the brunette as she closed the distance between them. "Is that so?"

Cordelia pondered that for a moment before shrugging. "Among other reasons that don't need to be shared with impressionable young minds like Anakin's." Laughing loudly at that, Aayla waved her hand and used the Force to slide Anakin across the mat until he came to rest at the base of the wall. "So, are we finally going to..?"

"You seem to be doing fine without it, but yes. Tonight we'll officially be starting Jar'Kai. As long as you promise not to start calling your combat style Ma'kaishien or something equally ridiculous." Aayla reached down and unhooked a pair of lightsabers, switching them to the training setting before igniting the blue blades. "The use of two blades - one to support the other - can be traced back thousands of years and was common to both of our species. The invention of lightsabers has done nothing to lessen the effectiveness of this strategy… as you are about to learn."


	4. An Offer You Can Refuse

Joe's Note: This is the last chapter that will occur before the Battle of Geonosis, which will happen off-screen because as much fun as it would be to have Cordelia mocking Anakin when she shows up with the rescue squad… it's a bit too easy and predictable. Up after this will be the post-First Battle of Kamino arc, then an existing chapter in a new spot to tighten up continuity, two more existing chapters in close to their original spots, and then a whole bunch of new content drawn from _The Clone Wars_ movie and the ensuing television show. With some changes to compensate for my decision to stick with the EU versions of Aayla and Barriss, of course…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"Chancellor Palpatine?" Hovering just inside the office door, Cordelia looked around the massive room - or more accurately, suite of rooms - uncertainly. On a planet where the foundation of each building rested on the roof of an older and less important one, space was a precious commodity. To be given so much space purely for his office spoke volumes about this man's power; namely, that he had lots and lots of it, especially compared to a Jedi kinda-sorta-padawan who probably didn't even legally exist in this galaxy. "You sent a message to the High Council requesting to speak with me?"

The white-haired old man emerged from a side room, smoothing his hands down the front of his robes. "Ah yes, the inestimable Cordelia Chase. It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

Cordelia nodded and took a few steps further into the room as she pasted on Fake Smile #3: 'Dealing with Snyder and Other Authority Figures That She Shouldn't Piss Off'. His attention to his robes made her peer down at her own outfit uncertainly. While the amethyst dress was unlike anything she would have worn back on Earth - well, without being paid a large sum of money if she had to be seen by anyone in it - the designer who had made it for her had assured her that it was the height of fashion among the Coruscanti elite, which her own research via the HoloNet had confirmed. But despite her own misgivings about it… well, you were only fashionable if everyone else thought you looked good. At least until you reached a certain level of celebrity where your choices set the tone for conversations everywhere. And so while Cordelia despised being a sheep, she was realistic enough to admit that she didn't have a prayer of influencing galactic culture… yet.

But contemplation of galactic fashion's shortcomings and her desire to rectify them could wait, Cordelia told herself. For now, she needed to focus on the fact that she'd been summoned to meet with the Republic's equivalent of the president. "Not to seem rude, Your Excellency, but is there a reason you wanted to see me? I know that the Senate just granted you emergency powers… the Army of the Republic is being organized… there's talk of war, even. I'm sure you have much more important things to do than entertain a single lowly… let's just say padawan, since they still haven't given me an official title." There. Cordelia gave herself a mental pat on the back. Inquisitive, but just self-deprecating enough to reassure him that she knew her place without seeming like a simpering moron. Perfect.

"One of the perks that comes with my current station is that I am the one who delegates, rather than the one who things are delegated to. It allows me to foist all sorts of boring, mundane work off onto the people around me so that I can have times to enjoy the more important things in life." Palpatine settled himself behind his oversized desk and then gestured for Cordelia to take one of the chairs on the opposite side. "For instance, I love opera. I'm both a patron of the arts and occasionally dabble in painting. Landscapes mostly, particularly Naboo waterfalls. I collect rare landspeeders. And I try my best to keep tabs on potentially influential members of the next generation of the Republic."

That made sense to Cordelia in a strange, politician-y sort of way. Especially since he was totally going to have to kiss Jedi ass now that a war was breaking out. Just as she'd been leaving the Temple to make her way over to the Republic Executive Building, Cordelia had spotted a large number of the Temple's Jedi mounting up to go rescue Obi-Wan Kenobi and Emokin from whatever trap they'd fallen into now. Something involving Geonosis and the Separatists. Thankfully Hiskari was currently in the infirmary with a torn hamstring from a duel that had gotten a bit too rough, while Cordelia had been exempted due to her lack of proper master to drag her along for the ride. Which left her free to make her appointment with the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. Joy. "I see. So this is what… meet and greet? I get to be the first little Jedi to tell you her favorite color, dreams for the future, yadda yadda yadda?"

Palpatine mouthed those last words silently before shaking his head. "Nothing quite so mundane, Padawan Chase. No, I have heard several reports of your… many and varied skills… and wanted the chance to meet you in person. I believe you have the potential to become a very influential both as a Jedi and a member of galactic society as a whole, and I want to help you along on your way to greatness."

"Really? Because I don't have the patience to be the surrogate mother of a snotty teenage brat, so I don't think I'm ever going to make master. Which in turn means that I'll never be a member of the Council, even if I wanted to be." Leaning back in the plush chair, Cordelia shrugged and eyed Palpatine curiously. "So unless you've got some sort of useless Jedi job placement agency in the words, I don't think that I'm the girl you think I am."

Opening one of his desk drawers, Palpatine withdrew a small stack of datapads and turned each one on before placing them on the desk between them, creating a neat little line of glowing screens. "On the contrary, Padawan Chase, you are precisely the girl that I think you are. Based on everything that I've heard, you are a powerful Jedi who - despite their attempts to slow your progress by fragmenting your education - will soon reach the point where there is nothing left for you to learn at the Temple. I have befriended many a Jedi over my years here on Coruscant and to a man, they believed that one's true mastery of the Force came through experience and experimentation. Those are two things that will be hard to come by for you while under the High Council's thumb, since I doubt they will ever trust such a rebellious member of their Order with a mission of any import. I, on the other hand, see you as a young woman who simply wishes to be allowed to live with the same rights as any other sapient being, albeit one with special talents. So if the Jedi won't help you reach your full potential… I am offering you the chance to better yourself out the walls of their Temple."

Cordelia nibbled on her lower lip as she pondered that. While she was still learning new things on a regular basis - especially from Shaak Ti, Aayla, and Naia Sendar - she'd noticed that her forward progress was slowing. Was that really the reason why? And now that she thought about it, she'd never really discussed her future with any of the ranking Jedi she regularly had contact with. Would they ever knight her despite her unconventional origin and education? Or would she just sorta linger around the Temple as a padawan from now until the day she finally kicked the bucket? Perhaps… perhaps this was an offer worth listening to. Even if he was a politician. "Well, I'm already pretty amazing as it is, but I wouldn't say no to being even more fabulous. What kind of stuff are we talking about?"

Chuckling a bit at her thoroughly irreverent response, Palpatine gestured from datapad to datapad as he spoke, causing Cordelia to lean forward curiously to inspect each of them. "For instance, while Kuat is currently in the last stages of testing with a new fighter for the Jedi to field? I happen to know that Incom has been actively searching for a more independent member of the Order to work with as they try to develop a competing craft. Or you could choose to pursue a more conventional education; being sponsored by the Supreme Chancellor would easily secure you a spot at any of the Core's most prestigious universities." Cordelia pondered both options before shaking her head; as much as she complained about being Coruscant-bound, she didn't want to be a fighter pilot and the idea of going to college just seemed so… boring… in a galaxy teetering on the brink of war. "Very well. Then perhaps given that you seem to be leaning toward the Guardian branch of the Jedi Order, something more militaristic might appeal to you? The Temple may give you access to some of the finest Jedi swordsmen in the galaxy, but I know a number of very talented men and women who could be convinced to tech you how to utilize your blade in ways the Jedi have never dreamed of."

Well now. As fruitful as her lessons with Shaak Ti and Aayla were, Cordelia was always looking to learn more about how to handle the Jedi's signature weapon. "That could definitely be interesting. You'd need to figure out a way to apply pressure on the High Council first, though; I still don't have a lightsaber of my own. Training lightsabers are functionally identical, but I feel like I should have true weapons before I ask some elite instructor to devote their valuable time to teaching me…"

"You are still without the weapon of a Jedi at your age? A travesty. As a sign of my goodwill, I will reach out to my contacts within the Temple today regardless of what you decide." Woo! "Perhaps until then, you would prefer to train in the use of a more conventional weapon? You seem to have a fondness for blasters, which reminds me: if you could leave that hold-out blaster strapped to your right thigh with my secretary next time, my guards would greatly appreciate it." Palpatine seemed more amused than anything else and so Cordelia simply nodded and smiled, rather than pointing out that the Merr-Sonn Quickfire's power cell was fully depleted at present. Which reminded her, she really needed to figure out where she could pick up a charging cable for it. "And if you wished to advance your skills further in more traditional areas of warfare, I could ensure that you received a choice posting within the newly-forming Grand Army of the Republic. And those are just to start. Through me, you could avail yourself of other, more unique, training opportunities. I could help you learn… certain skills… that the Jedi would never approve of and never teach you."

Cordelia's smile never twitched even as her stomach roiled. A politician was making her extravagant offers and then wanted to teach her 'certain skills' that the Jedi weren't big on? Great. She'd stumbled onto the intergalactic version of Bill Clinton. Fantastic. "Well, this is definitely an interesting offer but what's the catch? I mean, what's in this for you?"

"Absolutely nothing. I wouldn't require anything from you in return." Palpatine leaned forward, reaching across the desk and taking her hands in his. "But in the future, were I to need the help of a Jedi? I would prefer that I be able to reach out to you before I contacted the Jedi Council. And that when I called, you would remember what I'd done for you and… be willing to give back."

Palpatine's offer was very tempting and Cordelia was almost willing to take him up on it, to hell with what the consequences might be. Then his gaze left hers, flickering south for a moment, and Cordelia's main worry came back. "Okay, as great as that sounds… you're way too old for me. Seriously, you're like what… sixty? I'm eighteen and change. That's more than three times as old. Now… you're not married or anything and so this is just skanky old man stuff and not adultery or anything… so I'm just going to leave and we're going to pretend this never happened, okay? Thanks. Bye."

"But… but…"

"Seriously, no. Thanks for playing, but I'm not Anna Nicole. So yeah, you're going to stay there and I'm going to walk through this here door, and we'll never ever speak of this ickiness again. Okay?" Cordelia gave a full body shudder as she raced out of Palpatine's office. Why did she get all the creepy admirers?

* * *

Palpatine frowned as he watched the young Jedi flee, carefully recounting every word he'd said to her. What… he'd never even entertained the idea of any sort of sexual liaison with the girl. How had she gotten such an idea from their encounter?

At least this girl wouldn't have to be silenced like the last Jedi he approached. Palpatine had gotten lucky with his former apprentice; it was very hard to find a child with any decent level of Force-sensitivity that the Jedi didn't get to first. That left him with only one real option and so he had taken to trying to pry away the more rebellious members of the Jedi Order. He had gotten lucky with Dooku, but two others had suffered 'accidents' soon after meeting with him.

On to his fourth choice among the current crop of padawans, it would appear. Although a longer-term plan would be needed to successfully separate the boy from the Order, perhaps he'd have better luck with Anakin Skywalker than he did with Cordelia Chase…


	5. Water World

Joe's Note: Back by what I'm hoping is popular demand… more Cordelia! While trying to reconcile the books', comics', and cartoons' separate accounts of the events of the Clone Wars is damn near impossible since they were orchestrated by three completely separate groups of people who almost never talked to each other… I'm going to try my best. Mostly because no one source featured more than one prominent visit to Kamino after the outbreak of the war, and I need two at a minimum to pull this story off. If you're new to this story and wondering why, I'll give you a hint in the form of the title of Chapter 6: 'Cordius Multiplicitus'.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Grimacing, Cordelia tightened her grip on the overhead strap to keep her balance as the deck of the Low Altitude Assault Transport bucked wildly beneath her. A nearby clonetrooper couldn't quite muffle his snicker and Cordelia retaliated with a slight telekinetic shove that sent him stumbling into the bulkhead of the LAAT/i. Asshole.

Why couldn't they have used a more civilized - and comfortable - method of reaching the surface of Kamino? They'd used a T-6 shuttle to travel from the Temple to the _Defender_ before it departed Coruscant; surely a _Venator_ -class Star Destroyer would have some sort of shuttle on board even if their original ride had been sent back to the surface? Anything would have been better than a damn clone gunship that was designed for rapid troop transport rather than comfort. For one, the gunship didn't even have solid walls, which meant she was exposed to the cold wind and rain of their destination. And it didn't even have seats! Just stupid straps of fabric for people to grab and hold! Seriously, they could fly through hyperspace and travel between planets in a matter of hours or days… but they didn't know what seat belts were for? What the hell was that?

Although she should probably stop complaining, Cordelia realized, because at least this little jaunt meant that she was getting out of the Temple for more than a few hours at a time. Even if the ride sucked. Two months into a great big intergalactic conflict and Cordelia… was still mostly stuck on Coruscant doing nothing. Thankfully - although she felt kinda bad thinking it, since the man had been nice enough - Hiskari's master had been killed during the mission to Geonosis and so at least she wasn't completely alone. Or bored. Wink wink. On the other hand, it meant that since Master Windu wasn't around any more to provide a human-sized servant for Yoda - and most of her tutors had been shipped off-world to aid in the war effort - Cordelia had gotten 'promoted' to fill that void. Which meant she now spent her days getting dragged to meetings, diplomatic functions, and any other place Yoda might need someone to carry something or reach for an item more than two feet off the ground. Joy.

Today, that meant they were visiting the oh-so-lovely world of Kamino. The Separatists had launched an attack on the planet for obvious reasons - kill the cloners and then the Republic would inevitably run out of troops as the war dragged on - and so Yoda was making a visit to ensure that the facilities fueling the Bland Army of the Republic were still in decent shape. Cordelia glared at the little gnome's back. When he'd told her of their destination, she'd gone to the Archives and tried looking up Kamino. Nothing. And of course that hadn't been included in the mission's information packet; Yoda had probably assumed she already knew all about the planet since he did and her job was to follow him. Pfft. Like she actually paid attention during his boring meetings. Which was why she hadn't known they were going to a giant stormy ball of water, and chosen her outfit terribly as a result. God, her boss was such an asshole sometimes. Yoda shot a look back over his shoulder at her, but she maintained her glare. Yeah, you heard me! Obnoxious gnome!

A few minutes later, the gunship finally touched down on their assigned landing platform and the doors swung open so that they could disembark. Yoda's cane made little clicks against the metal deck before he let out a grunt and dropped to the platform. Peering down at the puddle he was standing in, Cordelia sighed before following him out into the raging storm. At least they had the good sense to not have some sort of drawn-out welcoming party out on the landing platform, she mused. In the end, though, it was little use: by the time Ko Sai led them through a pair of clear sliding doors and into shelter, her outfit was soaked through from the driving rain. Ugh. Nothing beat cold, soaked cloth clinging to one's skin when it came to comfort.

The procession soon reached the command center where the meeting was to be held, and Cordelia quickly spotted a potential escape route for herself. "Hey, Master Yoda, sir? Can I borrow Aayla for a bit so I can go find a change of clothes? We're pretty close to the same size and I'm really not feeling my current look." All eyes in the room came to rest on her, and then the jaws of every human male present dropped. Or at least Cordelia assumed they had; she couldn't see the clonetroopers' faces for obvious reasons, but they were definitely shooting looks her way. "There is no passion, people, there is serenity." The attention didn't wave and so Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest defensively before stomping her foot in irritation. "Stop ogling me!"

"My previous companions, I miss. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, I am." Yoda let out an aggravated sigh before glancing over at where Aayla was shaking her head in amusement. "If amenable, General Secura is? Required by me, your presence is not."

The Rutian Twi'lek shook her head before pushing off of the holoproject that she was leaning against. "What little military expertise I do have is in squad, platoon, and company-level tactics, not planetary defense. I'm not needed here. Come on, Cordelia. Let's see if we can find you something drier and less transparent to wear." As soon as she'd led Cordelia out of the command center and into one of the complex's featureless hallways, though, Aayla let out a little snicker. "Honestly, Cordelia, wearing a white dress to a planet where it rains nine and a half days out of ten? I would think that you of all people would know better."

Cordelia snorted before tossing her head, letting her soaked hair slap against her companion's face. "Funny, Aayla. Really funny. Hilarious. Don't you think I checked the Archives for information when Yoda gave me this mission? There's nothing. And somehow, you and Shaak Ti both managed to neglect to share the whole 'water world covered in constant rain' tidbit with me. I mean seriously, do you think I would have done that on purpose? The last thing I need is Emokin and Obi-Wank polishing their lightsabers to the mental image of me in a wet white dress." Peering back over her shoulder, she arched an eyebrow. "The clones, on the other hand, I don't mind nearly as much. I looked up Jango Fett after one of the troopers mentioned who their father was, and the Kaminoans definitely could have picked a worse person to make a few million copies of."

"Cordelia!" Aayla looked scandalized as she glanced back and forth between Cordelia and the two clonetroopers trailing them, and wow did that expression look odd on a species with no eyebrows. "I thought you were better than that! Especially after all of the trouble that you've had with the High Council over your relationship with her, that you're so willing to throw Hiskari away for-"

Curling one hand around Aayla's right bicep, Cordelia pulled the Twi'lek to a stop before pressing her free hand over Aayla's mouth to silence her. "First things first, who said anything about throwing her away? Cheating? Et cetera and so forth? I'm just saying that if someone's gonna be fantasizing about me, I'd rather it be the hunky trooper army. To be brutally honest, I'm not sure I'd trust them if they weren't lusting after me. Clearly, they'd be defective." Aayla let out a snort at that, and Cordelia chuckled before pulling her hand away from her friend's mouth. "But secondly, let's say that I was thinking of trading in Hiskari… and that I was interested in playing for the home team again. We both know that the High Council is okay with sex as long as you know the rules: as long as you don't fall in love or anything, you can take care of your needs. The whole 'army of identical buff, hunky men' thing would actually work in my favor at that point: any time I felt like I was getting too attached, I could trade my boyfriend in for a new one." Then something occurred to her and she paused, looking from one of her clonetrooper escorts to the other consideringly. "Although if I did decide to date one… do you think it'd count as cheating if I slept with a different one, since they're all technically the same person?"

The armored troopers looked at each other, and then came a slight pop followed by a slightly altered-sounding voice emerging from the clonetrooper with green markings on his armor. "Personally, I feel like the answer to that would be no…"

"You're hardly unbiased, Kano." Pulling away from Cordelia, Aayla turned on her heel and resumed her trek down the curving hallway. "And Cordelia, I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer." Cordelia rolled her eyes as she followed behind the Twi'lek; she still didn't get the point of replying just to say you weren't going to reply. Clearly, that was in fact a reply. "Just out of curiosity, have you always been this… naughty… or has something changed in the past few months?"

"I'm sorry, do you not remember that time I went in front of the High Council and threatened to screw half the padawans in the Temple? I'm not any more or less 'naughty' than I used to be, Aayla. I'm just even more painfully candid than I used to be because… well, we're at war. What if you die tomorrow? I don't want to be left regretting all the things I never said to make you blush." The two reached a fork in the hallway and came to a halt. "Besides, is the woman who insists that pole-dancing is a legitimate form of exercise really the best person to lecture me about being naughty?"

Aayla's turquoise skin flushed a lovely shade of dark blue at that, and she sniffed before looking away from Cordelia's teasing grin. "I'll have you know that pole-dancing is a very good workout and that's why Twi'leks are taught how to dance from a young age. It builds muscle tone, flexibility…"

"…and a small army of male padawans willing to do your bidding when you make a habit of 'working out' using that nice pole smack dab in the center of that one gym. Your feeble attempt at moral superiority fails." Cordelia's grin widened when Aayla stuck her tongue out in response; as always, it fell to her to keep the Twi'lek from getting sucked into the black hole of seriousness that was the Jedi Order. And just like every other time in past, she'd succeeded at her self-appointed mission. "Now, why are we standing here? I can almost feel those four eyes boring into my ass, and it's almost enough to tempt me away from the Dyke Side for the afternoon. Almost. Which would be a disaster, because I'm reasonably certain that what happens on Kamino doesn't stay on Kamino when it comes to Hiskari."

After a moment of silence, Aayla shook off the seemingly nonsensical comment. Cordelia was well and truly used to that by now; Hiskari was the only one who understood her Earth references and even then it was rather hit or miss. One of these days, she really needed to sit down and see how many of her favorites could be adapted to work in this galaxy and how many would need to be replaced outright with local slang. She was getting damn tired of people staring at her like she was disturbed in the head.

Poking Cordelia to get her attention, Aayla gestured to the left fork with one hand as the other waved down at her own outfit. "Personal quarters are that way. I packed what little I have in the way of a wardrobe when I left Coruscant because I wasn't sure when I'd be back and I didn't want to spend a few months living in the same outfit." Then she swapped, using her right hand to indicate the other hallway as she jerked her left thumb back over her shoulder at the clonetroopers. "The Kamino armorsmiths have a workroom down there. While they obviously wouldn't have anything that fits you right now, I heard one of the Kaminoans talking to Obi-Wan earlier. They're trying to find a willing volunteer to help them fine-tune a new armor design for the clones. I believe this is where you would say… hint hint?"

Cordelia pondered her options for a second. Barely. Behind Door Number One lay a cleavagey, midriff-baring leather top and matching leather pants that were meant for someone with less donk than she herself possessed. Behind the other door lay some kick ass armor that she could hopefully use to convince the High Council to promote her past 'Reach Up To That Shelf, You Must' Girl. She had enough problems with guys ogling her when she wore stuff more covering than Aayla preferred… and she was in a white mood today. And so looping her arm through Aayla's, she tugged the Twi'lek off down the righthand corridor. "Hi ho, hi ho, to the armory we go."

* * *

"…sir, are all the female Jedi going to look like those two?"

CS-1004 gave a discreet shake of his head to convey an answer without giving away to the Jedi that they were using their helmet comlinks to communicate. After spending the last few days around her, the clonetrooper sergeant was finally getting used to the less-clothed form of General Secura. This new Jedi woman, in her nearly transparent dress that showed off more smooth skin and skimpy white underwear than he'd ever seen outside of the HoloNet… she was something else. "I don't think so, trooper. I'm pretty sure that most of them dress like General Ti and General Unduli."

"Thank the Maker."


	6. Cordius Multiplicitus

Joe's Note: Given that I originally wrote this chapter back when we had almost no information on the clones, their development, Kaminoan technology, et cetera and so forth? I've had to do some serious revising with this chapter. The lack of proper - or even abstract - timekeeping in the _Clone Wars_ CGI series does present a bit of an obstacle to using the material in conjunction with the books and comics, but hopefully I can get you to believe that certain events are far enough apart for this story to work. Hopefully. Maybe. Possibly? We'll see…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Three hours later, Cordelia grimaced and waved off the flash fabricated helmet that Tau Shel was offering her. "Pass. I don't even wear one of those when I'm flying. Certainly not going to wear one now. Do you know how bad a helmet messes up a girl's hair?" She paused for a moment and then perked up, snapping her fingers excitedly. "Oh! What about fabricating some kind of tiara or headband you could attach a visor to? You could use it to mount some of the essential gear that you'd put in a helmet, and it'd be less restrictive than a white plastoid bucket."

As Tau Shel wandered off to confer with his minions, Cordelia turned her attention to the sleek white armor she was wearing, twisting back and forth as she took it all in. Oh, she could definitely learn to like a getup like this. Granted it was all flash fabricated prototypes and therefore not suitable for stopping a properly motivated spitball, but if the final product looked this good… yes. All the yes. It was similar to the armor worn by all the clonetroopers she'd met, made of twenty pieces of white plastoid-alloy composite armor over a matte black body glove. Unlike the clones' armor, though, hers was carefully molded using full body scans to create a design that accentuated her curves in an aesthetically pleasing yet protective way. They'd even given her the cute little pistol that she'd been eyeing on the belt of one of the yellow-marked clones. Evidently the DC-17 was generally reserved for clonetrooper commanders, clone jet troopers, and the newly activated ARC troopers… but they were willing to make an exception for her. Perk of being so damn awesome, she supposed.

The lab's door slid open to admit… Taun We? Possibly? While Cordelia was by no means racist or of the opinion that 'all members of insert alien species here looked alike', she was having one hell of a time figuring out how to distinguish one Kaminoan from another. The brunette was pretty sure that it was Taun We, though. Given that she was the project coordinator for the clone army contract and therefore an integral part of the meetings that were going on… what was she doing here? Tau Shel turned to Taun We and the two chattered back and forth in an odd, musical language that Cordelia assumed was Kaminoan or whatever they called their native tongue. Although it was hard to read emotions off the very not-human face of Tau Shel, Cordelia could feel through the Force that he was… unhappy? Annoyed? Finally, he backed down and stalked off, leaving Taun We to make her way over to Cordelia and bow. "Tau Shel speaks very highly of your intelligence and personality, Master Jedi. Would you be willing to come and discuss a potentially lucrative project with me?"

Looking back over her shoulder at Aayla in askance, Cordelia received a baffled shrug in reply. So while the Twi'lek had known about the Phase II project, she had no idea what Taun We had planned for Cordelia either. Well, whatever the Kaminoan had planned for her, it sure as hell beat being Yoda's serving girl or sitting in a boring meeting. Besides, it looked like someone was finally recognizing her worth. Other than Chancellor Clinton, that was. "Lead on. Although I want to come back later so Tau Shel and I can finish. I just had the best idea for a tweak to these boots. Have you ever heard of something called wedges?"

"…not to the best of my recollection, no. However, I shall notify Tau Shel that you wish to speak with him again." Taun We gave another short bow and then exited the room without a word. Cordelia and Aayla exchanged looks before following, assuming that it was just another Kaminoan-human cultural difference. Kaminoan-Twi'lek, too. Kaminoan-rest of the galaxy? The pair followed Taun We as she effortlessly navigated the featureless corridors of Tipoca City, leading them toward some unknown destination. As they continued to walk onward, an idle thought popped back to the front of Cordelia's mind: why didn't these people use horizontal turbolifts, or at least the moving walkways that… well, pretty much every airport she'd ever visited had. Weren't they supposed to be more technologically advanced than Earth here?

Finally, they arrived at their destination and Taun We gestured for them to precede her. Cordelia peeked around the doorframe and then slipped into the room, both eyebrows climbing as she noticed that the room's three Kaminoan occupants were bustling around what was most definitely a hospital bed set up for something closer to the baseline humanoid form than they themselves possessed. "Okay, anyone want to clue me in on why 'talking' suddenly involves a bed? I'll tell you what I told the Chancellor: just because I'm young and hot doesn't mean I'm like that…"

The quartet of Kaminoans looked incredibly confused by her outburst and Aayla groaned, bringing a hand up to rub the bridge of her nose. "Cordelia? They're cloners. They can't even reproduce outside of technology. And even if they could, why would they want to do that with you of all people?"

Cordelia glared at her friend. "Hey! I'll have you know that I am a prime specimen of femininity and if I was on the market, everyone would jump at the chance to be with me. Except I'm not on the market. Hiskari, remember? Which… well, between her and the scene earlier, I dare you to deny that I have all-gender and cross-species appeal. Anyway, getting back to the question of the hour…" She returned her attention to the Kaminoans. "Why are we all standing around a bed?"

"We are ashamed to admit that our knowledge of humanity is woefully incomplete, Master Jedi, in areas ranging from anatomy to aesthetics to psychology. While we did our best to prepare and provision the Grand Army of the Republic for its eventual use, we have discovered that certain errors were made along the way." The sole female of the Kaminoan trio who had been waiting for Cordelia - likely the leader, based on her slightly more ornate outfit - gestured first to Cordelia and then over to where a cylindrical droid sat in the corner. "The project that you assisted Tau Shel with earlier is part of that effort; he has been tasked with responding to the clones' concerns about their existing armor. Their second most frequent complaint has to do with the quality of their base-side medical care. While the droids that we purchased from Medtech Industries are quite capable, we have been informed that they lack a 'human touch'. The clones find them to be cold and impersonal, which is evidently detrimental to their recovery."

Blinking a few times, Cordelia looked from the droid to the Kaminoan woman to the bed, and then started the cycle all over again. After a few repetitions, she still had no idea what their problem had to do with her. And so she asked. "What does any of this have to do with me?"

"After extensive study, we believe that we have arrived at a solution that is so simple, we are ashamed to admit that we didn't think of it initially. Clones with rudimentary medical training already exist, embedded within each squad. So we will use cloning to introduce a 'human touch' to their post-battlefield medical care. Your touch, hopefully." Wait, what? Cordelia's eyes grew - if possible - even wider as she stared at the Kaminoan in disbelief. She wasn't a doctor or a nurse or… was there something below a nurse? And there was only one of her, so how the hell was she supposed to..? "Taun We brought you to us because she believes that you would be a suitable genetic template for a new line of clones, who will enter the Grand Army of the Republic in a purely medical capacity. You would, of course, be very well compensated for your time and the donation of your genetic material."

That sounded pretty damn cool, actually. And not the 'very well compensated' part, either, although Cordelia wouldn't say no to a new source of credits. But seriously… who better to become her new generation of Cordettes than more Cordelias? And she could be literally beside herself sometimes. Aayla had to rain on her parade, though. "Cordelia? I'm not sure the Council would be comfortable with you going through with this. Cloning a mercenary is one thing, but cloning a Jedi..?"

Shaking her head, the Kaminoan pulled out a datapad and tapped a few buttons before handing it to Aayla. "According to studies we've done on the blood donated by several generous Jedi, the accelerated aging process that we employ would prevent the clones' midi-chlorians from forming in the same number as in the clone template. Accordingly, the clones would still be able to use the Force but in a very limited capacity. Enough to aid them in their role as healers, for instance."

"Well isn't that just a remarkable coincidence? And Aayla, if Yoda didn't want me getting cloned, he clearly should have told me to stick closer to him." Cordelia looked down at herself and then over at the bed. "How do we do this? I'm assuming that we're going to start with some sort of exam, then contract negotiations, and then finally some full-on mad science shit?"

As Aayla muttered under her breath about how much trouble she was going to be in, Cordelia stripped out of her armor and black body glove before put on a hospital smock that was eerily reminiscent of being on Earth again. Evidently she could die, resurrect in a galaxy far, far away, and still some things never changed.

God, her ass was cold…

* * *

She was never going to complain about going to the gynecologist ever again.

Ever.

Lying there on the bed with her feet in the stirrups as a FX-6 medical droid poked away between her thighs, Cordelia stared at the ceiling and tried to focus on anything other than stealing Aayla's lightsaber and jamming it through the floating trashcan's midsection. After they'd performed whatever tests they deemed necessary and the results had come back in her favor, Tau Shel had approached Cordelia with a contract. Fast and furious negotiation had ensued; Cordelia had some ideas for clones of her that weren't medically-oriented, and since they would be for the good of the Republic she would not be accepting them as her payment à la Jango and Boba. Eventually, though, they'd settled on something that Cordelia was willing to sign and then she'd been turned back over to the scientists. When they'd told her they needed some of her eggs because they offered superior source material for cloning, she'd figured… hey! This was a super advanced society. Surely they had some way of getting them out of her quickly and easily? Nope. Now she had a robot's appendage stuffed up where no robot had gone before, and was quickly becoming quite irritated with the situation. Cordelia sighed and tried to clear her mind. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Then again, could it get much worse than this? "Hey, trashcan! Hurry it up already! I've got places to go and things to do today. With my legs closed!"

By her side, Aayla snickered and then gasped before going utterly still. Cordelia looked over at the suddenly pale Twi'lek curiously, and then a familiar Force presence brushed against her mind and she paled as well. No. Oh no. Anyone but them. She would absolutely die if they witnessed her like this. Please, God, no! Someone up there either didn't hear or ignored her plea, and the door hissed open anyways.

Fuck.

"Son of a Sith!" Anakin abruptly turned away, covering his eyes. Behind his padawan, Obi-Wan stared with wide eyes for a moment longer before he too gained control of himself and turned away. "What's going on here? Yoda sent us to fetch Aayla for a strategy meeting. He didn't tell us you were here, Chase, or that you were… what's going on here?"

Cordelia stared at the back of Anakin's head in disbelief. Did he really not… God. This was why the Temple needed some proper sex ed, and not just the sessions she'd been stuck offering as punishment a few months back. "It turns out there's a stash of rare minerals deep inside me, and I've granted the Kaminoans exclusive mining rights. Christ, what the hell do you think is going on here? I'm in a medical bay. With a medical droid and some doctors. I'm being examined, you moron! Now get out!"

Patting Cordelia on the shoulder, Aayla rose. "You have fun. I'll go see what's going on and fill you in later. Come on, Anakin. Take me to see Yoda before Cordelia kills you." Anakin snorted at the implication that Cordelia was capable of hurting him and chanced a glance back.

Cordelia retaliated by using the Force to hurl Aayla's chair past the FX-6 and into Anakin's back.

"Oww! Sith!"


	7. Sexual Healer

Joe's Note: Despite her not even appearing in this chapter, I had at least one scarily obsessed _Star Wars_ fanboi review the previous version to comment about this. For the record, yes, I know that Zule Xiss is listed as a Falleen officially. Yes, I know that when confronted about their fuck up, the continuity chief at Lucasfilm staunchly defended that. I also know that Falleen are a reptilian species with clawed fingers, very distinct facial features, scaled skin, and they bleed green rather than red like Zule Xiss. And so for taking the 'we'll be illogical rather than admit we messed up' path out of their problem, Lucasfilm and Leland Chee can kiss my ass.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"I've come to the conclusion that the light side and the dark side are but words, Cordelia. The Force is neither good nor evil, it simply is. Even the abilities we derive from our connection to it are inherently neutral in nature; the true difference lies in the people who use the Force. They are the ones who are good and evil… light and dark…"

"Chunky and creamy…"

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. Just another joke that's a lot less funny when you're not from my planet." Cordelia nodded as she watched the blue blade of her opponent whirl around her body in an arc, stopping the incoming slashes of one of her own blue blades and then the other. "But I totally agree. That's exactly what I've been saying all along. I mean, think about it. In my last life, I worked with a vampire with a soul and a half-demon who drank a lot. Which… probably doesn't mean a lot to you, but is totally relevant to this. Because it taught me that the world - or around here, the galaxy - is mostly made up of shades of grey. Not much pure black or pure white to be found. But whenever I bring up something like that during my training, whichever master I'm working with just pats me on the head and tells me that I don't properly understand 'the complexities of the true nature of the Force' yet. And then I get told to stay away from the younglings."

Chuckling, Barriss continued to twist her lightsaber around her body in tight, smooth arcs to deflect Cordelia's twin blades away each time the brunette lashed out at her. "I believe that our superiors' desire to keep you away from the impressionable youth of the Order has less to do with your belief in the Potentium, Cordelia, and more to do with the multiple ways you bend or break the Jedi Code on a daily basis." Cordelia blew a noisy raspberry at the Mirialan before thrusting both lightsabers forward, only to have them neatly shunted off to one side as Barriss twisted out of the way. "But as I prepare to leave my apprenticeship under Master Unduli behind for advanced training with the Medical Corps, what I've been learning only reinforces something I've been pondering for years. Mostly because almost all of the new abilities I'm learning can be used to heal in a way that borders on miraculous… or perverted to kill my enemies."

"The important thing is that you believe that. Because while you totally suck at caring for small fish and houseplants, I'm pretty sure that you don't have a single mean bone in your body, much less a killer one." Cordelia giggled as the Mirialan blushed before thrusting her lightsaber in the brunette's direction, slipping into one of the rare offensive bursts that were a part of Soresu. "As long as we're on the subject of deadliness, though, you're getting better and better with that lightsaber of yours. Your offense still needs a bit of work, but your defense is solid. In other words, a typical Soresu user. Which… I'm a bit conflicted about, to be honest. On one hand, I'm happy for you. Dangerous galaxy, you're now safer in it, et cetera, woo. On the other hand, I've been getting out of some really boring meetings with these sessions. If you're beyond my ability to help, I go back to being Yoda's grab and carry girl."

Barriss chuckled softly as she extinguished her lightsaber, clipping it to her belt before offering Cordelia a bow. "Thank you for both the practice and the critique. I spent all afternoon treating Zule Xiss…" She trailed off at Cordelia's look of confusion. "The Zeltron girl that you've never gotten along with? 'Harmony: Space Edition', I believe you've called her? She lost an arm on Ohma-D'un while dueling with Asajj Ventress. It made me realize that if I'm assigned solo missions that take me back to the front lines once my training is officially complete, battle droids and Separatist sympathizers aren't the only threat out there on the battlefield. And since you practice Makashi…"

"Who better to practice your saber-to-saber combat skills on? Makes sense to me." Deactivating her twin blue blades, Cordelia gave each a ninety degree spin and pressed them against her sides, the white plastoid hilts slipping into a series of matching clips that ran along each hip. There was a series of clicks as her weapons locked into place, and then… voila. Behold the amazing disappearing lightsabers! It was a brilliant idea if she did say so herself: she didn't want one heavy metal object banging against her thigh as she walked, much less two, and disguising them would help put people at ease around her because she wouldn't be as obviously armed as her fellow Jedi. Granted her current versions were quick, flash fabricated shells with training saber innards bouncing around inside them, but since the idea had proven sound? She would definitely be employing it for her real sabers. "Not that you need an excuse with me. Anything that gets me up off my butt and doing something is good in my book. Besides, I've been looking forward to seeing how you look in my present. Which you still haven't actually said you like, you know…"

One of Barriss's slim black eyebrows rose at that. "Yes, Cordelia, I've been wearing it all my waking hours every day since it's arrived because I think it's repulsive and I hate it."

Cordelia countered by raising an eyebrow of her own. "Barriss? It was delivered directly to your quarters. This is the first time I've seen you since you took said delivery. Up until I saw the neck of the bodysuit in your message earlier, I didn't even know that you'd unpacked it much less tried it on."

"Oh. Right. My apologies. It's… amazing." Blue eyes widening, Barriss bounced lightly on her toes in excitement before gesturing to her plastoid-clad body. "I've worn Jedi robes, my dresses, and all sorts of other outfits while on missions or working in the Medical Corps Infirmary. But this armor? I'm not going to lie, it took me a while to acclimate to wearing something so… different. But now that I am used to it? It's me. As an outfit. I can't find a better way to describe it: it feels like an extension of my body, and not just because it was made using incredibly thorough three-dimensional scans of me, either. I've got more than I'd find in a medkit on me at all times, which cuts down on how often I have to dash to a storage locker or use telekinesis to grab something from across the room. Your clones are definitely going to be better off than the clonetrooper medics, that's for sure. Although I noticed there's a lack of…" Trailing off, Barriss leaned to her right and gestured at Cordelia's rear.

Looking back over her shoulder, Cordelia tried to figure out what Barriss was trying to draw her attention. What did Cordelia's armor have that… oh! "It's a _kama_. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to italicize it when I write it out; the guys put some heavy emphasis on it. It's a Mandalorian thing. At first, the ARC troopers seemed a little offended but they seemed to warm up to me after Emokin made a rude comment and I introduced my foot to his crotch. On a related note, I'm glad you guys aren't supposed to breed because I'd be a little worried for his future with all the damage I'm doing down there. But no, the Phase II-M armor doesn't include a _kama_ because it would get in the way of the extra storage compartments in the cuisses. It'd also add back some of the weight that's been shaved off. My armor is pretty close to the trooper Phase II armor; the armor that you're testing for the clone nurses is something like seven and a half pounds lighter. Less protection, but it'll allow them to be more nimble when dashing across a battlefield to go treat someone."

Barriss made a soft humming noise before thrusting her hand out and summoning her blue cloak from where it hung on the wall. Slipping it on, she pulled up the hood as she made her way over to the door, pausing in front of it and gesturing for Cordelia to precede her out. The brunette rolled her eyes as she brushed past the Mirialan; the Jedi were too polite by half. It was cute when Hiskari did it because… well, they were dating. The rest of them, Cordelia kept expecting them to go 'm'lady' when she passed… perhaps tip a tan fedora or something. After all, they were the galaxy's nice guys. Slipping into place beside Cordelia as they walked down the hall, Barriss cleared her throat. "Since you've given me the opening, your impending 'spare selves'. How is that going?"

"It's going. I'm not monitoring things too closely for plausible deniability, but they messaged me the other day to tell me that the first banks of Spaarti cylinders had officially been fired up along with their own cloning hardware. So… I'm technically no longer one of a kind. I feel like I should have some sort of existential crisis about that soon." Cordelia pondered that for a few seconds before shrugging. "Eh. I'll just take the ridiculous amount of credits they're throwing at me and buy myself a giant pile of pretty stuff. Because they can make all the copies they want, but there's still just one Queen C." Drifting to a stop, she tilted her head to the side as something occurred to her. "Does this mean I'm going to be a mom? I kinda hope it does. Because then technically I'll be a MILF, and probably the hottest MILF ever at that. No stretch marks, no cellulite… I'll have it going on even more than Stacy's mom." At Barriss's baffled look, Cordelia groaned in exasperation. "Earth reference. So is MILF. I'll explain things when you're older."

"You are a strange girl, Cordelia Chase."

"Aww, you say the sweetest things."

* * *

"Yoda! Hey, Master Yoda, sir!"

The voice made Yoda let out an uncharacteristic groan of unhappiness and look back over his shoulder. Hurrying along behind him was Cordelia Chase, clad in what was quickly becoming her new signature outfit of clone-inspired Kaminoan armor. Armor that was going to become a far more regular sight in a year or so, if they couldn't figure out how to convince the cloners to abort their newest experiment. "Padawan Chase. Learning undesirable things from you, the younglings are. Know how much wood a 'woodchuck' could chuck, I do not. Wish they'd stop asking me, I do."

Cordelia let out a brief snicker before composing herself. "Well, that's what you get for asking me to babysit them. I told you that I wasn't any good with kids. Figured that giving them some brainteasers would be a good way of making them shut up so I could get some peace and quiet. And you are the wisest of the Jedi… you should consider it a compliment that they're all seeking your advice as to the answer."

"Hmmph. You have a question, I sense." Yoda turned his hoverchair around to face her directly and raised it so she wouldn't have to look down at him. "Ask it, you may."

Nodding, Cordelia jerked a thumb back over her shoulder in the direction of a retreating figure in a blue cloak. "I've been working out with Barriss again and we've been talking about the stuff she does around the Temple. I was wondering if I could go hang out with her in the MC Infirmary. With the whole 'growing a hundred thousand nurses that look like me' thing the Kaminoans have going, I've been getting kinda curious about the idea of helping people like that. Who knows, I might finally find something useful to do with myself. Lord knows I don't have anything better to do with my time, especially with the Temple being emptier than MC Hammer's bank account these days."

For some reason - perhaps because he'd spent considerable amounts of time with her lately - Yoda found it difficult to believe that Cordelia was suddenly developing an altruistic streak. Unfortunately, the brunette had taken the High Council's last admonition to heart and put considerable effort into tightening her mental shields, to the point that even he had difficulty reading her now. As for her growing interest in Barriss Offee, since Yoda doubted that Cordelia was genuinely interested in helping her peers recover from injuries sustained on the battlefield? It was potentially troubling, but at the same time it presented him with a very valuable opportunity. While the High Council had yet to come to a final decision, it was possible that Barriss would never be allowed to train a padawan of her own due to her beliefs in the nature of the Force, forever stagnating her at the rank of knight. Once she achieved it, of course, although Master Unduli assured them that said time was fast approaching. At the same time, Barriss was a dependable enough Jedi that she could be counted on to moderate some of Cordelia's more outrageous behaviors… and two knight teams weren't unheard of, especially when neither had a padawan. "Provisionally approve your request, I do. Confine yourself to Padawan Offee's ward, you must. Speak to the other healers regularly, I shall. Remove you if necessary, I will."

Grinning widely, Cordelia bounced on her toes as she clapped her hands together in excitement. "Sweet! Thanks! I'll leave you alone now. For now. Maybe I'll go shopping tonight. Barriss evidently likes wearing her new armor to work, but she's also got nurse armor. Mine's not going to cut it, and I'm definitely not wearing any of my pretty jumpsuits to the Infirmary. I'll need work clothes. Maybe something in white… white is a nice, medic-y color in this universe too, right? Well even if it isn't, people should still be comforted by it after spending so much time on the battlefield with their clone minions. Hmm. Maybe some cute white dresses? They probably won't assign me any important work because I'm not really trained for it, so form can still be more important than function…" Still muttering to herself, she turned on her heel and wandered off toward one of the turbolifts, absently waving back over one shoulder at Yoda.

Yoda shivered for reasons he couldn't quite comprehend. What had he done?


	8. Girl Talk

Joe's Note: For those of you who missed the numerous warnings in previous chapters, yes, my Barriss is different from the version seen in the popular cartoon. I'm still not sure why they reimagined her into something that has about as much in common with the original as comic Starfire and the _Teen Titans_ version, but since even Lucasfilm can't sort out how the two versions are supposed to be the same woman? I'm gonna stick with the one I like, and work around it for anything show-related. And now, a chapter originally written during that brief period in 2012 when I tripped over my half-dead muse and a few new chapters of this story fell out. I actually had the _Star Wars: Clone Wars_ animated series from iTunes at that point but I didn't really have it in me to make the huge investment of buying $40 seasons of the CGI series, and so when I realized that there were Padmé and lightsaber-centric episodes… and people wanted to see both… well, how could I pass an opportunity like that up?  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"The Banking Clan has hidden huge factories on Muunilist, building huge droid armies and massive warships for the Confederacy. We must act quickly."

Oh yes, they simply must. Cordelia rolled her eyes from her spot hidden safely away behind Masters Kenobi and Yoda. Maybe if she painted herself blue, she could figure out a way to switch places with Aayla? Even running around in a skimpy leather outfit and getting shot at by robots had to be better than dealing with politics and war planning. Especially since she never actually got to do anything. Just stand there behind Yoda and look… were Jedi allowed to look pretty, or was that yet another thing she did that was against the rules? Because she certainly didn't look intimidating… which was probably also against the rules if looking pretty was. Whatever. Why was she even here? There were plenty of other Jedi present, and Yoda hadn't even asked her to carry anything today. Was this really worth missing an infirmary shift for?

"I agree." Behind his desk, Chancellor Clinton… err, Palpatine was drumming his fingertips together. It took all of Cordelia's self-control not to ask the creepy old bastard if he could hiss 'excellent' like Mr. Burns. "But who to send? Master Windu still fights on Dantooine."

Yoda pondered that for only a moment before looking over at Obi-Wan. "Lead the assault, Master Obi-Wan can." Considering that Obi-Wan had brought the intelligence about Muunilist to the High Council, and in turn been allowed to attend this very meeting for the express purpose of presenting that intelligence to the chancellor? A Miraluka could have seen that one coming…

Nodding agreeably, Obi-Wan gestured to the window behind Palpatine's desk, drawing Cordelia's attention to where a handful of _Acclamators_ hung low in the sky. Was that safe? Obviously the repulsorlifts would keep them from crashing down onto the populace, but… had anyone ever studied the environmental impact of having that many ion drives burning in the atmosphere that close to the air they breathed? And what was the point, apart from being vaguely creepy in an Orwellian, Big Brother sort of way… and God damn, Cordelia was proud of herself for remembering anything from that hideously boring book report back in senior year. "My army is ready, Chancellor. We can leave immediately."

"Yes… and young Skywalker as well." Palpatine rose from his seat and ambled over to where Obi-Wan's former padawan was standing in the corner. Which was exactly where he belonged in Cordelia's none too humble opinion: out of the way, and neither seen nor heard. "I suggest that we give him special command of your space forces. His exceptional skill will be quite useful."

Discussion erupted around her, but this was another situation where Cordelia didn't need Jedi powers to know how it would inevitably end. Obi-Wan would come out in favor of an option that would allow him to keep babying Emokin, which was why the boy was so damn emo in the first place. Yoda would side with Obi-Wan, because the High Council expected a master to know those who they had trained better than anyone else. It would go back and forth a bit, and then the chancellor would tell everyone where to stick it and override their decision. It made Cordelia a bit curious… had the chancellor extended the same offer to Anakin that he had to her? And had Anakin accepted? Because that would explain a lot. Also, eww. Not that there was anything wrong with being that way, but… with Anakin? She could have sworn that Palpatine had better taste than that; he'd hit on her, after all. Shuddering, the brunette looked down at her nails in an attempt to distract herself and then scowled at the two small chips she spotted in the polish. Maybe when she got back, she could make another attempt at teaching Ashla how to give a proper manicure. After all, younglings had to be good for something…

"…then it is decided." Obi-Wan and Yoda flopped back into their chairs and exchanged unhappy looks even as Cordelia bit her lip to avoid snickering at them. As predicted. De-nied.

* * *

"So… forbidden love with a Jedi. How's that working out for you?"

Padmé Naberrie whirled around at the strange voice inside her apartment, cursing herself for her complacency. She'd almost been killed twice before her trip to Geonosis; who knew how hard the Confederacy would be trying to kill her now that the war was actually in full swing? Her hand dropped to her leg, brushing against the blaster that was strapped to her thigh under the long gown she was wearing. "Who's there?" After all, while being unladylike was preferable to being dead, she had no desire to destroy an expensive piece of clothing and expose an inappropriate amount of herself just to pull a blaster on someone who wasn't there to harm her.

Her question went unanswered, much to Padmé's surprise. She'd been a queen before moving on to become a senator. People didn't just… ignore her. "Hmm. Love what you're doing with the flowers around the great skyline view; it really helps break up the whole 'I'm living on a planet that's all city' monotony while bringing in some natural light. But seriously, who does your hair?" Three figures melted out of the shadows: two clonetroopers preceded by a woman who looked to be a few years younger than Padmé herself. Shuddering, the brunette ran one hand through her own hair. "I'm sorry, but the human head is not supposed to look that wide. It's freaky."

It took a moment for Padmé to run through the list of possible people who could legitimately gain access to her apartment, and they all fell neatly into one of three categories: fellow senators she was close to, the clonetroopers of the Coruscant Guard who had replaced her traditional guards to handle her security, and the rotating array of Jedi guardians who occasionally supplemented that protection on an as-needed basis. The red-marked armor of the young woman's companions identified them as members of the Coruscant Guard's senatorial protection division, but as for the brunette herself… Padmé was drawing a blank. Obviously not a senator, much less one who was her friend, and it was equally obvious that the brunette wasn't a clonetrooper despite the armor she was wearing. But if she was carrying a lightsaber, Padmé couldn't see it and she didn't act like a Jedi either. So who was she?

"Oh, and if you're pondering going for your Q2… it's a cute toy, but we're taught enough tutaminis as younglings that I'm pretty sure I could absorb all six shots." The brunette took a few steps closer, sidling up on Padmé's right and staring out the window. "You might bruise me if you threw it hard enough after the power pack went dry, though."

Younglings? Wasn't that the stage before a Jedi became a padawan, that Anakin had skipped because of how he'd been found? So then this woman was in fact a Jedi, albeit one who preferred clonetrooper armor to brown robes and chose not to carry a lightsaber. One question answer, Padmé found a new one nudging its way to the front of her mind. "I wasn't aware that Jedi could do that. Absorb blaster bolts, that is. If that particular technique is common knowledge, then how come so many Jedi died on Geonosis?"

The corner of the brunette's mouth quirked up. "We can't. But saying that made you hesitate, and you hesitating means I could have pulled this if I needed to." Padmé took a step back as the woman twisted to reveal the DC-17 heavy blaster pistol she'd drawn from a holster at her right hip. Evidently the armor wasn't the only thing the Jedi had requisitioned from the Grand Army of the Republic; Padmé had seen some of the higher-ranking clones carrying them in addition to their monstrous rifles. "Not that I'm actually interested in shooting you. Emokin's depressing enough to be around without adding 'widower' to his list of problems."

Suddenly, Padmé realized who she was staring at. Unless there was another 'obnoxious brunette' who used that nickname for her husband, that meant that this was… "Cordelia Chase, I presume? My husband has told me a great deal about you."

"Aww, Anakin has been talking about me with his secret wife? I'm flattered!" Cordelia tucked her gun back into its holster before turning to stare out the window again. Then something dawned on her and Padmé watched the reflection in the transparisteel as her companion's face scrunched up in disgust. "Just out of curiosity, we're talking about normal conversation here, right? Because the way he stares at my butt and sneaks peeks down my tops… oh God, he doesn't have you like, dressing up as me while he shouts out the wrong name in bed or something, does he? I mean, I realize I'm fabulous and all, but that'd be just plain creepy. Besides, you wouldn't even make a good me. You're rocking that small chest thing and I'm… well… it kinda works on you because you're scrawny all over, but I outgrew that bra size five or six years ago and I'm much happier for it…"

Padmé turned to confront Cordelia about the commentary regarding her figure - she was a perfectly acceptable weight for her height and level of activity, thank you very much - only to pause as she found herself reexamining the entirety of young woman's utterly bizarre ramble. First and foremost, Padmé found herself wondering how Cordelia had found out about her marriage to Anakin. Given that it was a very closely guarded secret, the Jedi was either exceptionally well-connected or very adept at ferreting information out of people. Or both. Given Cordelia's age and some of the things Anakin had said about her, Padmé was willing to bet it was the latter, which in turn meant she would have to be especially careful about what she said to the woman.

As for the rest? Well, that concerned Padmé on a very base, female level. Anakin was obvious enough in his appreciation of this crude woman that Cordelia had noticed? Padmé scowled. Not only was a wandering eye so early in their marriage a bad sign but they had little in common physically, as Cordelia had so indelicately pointed out. As much as she believed in love and compatible personalities and all the mental facets of a successful relationship, Padmé also knew that physical attraction played a role. Should she be worrying about the fact that Anakin evidently found a woman so different from herself attractive? Was this what Anakin actually found attractive? Or was Cordelia an aberration in that regard?

Assuming Cordelia was telling the truth, of course. On one hand, Padmé logically knew she had no reason to believe what the girl was telling her, especially given the contentious relationship she and Anakin shared. Conversely, she had no real reason to think Cordelia was lying, either. What purpose would it serve? She would just have to get to know the young Jedi, Padmé decided, and learn for herself how to tell whether or not Cordelia was telling the truth.

"You do know you're allowed to talk in my presence, right? I realize that I'm magnificent and all, but I came here because I was looking for some company and conversation." Cordelia nodded toward the window, where the last of the assault ships under Obi-Wan and Anakin's command were lifting off. "Figured that since you get to stay home, watch the droids, and play dress up while he saves the galaxy, you might be a good place to go. Can always leave if I was wrong."

Shaking her head - not only was she going to stick to her decision to get to know Cordelia, but she was fairly desperate for some sort of company - Padmé turned away from the window and wandered over to sprawl elegantly across one of the couches. "Just because I was at the Battle of Geonosis doesn't mean that I condone violence, Cordelia. I still believe that the solution to this crisis lies in diplomacy. Accordingly, my place is here to continue trying to work for a peaceful end to this conflict."

Cordelia snorted indelicately as she dropped into a plush armchair across from Padmé, the pieces of her armor clicking against each other as she curled her legs up under herself. "I'm sure. And where do… 'aggressive negotiations'… fit into things?" Waving dismissively at Padmé's incredulous look, Cordelia grinned. "Oh, I heard all about how good your aim with a blaster is from the Jedi who survived the battle. Well, that and Anakin told the Council it was your idea to go to Geonosis when they grilled him about the events leading up to the battle. Gotta say, it was nice to see someone else getting hounded by Master Lawn Gnome and his jolly sidekicks."

"Anakin said it was my decision?" Scowling at Cordelia's nod, Padmé crossed her arms over her chest. "Well it was 'my idea' to go after Master Kenobi, but only because I knew Anakin wanted to save him and that if I went to Geonosis, he could honestly say that he was fulfilling his mission to protect me by coming along. Hmmph. I will most definitely be having a discussion with my husband next time I see him about sharing incomplete truths…"

Grinning widely, Cordelia clapped her hands together. "That a girl! See, this is why I've decided I'm never going back to men. Girls are so much smarter. I mean really, did he think that you'd never talk to another Jedi? Or that the Council didn't know who you are and where to find you if it ever wanted to double-check his story? Why tell such an obvious lie? Although speaking of honesty and all that…" Raising both hands, Cordelia held them on either side of her head. "Seriously though, have you ever considered switching hairdressers? Your head is like… two feet wide. It's disturbing."

Padmé scoffed, reaching up to pat her hair self-consciously. "I'll have you know that this is the height of Alderaanian fashion. Bail Organa introduced me to the stylist who does his wife's hair whenever Breha visits Coruscant."

"First of all, you're not Alderaanian. Or on Alderaan. She has an excuse: it's cultural. You don't. Secondly… do you always do what everyone else does? I mean, if Queen Organa jumped out an airlock..?" Thrusting her right hand out, Cordelia brought her fingers together so the tips touched before flicking them outward. Padmé felt… something… shift and then a small cloud of hair pins floated past her face. Her hair held on for a moment longer before tumbling down her back, a single curl resting against the side of her face. "There. A natural look suits you better, don't you think?"

Looking over at the window, Padmé studied her reflection. Loathe as she was to admit it, she did look better this way. Not that she'd ever admit it. She had the feeling that Cordelia was the type who'd hold something like that over her head and brag about it insufferably. Padmé chanced a peek over at Cordelia and found the brunette smirking at her. Raising her hand, Cordelia tapped one temple. Oh. Right. Jedi.

Blast.


	9. Bright Light! Bright Light!

Joe's Note: And now, the moment that like… three of you have been waiting for. Yes, it's finally time for Cordelia to turn in her Jedi training wheels and get herself some real lightsabers. Thankfully, some version of the ceremonialism that's referred to all over the EU is depicted in _Star Wars: Clone Wars_ , giving me something to build off of for this chapter. After this, we'll get one more chapter that brings a subplot from Chapter 4 full circle to a conclusion, and then we'll get into the events of the _Clone Wars_ movie and the six seasons of cartoon that followed. Hope you enjoy this.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart. All are intertwined. The crystal, the blade, the Jedi. You are one."

Cordelia found herself very glad that she'd convinced Barriss to teach her the secrets behind rising meditation, floating several inches above what she didn't doubt was ass-numbingly cold stone as she assembled her twin lightsabers using telekinesis. At this point, Barriss was probably either done or about to finish her single saber but… well, all her friend had to do was find a piece of mephite that called her name, incorporate it into the crystal assembly she'd prepared on the way to Ilum, and then shove the entire mess inside a metal tube and slap an emitter on top. Cordelia, on the other hand, was being forced to not only do twice as much work on account of her twin lightsabers, but each lightsaber required more numerous and difficult steps to boot.

They'd started the day by looking for crystals. For Barriss? Finding a blue piece of mephite required her to beat one in three odds. Purple mephite, by comparison? The Temple's mines hadn't been properly surveyed in a while but as of a century ago? Her blade color of choice had accounted for less than ten percent of all Adegan crystals found on Ilum, behind yellow and ahead of only orange when it came to rarity. Not to mention that - being the appearance-conscious girl that she was - Cordelia had forced herself to find two that were exactly the same shade of purple. The absolute last thing she wanted, after all, was to ignite her completed lightsabers and find herself in possession of one purple blade and one violet one. Or even worse, two blades that were subtly but noticeably different shades of purple. How tacky would that look?

Sadly, things had only gone downhill from there. Despite all of the time she'd put in on Coruscant preparing the pieces of the two hilts - and the bits of technology that would go inside them - for their eventual assembly, Cordelia had been forced to wait until after she'd located her crystals to begin the process. That would teach her to make lightsabers with curved hilts, no matter how good they were for Makashi practitioners. Out of a few dozen pieces of plastoid each no less, so that they'd match her armor and the belt they would be stored on even more closely than the mockups she'd made for her training sabers. Oh, who was she kidding? She had put a lot of thought and effort and testing into the design phase of her sabers, and wouldn't have them any other way. Still, desire didn't change the fact that she was left with a lot of work to do to bring her ideas to life, and she couldn't even cheat like Barriss and start aboard the ship on the way to Ilum.

And Barriss needed to teach her how to rise a little higher, because her ass was going numb anyway. Damn it.

A familiar snap-hiss made Cordelia open one eye, taking in the sight of her friend basking in the bluish-white light of her newly completed lightsaber for a second before closing it once more. Well, good on Barriss. The healing-oriented consular had expressed concerns about her ability to properly construct a blade of her own, and so Cordelia was genuinely happy to discover that Barriss's worries had been for naught. Why she had deliberately chosen a blue crystal when most consulars favored green blades, Cordelia didn't know but… hey. To each their own. "You have taught me well, Master Unduli."

"Remember always, the crystal is the heart of the blade. Barriss Offee, your training is complete." After a long moment of silence, Luminara Unduli let out a hiss of displeasure. "…something trespasses on sacred ground. The Temple is breached!" There was the telltale sound of another lightsaber igniting - presumably Luminara's - and then the Mirialan directed a question Cordelia's way. "Padawan Chase, your status?"

Pushing the final piece of her first saber into place with her mind, Cordelia began the most difficult phase of each hilt's assembly: using the Force to seal the edges between the individual bits of plastoid, bonding them together at the molecular level and forging the hilt into a single, seamless piece of white plastoid. "Well, I'm floating here working instead of standing up, waving a pair of lightsabers in your face while I bug you about whether or not it means my training is complete too. What do you think?"

Luminara let out an aggrieved sigh that reminded Cordelia of Giles just as much as the woman's British accent and emotional stuntedness. "A simple 'not finished' or 'working' would have sufficed, padawan. Very well. It appears we will be facing foes as master and apprentice one last time, Barriss. We will ascend to the upper reaches of the Temple to ascertain the nature of this threat. Chase, please join us when you are able."

"You bet. Because convincing millions and millions of molecules to up and be friends with their neighbors is definitely something that can be rushed…"

* * *

Opening her eyes, Cordelia depressed the carefully disguised activation studs on her twin lightsabers, sending perfectly matching beams of purple light stabbing outward. Much to her surprise, she found Luminara kneeling with her eyes closed off to her right and Barriss a few feet away to her left in the same position, a handful of loose lightsaber crystals spinning aimlessly in the air between them as the two Mirialans used the Force to hold back what appeared to be the mother of all cave-ins above them. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the whole 'fighting off the enemy' thing didn't work out quite the way you'd planned?"

Luminara cracked one eye open as she shot a baleful look over at Cordelia, before shaking her head in resignation and closing both eyes once more. "Your observational powers astound me, Padawan Chase."

"Thanks!" Sure, Cordelia knew that the older woman's words hadn't been a compliment in the least but… well, her fellow Jedi were just so much fun to mess with. And keeping things light was probably a good idea, given their current circumstances. "So, any ideas on how we're going to pass the time until we're rescued? Because a deck of cards is the one thing this belt of mine doesn't have, and I don't think a game of 'I Spy' would last very long down here…"

Letting out a soft chuckle, Barriss opened her eyes and glanced over at Cordelia. "I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised to hear that. That belt looks like it should hold half the galaxy in it. And it's about to get a bit fuller." Cordelia inclined her head at that before extinguishing her lightsabers, securing them on her belt before dipping into one of the pouches and pulling out a chemlight. Snapping it to activate it, she shook it a bit to mingle the chemicals better before tossing it onto the ground in between the three of them to provide a slightly safer source of illumination than a lightsaber blade. "Speaking of your armor, I've been meaning to ask… why haven't you customized yours yet? You were supportive enough of me modifying my own."

Cordelia raised an eyebrow as she looked Barriss up and down, her eyes eventually coming to rest on the pattern of purplish-black diamonds that stretched across Barriss's chest, mirroring the markings on the Mirialan's face. While she felt vaguely rude staring at someone's chest, it was easier than trying to stare pointedly at one of her friend's arms given the position that Barriss was currently in. "And what exactly should I put on mine? When Phase II drops for the clones, they're going to move to unit markings like how the Coruscant Guard uses crimson marks. I don't have a unit. Or a rank, for that matter, so using the current scheme is out too. Can't do what you did, because that'd be cultural appropriation and I'd probably accidentally give myself the Mirialan markings for a girl who dropped out of school and became a drug-addicted hooker or something." She paused for a moment, head lolling to the side as she stared off into space, mind working furiously. "I suppose I could see what markings the girls are gonna get… use those too? Eh. Nah. So, to make a long story short… maybe someday if I find something that really speaks to me. For now? I'll stick with the classic white look."

"That's fair. Although we don't have a tattoo pattern that would indicate…" Barriss trailed off as Luminara chuckled softly under her breath, the younger MIrialan's eyes widening. "Really? But why would-"

"It truly is the galaxy's oldest profession, my young padawan, and hardly unknown on Mirial."

"But-"

"We believe that our actions contribute to our destiny. That does not mean that we believe everyone is destined for greatness. Or nobility."

"Wait, what's wrong with being a hooker?" Cordelia did her best to look innocent as both master and apprentice shot startled glances her way. "I mean, I wouldn't want those particular tattoos because I'm not one and I know that Mirialan tattoos are supposed to be a record of your life's actions. But that doesn't mean I have something against someone who does have those tattoos. They give a lot of themselves, don't get a lot back outside of credits and you can get those anywhere… if they're good at what they do, they make a lot of people happy and usually sad and lonely people at that…"

Luminara shook her head before closing her eyes once more. "Sometimes I wonder why the High Council is so eager to keep you isolated from other Jedi, padawan. Then I spend time with you."

"Pfft. Seriously, though, think about this for a second. Who's helping more people and improving their quality of life these days: a hooker or a senator?"

"Let us conserve air while we wait to be rescued."

* * *

Pointing her gun in the direction that Artoo was indicating, Padmé squinted as she tried to make out… something. Anything. If Artoo was detecting a second wave of invisible droids, such a thing would obviously prove useless. On the other hand, if it was an organic enemy or conventional battle droids? Their visibility would be as limited as hers and even a fraction of a second could prove advantageous when it came to… there! Padmé squeezed the trigger and sent a barrage of blue blaster bolts screaming towards an enemy… with two purple lightsabers? Her attacks were deflected first skyward and then snowward, and then the wielder blurred forward to close the distance between them, bringing their lightsabers up on either side of Padmé's neck. Breathing heavily, the senator found herself staring into familiar, mischievous hazel eyes. "You know, for someone who's supposedly a pacifist, you sure seem to enjoy shooting at things."

"Cordelia. If I'd known you were one of the Jedi we were coming to save, I would have told Master Yoda that our mission was too important to be interrupted and left you there to rot." There was a gasp from behind the white-armored Jedi and Padmé winced as a pair of Mirialans - master and apprentice judging by the gap in their ages - came into view. Blast. Thankfully, she was well-versed in the art of damage control. "My apologies, Padawan. Master Jedi. Cordelia and I have made a bit of a game out of exchanging… pleasantries… whenever we encounter each other. Sometimes I forget how jarring it can be to those witnessing it for the first time. But where are my manners? Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo."

"Luminara Unduli."

"Barriss Offee."

"Yoda." The diminutive Jedi Master shuffled his way into the middle of the circle of far taller women, looking around as he stared up at their confused faces. "Introducing themselves, everyone was. Left out, did I feel." After a few more seconds, his ears drooped and he shook his head sadly. "Seldom made jokes, I have. Remember why, I now do." Hobbling his way forward, he brushed past Padmé and headed toward the ramp of the H-type Nubian yacht they'd arrived in. "Successful, my mission was. Saved, the Jedi are. But pained, my heart is. Nearly destroyed, the temple was. Revealed, its secret location is. But by who, I know not."

Before Padmé could respond - not that she knew the answer, but she was rather well versed at offering suitably sympathetic-sounding condolences - Cordelia scoffed loudly and took off in pursuit of Yoda. "Really? You know not? Gee, I don't know, could it be the former Jedi Master who now runs the Confederacy? Considering he visited it at least four times between his own lightsaber and helping his padawans with theirs, is there maybe a possibility that he knows the location of your secret temple and told the droids where to find it?"

Pausing, Yoda peered back over his shoulder at Cordelia. "Thank you for pointing out the obvious, I must. Forget that he was once one of us, I sometimes do. Fallen far, he has. Now, to the ship, we must get. Important meetings, the senator has. Provide additional security for her, you can."

Padmé bit her lip to keep from laughing at the horrified look on Cordelia's face, the brunette staring after Yoda in disbelief as he made his way up the ramp and into the belly of the senator's ship. Approaching the armored Jedi from behind, Padmé reached up to rest a hand on Cordelia's shoulder. "It could be worse. At least I don't need you to carry stuff for me."

"Uh huh. Where are we headed?"

"Glee Anselm."

"…we're going jewelry shopping."

"Of course."


	10. We Have Cookies

Joe's Note: Some of you may recognize part of this as the old chapter 'Kinda Sorta Phallic, Aren't They?', albeit heavily modified. I've torn out the terribly irrelevant Battle of Rendili content that was literally only there to serve as a setup for the back half of the chapter; even if I hadn't looked at it and gone 'what the fuck was I thinking?', the chapter is heavy on the clone content and since we've yet to reach the Second Battle of Kamino, the presence of Cordelia-derived clones would create a hideously obvious anachronism. Also, now that we have a bit more of the backstory about Palpatine and his motivations - turning him from a half-dimensional villain to at least a one dimensional one - I'm obviously going to be able to flesh out the interaction between Cordelia and Chancellor Clinton… I mean Palpatine.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Slowly making her way through the halls of the Republic Executive Building, Cordelia paused as she came to the large double doors that led to the chancellor's suite. Did she really want to do this? No, not really. Did she need to do this? Yeah, probably. Unless, of course, she wanted to spend the rest of her natural life playing nurse when she wasn't busy being a lawn gnome's personal servant. Or the personal servant of whoever he felt like foisting her off onto. Not that chilling with Padmé and shopping weren't fun, but… well, even she got bored of shopping sometimes. There was a fucking galactic war going on! She wanted to do something to help, damn it!

Apart from the whole clone nurse project. Which she was sure were going to be helpful, but her part was already done there. She couldn't rest on those laurels forever.

The doors hissed open as she took the final step needed to bring her within sensor range, and Cordelia drew herself up to her full height as she passed between them. A quartet of red-clad guards were waiting just inside but stepped aside to let her pass. The next obstacle was an ugly green man sitting behind a desk, but if he had a problem with Cordelia breezing past him and heading deeper into the chancellor's offices, he was smart enough to not verbalize it.

Down the short passage way she went, emerging into the red-heavy, oversized circular office that the chancellor used for his meetings with assorted figures. Cordelia tilted her head to the side, studying the figures arrayed in the chairs on the opposite side of the desk from Palpatine. While she only recognized Bail Antilles of Alderaan, he was sitting in the chair directly across from Palpatine with his fellow senators arrayed on either side of him to form a half-circle. Antilles chaired… the Internal Activities Committee. Oooh, was someone in trouble? She loved juicy gossip. Conversation died as the chancellor turned to stare at her, the assembled senators following suit. Cordelia stared right back with an arched brow, curious to see who would crack first. Finally, the corner of his mouth quirked upward and then Palpatine cleared his throat. "Padawan Chase. I wasn't aware the Jedi were taking an interest in the goings on of the Internal Activities Committee. Was I misinformed?"

"I mean, I wouldn't mind sitting in on the meeting sometime in a completely unofficial capacity. The only thing I love more than gossip in general is gossip about people screwing up. But not today." Cordelia looked over at the senators before jerking her head toward the door. "All of you, scram. The chancellor and I need to talk."

Palpatine reached forward and activated the small holoprojector on his desk, murmuring something in a foreign language to the glowing blue representation of his receptionist. The alien shook his head repeatedly, and then Palpatine shut the projector off before sitting back in his chair. "Are you certain of that, Padawan? Dar Wac is quite certain that the only commitment I had for this afternoon was this meeting."

Sighing, Cordelia skirted around the oversized desk and bent down so her lips were next to his ear. "I thought you might want some privacy for this, but… if you really want me to discuss that offer that you made me back when the war broke out in front of them? We can."

"I see. Well." Clearing his throat, the chancellor gave the assembled senators a forced smile and gestured to the doors. "If you would excuse me, it would appear that an extremely urgent matter has come up. If you speak with Dar on the way out, though, he will give you priority towards rescheduling so we can continue to discuss your concerns?"

One by one, the senators rose from their chairs and exited the office, shoot Cordelia a variety of looks as they went. Some were downright hostile for the interruption, while Bail looked merely curious. Then again, Cordelia would have been curious in his position too. Between the shoots she'd done for designers, her routine presence at Yoda's side, and the rumors coming out of Kamino, her name was becoming increasingly well known by the galaxy at large. Now it was obvious that she had the chancellor's ear, and enough pull to disrupt a committee that could make even his life difficult. It must have created quite a puzzle for most people.

As soon as the doors closed behind the last senator, Palpatine was up and out of his seat with a speed that belied his age. A wave of his hands had a set of shades closing over the massive transparisteel windows, blocking them from outside view and significantly diminishing the light in the room. The Force screamed a warning at her and Cordelia's hands dropped to her hips, drawing her twin lightsabers and igniting them. She wasn't the only one with that idea, it turned out, as an ornate blue and white vase on the far side of the room suddenly tipped off its pedestal and fell to the floor. From the shards emerged a silver and gold lightsaber, tumbling end over end until Palpatine plucked it out of the air and ignited it, the blood red blade glowing ominously in the room. "Defend yourself."

"…oh snap." Suddenly, all sorts of little pieces clicked into place inside Cordelia's head. Palpatine wasn't a pervert who wanted her body, he was just evil and wanted her to be a minion. Given the red lightsaber… probably the head evil honcho that the Jedi knew existed but had been unable to pin down thus far. And he was in charge of both sides of the war. Damn. That was crafty. Raising her purple blades, she deflected his first stabbing strike off to one side as she spun to her left. He took too more quick stabs at her body with the glowing red tip that she deflected just as skillfully before falling back as she went on the offensive. After first testing his defenses with a series of lightning fast jabs, she smirked as she realized that she could finally try her hand at something that she'd previously only practiced on droids. As Palpatine came in for his first real slash, Cordelia brought one blade up to counter… and then deactivated it at the last second, forcing her opponent to overextend himself even as she blocked his blade with the saber in her left hand. Reigniting her righthand saber, she drove it inward toward center mass, forcing Palpatine to twist out of the way with agility that belied his age. "Damn. Really thought the Tràkata would trip you up."

"I am a Sith Lord, child."

"So? Doesn't meant you can't make a stupid mistake." Backing off, Cordelia's mind raced as she slowly circled her opponent. Despite being significantly older, he was no more an easy mark than Yoda… which made sense. The little gnome could bounce all over the place while drawing on the Force to augment his body; Palpatine didn't need to be a master of Ataru to be more of a threat than his age and physical condition would indicate. Wanting to buy a little time to think, she thought back to their first meeting. "So you're the Big Bad around here. I honestly did not see that coming, which is cool. Everyone likes surprises once in a while. But what's with the sudden hostility? I mean, I've never been evil before or anything, but I'm pretty sure that you're supposed to ask me to join you or die, and not suddenly skip to the me dying part."

Palpatine shook his head before lunging back in to resuming pounding at her defenses with his lightsaber. "No. If you cannot survive a test as simple as this, then you are not worthy of me making such an offer." Cordelia deactivated her lightsabers, dropping them as she did a backflip to avoid a slash meant to separate her from her lower legs. As he pressed the attack, she was forced to abort her handspring and hold a handstand with her legs spread uncomfortably far apart even for her as her red blade went humming through the air above her. Taking advantage of what Hiskari had taught her about gestureless uses of the Force, she gave Palpatine a telekinetic shove backward before finishing the cartwheel that she'd started before his previous slash, straightening up and summoning her lightsabers back to her hands. Coiling her legs, she prepared to retake the offensive with a lunge, only to let out a startled shriek and reactivate her blades as he hurled tendrils of blue-white lightning at her. Holy shit! Gritting her teeth, she held her weapons steady as the lightning crackled over the purple blades and arced between them. Just as suddenly as it'd begun, the electrical assault ended and Palpatine chuckled lowly as he tucked his extinguished lightsaber into his voluminous robes. "Good. Very good. Yes, you will make a suitable apprentice indeed. I will train you."

"That's it? Wow. I mean, apart from the attempted electrocution part, I've been through cheerleading tryouts that were more demanding than that. But hey, if it means you'll stop trying to hack me into very attractive pieces…" Slowly straightening up, Cordelia extinguished her lightsabers and returned them to her belt. "Just out of curiosity, you're assuming that I want anything to do with you now that I know who you are. What makes you think I won't just run off and tell the Jedi about you? I mean, do you know how good that would be for my career?"

Letting out a condescending laugh, Palpatine made his way over to his desk and lowered himself into his chair with a sigh. "Cordelia… may I call you Cordelia? At least until you earn a properly Sith name?" The brunette shrugged noncomittally as she made her way over to join him. "Cordelia, I am quite literally the most powerful man in the galaxy. I control two armies, and both Jedi and Dark Jedi alike do my bidding. The fates of trillions of sapient beings rest in my hands. Do you really believe that you have any choice other than to… join me or die, I believe you put it?"

"Well, I mean, when you put it like that…" Cordelia frowned as she took the seat across from him. While she was basically a good person at heart, she was also a pragmatic one. Here was a man who routinely met with Jedi masters, sometimes even the entire High Council… and his true nature had never been discovered. Even if he let her leave this room alive after declining his offer, what were the odds that she - one of the most controversial Jedi currently still a part of the Order - could convince someone of the truth? How would she even explain how she knew? 'Well, I got tired of you guys treating me so I tried to screw you over and defect, but it turned out that I was biting off way more than I could chew and so now I'm back'? She could always pretend to join and then… get fried or stabbed or poisoned or sniped or have her speeder explode in midair, because you didn't get to be an evil mastermind without being able to tell when people were about to betray you. Shit. Fuck. Um… "Can I at least ask a few questions? They really don't teach us much about the Sith over at the Temple. I mean, other than 'Jedi good, Sith bad'. I just kinda wanna know what I'm getting into. Like… what's the endgame here? What's the point of all of this? The war, playing both sides, creating an army for a group that's supposedly your enemies… none of this makes any sense!"

Palpatine looked first startled and then pleased by her questions. "While an obedient subordinate is useful, a thinking one is even better. I knew that I had chosen well with you. Very well. From what I hear, your store of knowledge is remarkably varied and quite eclectic. While you shouldn't have, would you perhaps indulge my curiosity and tell me if you're familiar with a species known as the Yuuzhan Vong?"

* * *

"…so let me see if I have all of this straight. You had a Force vision of an extragalactic invasion that would destroy the galaxy and according to the Extragalactic Society, there's an unknown but definitely artificial gravity distortion heading our way from the same direction that your vision's aliens arrived. You've since crippled ExGal so that nobody else can accidentally stumble upon them and reveal the existence of the Vong to the galaxy before you're ready. And your grand plan to save us all… is to wipe out the Jedi, unite the entire galaxy as an empire with yourself at the head, and then focus all resources into building a military capable of defeating these aliens?" Cordelia let out a groan of despair as she flopped back in her chair, closing her eyes and bringing her hands up so that she could rub her aching temples. "Are you insane?"

"Not according to my most recent physical, no."

Cordelia cracked one eye open so she could glare balefully at Palpatine. "Seriously, I get that you want to wipe the Jedi out. It's a Sith thing. Whatever. You touch my fish, I'll embrace the Dark Side so hard, they'll never find all the pieces of you. Or Aayla. Or Barriss. You know what, we'll write up a list of Jedi who are off-limits. The rest of them, I really could care less about. Back to what I was saying… I get you wanting to wipe out your nemeses and all, but you're going about this all wrong. You have a massive alien army coming, and supposedly they're immune to the Force. Which is weird and unnatural and wrong, but we'll get back to that later. This war is proof that Jedi have more uses in battle than just swinging a lightsaber; a lot of what we're seeing them do on the battlefield against droids would probably work against the Vong too. So… what if you keep the Jedi around until these evil invading aliens show up, put them at the front of your new army, and let the Vong kill them? You get the same result but letting them die heroes makes more a better final chapter than trying to convince the entire galaxy that their childhood heroes have been the villains all along. Which means we'll have fewer pockets of resistance fronted by surviving Jedi picking at the edges of your empire while you're trying to build it up to tackle the Vong. Our empire. Whatever."

Going still, Palpatine furrowed his brow in thought. Several times, he opened his mouth as if to counter her argument, only to catch himself and return to his contemplative silence. Finally, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "Your ideas intrigue me, Cordelia. Elaborate further."


	11. Take Me Home Tonight

Joe's Note: Cordelia's transportation has always been an awkward issue for me because… well, let's face it. Even how the Jedi are depicted in the _Clone Wars_ series is a bit more than she'd care to tackle in terms of administration and oversight. I originally had her in a Rendili Dreadnaught because back when I started the series, those were some of the biggest and baddest ships to have served in the war. Now they're these big backwards clunky monstrosities. So while she may get something grander later in the series… let's solve the problem for at least the near future, shall we?  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"Now that you're my personal representative to the Jedi Order-"

"Is that the final title you settled on? Cute."

"Thank you. As I was saying, your new position will afford you a level of freedom previously unheard of within the Order. Since I have no doubt that you'll abuse your new position to assign your lover and friends to your side, I thought it was necessary to secure transport for you that was more spacious than a Delta-7 but less noticeable than a capital ship." As the skycar banked and began to circle the landing platform for its final approach, Palpatine gestured across Cordelia at the ship awaiting them. "I trust this will be satisfactory?"

Having spent most of the ride splitting her attention between working on her datapad and vacantly smiling and nodding as Palpatine spoke, Cordelia finally took stock of their destination and her eyes widened. Awaiting them on the platform - along with two full squads of clonetroopers that presumably were part of the Coruscant Guard and not something that came with her new ride - was a gleaming silver monstrosity. While her grasp of spatial relations was admittedly shaky, Cordelia guessed that it was a good two hundred and fifty feet long at a minimum and almost as wide, almost dwarfing the landing platform it sat on. "This is your idea of less noticeable?"

Palpatine made a vaguely curious noise and then a soft 'ah' of comprehension. "You're referring to the chromium, I assume? A rather cunning bit of subterfuge, if I do say so myself. My homeworld of Naboo is one of the few that still uses chromium for ship plating, and we reserve it exclusively for royalty and high-level diplomats. Senator Amidala's ships are sheathed in chromium, as I believe you've seen, and I have a yacht with chromium plating as well."

While Cordelia was admittedly no genius, she wasn't stupid either. "In other words, ships will hesitate to fire on me because they'll be worried about a diplomatic incident. Nice. So, what is it? My starshipfu is pretty limited because, well, I really don't care that much as long as they get me where I need to go."

"Nominally? It's a _DeepWater_ -class light freighter, one of the few designs that the Mon Calamari Shipyards sell to off-worlders. Due to a transcription error during the ordering process, though, the _Grannus_ was built at just shy of double the standard size in every dimension." Their skycar touched down on the landing platform and Palpatine paused, waiting as their escorts opened the doors for him and Cordelia before stepping out. Pausing near the front of the craft, he waited for her to join her before continuing speaking as he walked across the platform toward the ship. "The interior hasn't been scaled to match, though; it is a very spacious ship for mere mortals rather than a craft for giants. It will require a crew of at least four in addition to the two provided astromechs; somehow, I doubt you'll have any trouble finding the help you need. Part of the starboard cargo hold has been converted into an armory and bunk space for two squads of clonetroopers, in addition to cabins that can comfortably sleep ten."

Cordelia let out an appreciative whistle as she surveyed her new toy. While she couldn't yet think of nine people that she'd want to live with for any real length of time, she could definitely think of at least three. "Two things. One: I'm changing the name. To what, I'm not sure yet… but _Grannus_ has got to go. And two: For the love of God, please tell me that this thing is armed. Because eventually someone is going to decide to take your gamble and I want to be able to make them regret it."

"Originally? Not very. The Mon Calamari are a very peaceful species; it was heavily armored and protected by redundant shield generators, but its only armament was a single dual laser cannon turret mounted dorsally amidship." Momentarily commandeering her datapad, Palpatine pressed it against his own and transferred a file before calling up a set of detailed schematics on Cordelia's purple datapad and handing it back to her. "I think you'll be… most satisfied… with what my engineers and designers did before they refinished the hull."

Glancing down at the pad, Cordelia queried it for data on the ship's weapon systems. And as a plethora of red blotches appeared on the blue wireframe, she let out a low whistle. "I think you're right…"

* * *

"Cordelia? I don't want to seem like an ingrate, I really don't. If it wasn't for you doing this, we'd barely get to see each other and I'd be spending all day every day just sitting around the Temple doing nothing. But… where am I supposed to sleep? Long-term, I mean? I can go dry for two days at a time, maybe three, but-"

Looking up from where she was unboxing the new, somewhat more modest and predominantly purple wardrobe that she'd acquired at the chancellor's insistence, Cordelia arched an eyebrow. "Hiskari… we've been together for how long now? And you really think I don't know what you need to stay healthy?" Hiskari opened her mouth to reply, only to be cut off by a wave of Cordelia's hand. "Sweetie. Please stop before you say something that offends me by implying that I'm a terrible girlfriend who has no idea what you need to survive. Out the door and all the way down the hall. Cargo Hold A."

Pointedly returning her attention to what she was doing, Cordelia listened as Hiskari paced back and forth a few times uncertainly before turning and doing what she was told. Given the length of the _Tethys_ and how long the Nautolan's strides were, the brunette knew roughly how long it would take Hiskari to reach her destination. Cordelia allocated ten… no fifteen seconds for dumbfounded gaping, then half the original time to come running back up the hall, and… "You had them install a me-sized aquarium in your new ship? You are so getting laid tonight!"

Wasn't that pretty much every night? And most mornings? And some afternoons? But hey, maybe there'd be some spankings and other kinky fun stuff mixed in too tonight. Woo! Looking up from her fourteenth new purple dress, Cordelia let it drop with a startled squawk as Hiskari lunged at her, sending them both sprawling back onto the sinfully large bed she'd had installed in the captain's cabin. As Hiskari peppered her face with kisses, Cordelia laughed and reached up to run her fingers over her girlfriend's headtresses. "So I take it you like it? It's a little plain for now because I thought you might enjoy decorating your own bedroom. And it's only like, eighty-four hundred gallons…"

"Sweetie?" Cupping the supine girl's face with both hands, Hiskari stared down into Cordelia's eyes. "The tank that I slept in back at the Jedi Temple was a little over four hundred gallons. I couldn't even properly stretch inside it without smacking the sides. What you're giving me is 'only' twenty-one times bigger than what I used to have. Twenty. One. Times. You are amazing. You are quite possibly the best girlfriend in the history of dating."

"It's really plain."

"I'll decorate it." Hiskari shifted so that her forearms rested on either side of Cordelia's head, lowering her head so their foreheads were touching. "Seriously, I can't believe you did that. Did any of this. You're incredible. Thank you."

Blushing faintly at the effusive praise, Cordelia pressed her lips against Hiskari's gently before realizing that her girlfriend had yet to mention something… or rather, a whole lot of somethings. Had she even noticed… "Just out of curiosity, did you notice any of your other presents while you were down there, or is there going to be another round of thanks and kisses later?"

Hiskari's eyes widened a bit and then she sat up, peering back over her shoulder. "There's other presents? What? Where?"

"…there were like, ten crates sitting in the cargo hold. At least two of them are clear and full of fish. You didn't notice any of this?" Cordelia let out a bemused chuckle as Hiskari shook her head slowly before scrambling off of her and bolting from the room. After debating for a few seconds, she climbed to her feet and followed at a far more sedate pace. By the time she reached the _Tethys_ 's port cargo hold, Hiskari had already located the crate with her new wardrobe in it, found an outfit that she'd liked, changed into it, and was in the process of examining a package of spherical glowlamps. "Well. That was fast."

Looking up from her prize, Hiskari nibbled on her lower lip uncertainly for a few seconds. "That's… what she said? Did I do that right?" Cordelia nodded dumbly as the Nautolan curled her free hand into a fist and punched the air. "Yes! I'm learning! Now, what are these for?"

Cordelia closed the distance between them and took the box from Hiskari before nodding in the direction of the tank. "I thought they'd be a fun and flexible way to light up your room. They're neutrally buoyant so they'll stay wherever you put them inside the tank. I was thinking that we could rig up a little bracelet with controls so that you can turn the lights on and off without having to swim around and poke each one manually?"

"Or possibly a transmitter rigged up to a biometric sensor that slowly turns them down as I get sleepy and then brings the light back up as I get close to waking up?" That sounded unnecessarily complicated, but… sure? Leaving Cordelia to hold the lights, Hiskari went back to digging through the crate she'd found them in, eventually emerging with- "…really?"

Doing her best to look innocent, Cordelia crouched down and placed the box of lights on the deck before taking the hundredth scale replica of a sunken Naboo barque from Hiskari. "According to Aquarium Fish Intergalactic, it's good to provide your pet fish with places they can hide when they need to."

Hiskari couldn't quite roll her eyes but in their time together, she'd learned a passable imitation thereof. "Now I'm tempted to make you get one that I'd actually fit in, just to be a pain in your butt." Reaching back into the crate, she paused and looked up. "Actually, now that I think about it… I feel more comfortable sleeping curled up with you than I do in the water, even though I need the water to survive. Do you think it has to do with some sort of primal… fish hiding instinct? Would it be better for me if we added something like that to my room? It wouldn't have to be that big because I like to sleep curled up in a ball, and-"

Reaching out, Cordelia pressed the tip of her finger against her girlfriend's lips. "Whatever you want. I know this is probably a foreign thing for you, growing up as a Jedi and all, but… this is literally all about you and what you want. If you want something to sleep inside, we'll get you something. If you want me to fly to Naboo, chop a chunk off a dead ship, and drag it inside? We'll… probably cause an incident but I'll still do it because I love you." It really wouldn't be that hard, Cordelia mused, seeing as how _DeepWater_ -class light freighters like the _Tethys_ were submersion-capable…

"In that case, I want… to go swimming." Grinning impishly, Hiskari hopped to her feet and then ran her hands down her body, admiring the purple bikini - not at all coincidentally the same shade as the majority of Cordelia's new outfits - that she'd chosen for herself. "I'm not going to insult you by asking if something you bought me is safe to swim in, so… how does this work? I obviously can't climb in from the top like my old tank, and I don't see anything like an airlock."

"You step inside." Climbing to her feet, Cordelia walked over to the tank and pushed her hand against the side. Flaring yellow, it rippled and flexed as she applied pressure before finally allowing her hand to slip through into the cool water inside. While the low fifties was a bit warmer than Hiskari's native waters, Cordelia felt it was a good compromise between her girlfriend's comfort and her own ability to survive for any real amount of time without drawing on the Force. "I actually read what Palpatine's engineers sent me about your space because, well, important. It's the same hydrostatic bubble technology that the Gungans use for their cities on Naboo. Air stays on one side, water stays on the other, and anything that can't apply enough pressure is stuck on whichever side it started on. Which is how we're going to…" Cordelia was interrupted by Hiskari getting a running start and then diving through the side of the tank, creating ripples in the bubble as the tank shifted to compensate for the amount of water her body displaced. "…keep your fish in. Well than. I guess I'll go back to unpacking my clothes. Don't stay in for too long; we need to figure out how to fly this thing before our departure slot opens up tomorrow morning."

 _'Are you kidding? Do you know how long I've been waiting for a chance like this?'_ Swimming back over to the side of her tank, Hiskari reached a hand through and fisted it in the front of Cordelia's dress. Before the brunette could stop her, Hiskari pulled her partway through the bubble, drenching Cordelia's head and upper body as she kissed Cordelia fiercely. Surprisingly, Cordelia didn't feel any sort of shortness of breath when she was finally released and gently pushed back out onto the breathable side of the bubble. _'It's the trick that Master Fisto used to save Aayla on Kamino. I'm using my body to pull oxygen out of the water and share it with you.'_

Reaching up behind her back, Cordelia unzipped her partially-sodden dress and let it drop to the floor. _'So as long as I keep kissing you, I can stay underwater as long as I want? Wow. What a sacrifice.'_

 _'Mmhmm. Who needs a rebreather when you have a girlfriend as amazing as me? Oh, and Cordelia?'_ Looking her girlfriend up and down, Hiskari leaned forward and quite deliberately flexed the muscles around her right eye: the closest she could manage to the winks that Cordelia shot her. _'Love the underwear. You can keep it on… at least for a few more minutes. Now get in here.'_

 _'Yes, ma'am.'_


	12. Vong for the Unloved

Joe's Note: And now we get into the rich backstory created by the CGI movie and following television show. Once again, there's going to be some seriously problematic stuff here because they really didn't even keep their internal continuity straight in just the 'only the movie and television shows are TRULY canon' respect, much less keeping things straight with their books and comics. Also, am I the only one who wondered why Obi-Wan never got a new padawan? I mean, he's the one who asked for one and with how many knights and masters bit it in the war, you would think there'd be orphaned padawans in desperate need of a good home to say nothing of the younglings reaching the age of apprenticeship…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Daniel, Christopher, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, MJ, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Paul, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"I can honestly say that I've never seen anything quite like that ship…"

"It almost looks like a Mon Cal design, but I don't think they've ever used chromium. Strange. Well, as long as it's carrying our reinforcements, I don't really care who made it."

Obi-Wan nodded in agreement, feeling his first real smile in days if not weeks dawn as he and Anakin walked toward the craft descending toward the landing pad. What should have been the Battle of Christophsis was quickly turning into the Siege of Christophsis, their small force of clones and artillery proving to be no match for the Separatist forces that had lain in wait for them on the planet. But if friendly ships were reaching the surface again - and whatever their visitor was flying, it was broadcasting a GAR transponder code - that meant Admiral Yularen had regained orbital supremacy and the worst was over. "Then it looks like our problems are solved. Fresh troops, new supplies, and perhaps they've brought my new padawan with them."

That earned him a raised eyebrow and an uncertain look from his former padawan. "A new padawan?" Anakin shot a glance over at where a pair of clonetroopers were helping one of their brothers limp over to a waiting medic. "You really think it's a good idea to bring a padawan learner into all this?"

"I spoke to Master Yoda about it. Even before the war broke out, the number of promising younglings in need of masters far outstripped the number of masters available to take on padawans. Geonosis and the battles since have only thinned that number further. It might not be the best idea, no, but it's important to the future of the order and so I will do my part." Pausing at the edge of the ad hoc landing pad, Obi-Wan nudged Anakin in the ribs with his elbow. "You should put in a request for a padawan of your own. You'd make a good teacher."

Anakin gave a faint shudder at that before shaking his head vehemently. "No thanks."

Letting out a sigh that was echoed by the ship as it touched down and began the process of powering down its engines, Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. His padawan… or rather, former padawan could be so short-sighted sometimes. Obi-Wan's own elevation from knight to master had come with Anakin's completion of the Trials of Knighthood. If Anakin never took a padawan - which was his right, granted - he would forever be stuck at the rank of Jedi Knight. He would never obtain the title he so craved, nor would he be allowed to serve on one of the three lesser Councils much less the High Council. Not to mention… "Anakin, teaching is a privilege. And it's part of a Jedi's responsibility to help train the next generation."

"A padawan would just slow me down."

"Given some of your escapades, I'm not entirely sure that would be a bad thing." Before Anakin could respond, the unusual ship lowered its boarding ramp to reveal the absolute last people that Obi-Wan had been expecting to see. Accompanied by what appeared to be a Togruta youngling was the bane of young Anakin's existence… and someone that Obi-Wan wasn't terribly eager to see either. And her girlfriend, who Obi-Wan didn't really have any strong feelings about one way or the other. "Padawan Dorset. And Padawan Chase. You look… familiar."

Pausing at the base of the ramp, Cordelia looked herself over before shrugging and closing the distance between them. In the brief time that Obi-Wan had known the brunette, she had been through three distinctly different looks: Coruscanti street fashion, Kaminoan armor, and now a combination of the latter and traditional Jedi robes… in purple, of course, because Cordelia seemed incapable of doing anything by the book. "I'm not the biggest fan of it myself, but now that I'm serving as the chancellor's personal representative to the Jedi Order, I've got a slightly stricter dress code than I used to. Oh well. As far as prices to pay for power go, it's not terrible. And I'm still avoiding that shitty Fifty Shades of Beige look that most of you are rocking, so hey. Go me. But where are my manners?"

"You have none."

"Bite me, Emokin." Sneering, Cordelia raised one hand in what was presumably an obscene gesture among her people before refocusing her attention on Obi-Wan. "Anyway, I'm here for a few different reasons. Yoda's still using me as his errand girl; I've got a message for you and Skywalker. The chancellor has me visiting eight planets in the next fourteen days to report back on the state of different fronts. And as you can probably guess from my adorable orange shadow… oh, don't give me that look, you're cute. Deal with it." The youngling made an affronted noise and crossed her arms over her chest as Cordelia rubbed between the young girl's montrals. "Meet Ahsoka Tano. Skywalker's new padawan learner."

"What? No, no, no." Raising his hands, Anakin shook his head rapidly before pointing in Obi-Wan's direction. "There must be some mistake. He's the one who wanted the padawan."

While Obi-Wan was by no means a master of reading Togruta expressions despite his years of friendship with Shaak Ti, he swore that Ahsoka looked distinctly smug as she brushed past Cordelia and came to stand in front of Anakin. "No, Master Yoda was very specific. I'm assigned to Anakin Skywalker and he is to supervise my Jedi training."

Anakin crossed his arms over his chest as he assumed what Obi-Wan was amused to realize was a near-perfect mimic of Ahsoka's own petulant stance, scowling down at his new padawan mulishly. "But that doesn't make any sense."

After exchanging a look with the bemused Cordelia, Obi-Wan sighed and decided to wade in for the sake of expediency. Leave it to Anakin to pass the trials and still be as immature as a young… err, padawan. "We'll have to sort this out later. For now, let's focus on the important things. Namely the fact that it won't be long before those droids figure out a way around our cannons."

Shooting one last unhappy look at Ashoka, Anakin nodded and turned on his heel. "I'll check on Rex in the lookout post."

Clearing his throat, Obi-Wan waited for Anakin to pause and look back at him before inclining his head in the young Togruta's direction. "You'd better take her with you… Master Skywalker." Barely managing to avoid a laugh at the look on his former apprentice's face, Obi-Wan waited until Anakin and Ahsoka were out of earshot before turning to Cordelia. "I believe you mentioned having a message for us?"

"New mission. Not really relevant until we dig you out of this mess. But first, before you get too jealous of Anakin?" Cordelia grinned widely before pivoting and pointing at… Hiskari? "With Master J'Mikel dead, someone needs to complete her training so she can undergo the trials and… well, guess who got nominated? Which means you get me too, because I go where she goes." Before Obi-Wan could master the emotions that her statement elicited, enough of them showed on his face that Cordelia burst into loud peals of laughter. "Oh my God, your face right now. I mean, I know you don't like me and all, but… damn. One of these days, I'm going to learn how to play sabacc and when I do? I'm going to clean you out. Don't worry, we brought you a care package from the Temple and it's not either of us." Shaking her head in amusement, Cordelia looked back toward the ship she'd arrived in - quite possibly her ship, given how many possessions the thoroughly un-Jedi-like young woman seemed to have - and let out a piercing whistle. A tall, bulky figure came stomping down the ramp in response, clad in a black cloak with the hood pulled up to conceal its face. The cloak shifted with each step, giving Obi-Wan glimpses of glossy black, blue, and bone-colored plating. Interesting. Was it a cultural concession akin to Aayla's revealing leather outfits, or was his new padawan naturally armored? Perhaps a Barabel? "She lost her original master on Geonosis like Hiskari; the High Council thinks that you're best suited to handle her… uniqueness… after surviving Anakin for so many years. May I present the one, the only, the vaguely terrifying… Padawan Dien'vi Kwaad."

Reaching up, Dien'vi Kwaad slowly lowered her hood but before Obi-Wan could take in more than an intense pair of blue eyes set in a face significantly more human than he'd been expecting, a shrill scream came from somewhere back and to his right. Spinning, he drew his lightsaber and ignited it, only to find himself facing a trio of clonetroopers… or more precisely, two clonetroopers who were staring at the third in disbelief. "I… err… I would call that more than just 'vaguely' terrifying. Sir."

Obi-Wan shook his head as he extinguished his lightsaber, turning back to his new padawan so he could more thoroughly appraise her. She was certainly different, that was for sure. Given the extent of his travels, the grey skin, the two slender tendrils growing from each cheek, and pointed ears weren't terribly unusual… but the plethora of piercings certainly weren't what he'd expected from a new apprentice. The tattoos? Equally unusual among the Jedi but he was good friends with a Mirialan and a Kiffar; he found himself more curious about their significance than unsettled by their presence. And then there was the matter of her outfit. While a bit more revealing than he would have cared for, it wasn't as bad as some of Cordelia's attire and he knew from experience that it carried significant benefits. Because while she would be a mystery to most members of the Order, he was familiar with her species - and their fascinating biotech - from one of his first missions with Anakin. That said, Obi-Wan certainly hadn't been expecting to see one again any time soon… especially as a member of the Jedi Order. "A Vong? Forgive me if this is rude, but I wasn't aware that any of your kind had made it of off Zonama Sekot."

Lips curling upward in a smile that made her look even more unsettlingly vicious for a teenager, Dien'vi chuckled lowly. "My people help grow some of the fastest ships in the galaxy, Master Kenobi. That was a very foolish assumption to make. Also, I am not a 'Vong' and if you ever again imply that I am unacceptable to the gods, I will gut you, master or not. I am Dien'vi of Domain Kwaad, of the Yiwaahn Vong."

Bursting into giggles as Obi-Wan took a step back, his eyes widening in alarm, Cordelia reached up and carefully patted Dien'vi on the shoulder. "A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Oh, and if she asks you to partake in a religious ritual? You should probably pass. Master Tranor found that out the hard way."

"One time." Scowling, Dien'vi brushed Cordelia's hand off her shoulder and then stalked past Obi-Wan, muttering under her breath as she went. "You convince your master to let you graft a pair of neebray wings to her spine one time, and the galaxy never lets you forget it…"

* * *

 _As the star field elongated before collapsing into a swirling blue tunnel, Cordelia leaned back in her seat and turned to look at her copilot. Or rather, at the girl who had decided that she wanted to sit in the copilot's seat for the departure from Coruscant, displacing Hiskari for the time being. She could still feel annoyance radiating off her girlfriend in the Force but… well, neither of them wanted to press the subject with a six foot something girl covered in spiked armor. "You know, you're awfully human-looking for an extra-galactic alien. What's up with that?"_

 _Turning slowly to face the brunette, Dien'vi regarded Cordelia with a mixture of uncertainty and distrust. "…Master Tranor repeatedly assured me that only the High Council and my healer knew the truth about my origins."_

 _Grinning smugly, Cordelia kicked her feet up onto the console between them as she raked her eyes up and down over the Yiwaahn Vong. "If it makes you feel better, she was mostly right. The High Council, your healer, and the chancellor were the only ones who knew. Oh, and obviously Valorum before Palpatine, and probably a few aides of his too because some of Palpatine's people know. Now that I work for the chancellor? I'm one of those people. Ever since he learned about the Yuuzhan Vong, he's been obsessed with you. Had a hefty file on you that he offered to let me read when I was assigned this mission. Considering you'd be near the top of the female half of my To-Do List if Hiskari offered me a cheat day? I couldn't pass that offer up."_

 _Dien'vi didn't raise an eyebrow the way Cordelia would have because she didn't have any, but she proved herself to be human-ish both inside and out by arching one brow in a very similar expression. "Your… To-Do List?" Cordelia gave her lips a slow and lascivious lick before blowing the grey-skinned girl a kiss. Dien'vi's pale skin flushed a darker shade of grey at that, making the brunette giggle as she stretched her right arm out, finding Hiskari's hand and interlacing their fingers. "Oh. I see. While flattered, I am uncertain as to what caste you would be considered among my people. A relationship with you could offend Yun-Q'aah and Yun-Txiin."_

 _"Who?"_

 _"The Lover Gods."_

 _"Wait, seriously? Sign me up. Offending the High Council with my relationship was pretty awesome, but offending actual gods would be so much cooler." Cordelia shot a look over at Hiskari, who shrugged before smirking and nodding agreeably. God, she had really corrupted the girl in their time together. It was awesome. Leaning in, she peppered kisses over Hiskari's fingers before grinning up at her girlfriend wickedly. The Nautolan had said… "Don't suppose you wanna catch a holodrama next time you're back on Coruscant?" After a few seconds of silence, Cordelia peeked over to find Dien'vi shooting her a baleful look. "What? I had to try. If you decide you're up for some heresy, though, call me. Hiskari swears she'll try anything once and we haven't crossed 'threesome' off our list yet." Hiskari offered her best imitation of rolling her eyes even as Dien'vi scowled at Cordelia. "But enough of that. While I have you at my mercy… I've been dying of curiosity ever since I read this. Did you really grow your lightsaber?"_

 _Dien'vi continued to regard her unhappily for several seconds before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened her eyes once more, her face was an expressionless mask. If the vaunted Jedi calm was good for one thing, Cordelia mused, it was that anyone she irritated would feel guilty about being irritated and do their best to get over it as quickly as possible. Reaching down, Dien'vi drew her lightsaber and held the hilt out to Cordelia. "Parts of it are Yiwaahn Vong biots, yes, and I even grew the outer casing myself. Master Tranor had me assemble what I could in the Temple on Coruscant, and then took me back to Zonama Sekot to complete the process. The focusing crystal is a lambent, and I managed to adapt a power gland in place of the diatium power cells that the rest of you use. Then I laid out the innards atop a piece of durasteel, introduced certain biological components, and then shaped the resulting yorik coral into the hilt of my lightsaber."_

 _Releasing Hiskari's hand, Cordelia turned to face the taller girl and took the hilt with a soft noise of appreciation, gently trailing her fingers over the lightsaber's ridges and curves. "Well shit. And here I thought I was an overachiever with my fused plastoid trick. That's really, really cool. Okay, one last question and then I'll let you go… wait, no, two questions. One: is it true that you're pretty much blasterproof?"_

 _"I am not, no. My vonduun crab armor, on the other hand, can absorb bolts from most any blaster that a humanoid can carry."_

 _"Huh. Good to know. Not trading in my armor any time soon, but if I ever feel the urge? I will look you up. Okay, and the second question is… why did we need to pack up the paludarium in your quarters and bring it with you to the_ Resolute _?"_

 _Reaching down, Dien'vi grabbed something and tossed it up into the air, eliciting shrill screams from both Cordelia and Hiskari as wings unfurled and left a massive, ugly bug hovering in the air next to the Yiwaahn Vong. "I am among the few Jedi who choose to arm themselves with something other than a lightsaber… and I prefer to grow my weapons."_


	13. Hits from the Vong

Joe's Note: If you're viewing this somewhere that offers chapter titles, you might have noticed a commonality between this chapter and the last: song title puns. Backstreet Boys and Cypress Hill respectively, because I have really eclectic musical tastes. This chapter covers a bit more of _Star Wars: The Clone Wars_ before sending Anakin, Obi-Wan, and their new padawans off on an adventure as Cordelia and Hiskari move on to other tasks. Part of this chapter was originally the end of the previous chapter, before I realized that I needed to share some of the information in my head with the rest of you so that Dien'vi made sense, and I pushed things back to make room for the flashback scene. Hope you enjoy it even if it is a bit late in coming.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Daniel, Christopher, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, MJ, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Paul, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

 _"In the future, if you could not levitate my droids for telekinesis practice? I'd really appreciate it."_

 _"Why?"_

 _Kicking in the repulsorlifts, Cordelia guided the_ Tethys _up off the decking and then out of the_ Resolute _'s dorsal flight deck, straight into the thick of a raging battle. "Because they really, really don't like it. If you hadn't already picked up on that, what with the continued shrill screaming that pulled me away from a very warm girlfriend to come see what the hell was going on."_

 _While Cordelia couldn't see what Dien'vi was doing, the status monitor on her control panel told her enough: the shields were now online, weapons were charged, and the Yiwaahn Vong had primed the explosive bolts just in case they needed to jettison certain pieces of the hull plating and use the ship's weapons of last resort. "Do you ever worry about whether or not your lightsaber enjoys being levitated? Or your datapad? Or your-"_

 _"They're not sapient. Willow and Fred are."_

 _"No, they are not. They are quite cleverly designed to make you believe they are, but-"_

 _Twisting the control yoke, Cordelia spun her surprisingly nimble little freighter to starboard, allowing a vulture droid and the V-19 Torrent chasing it to slip past her. Laying in a course for the planet, she accelerated the ship to top speed before sparing a moment to glare back over her shoulder at Dien'vi. "If you want to believe that? Then fine. Don't fuck with them because they're my property and I'm telling you not to." Returning her gaze to the planet that was steadily growing larger in front of them, Cordelia shook her head. "As of right now, this ship has a permanent crew of two instead of the six it really should have. Even if I didn't like them, I need those droids to keep this thing running. Especially Fred; R3 units are godsends when it comes to routine ship maintenance. Oh, and for the record? If you can't learn to stow that sort of sentiment, you're going to have a hell of a time as Obi-Wan's apprentice. He's almost always with Anakin, and Anakin treats his astromech better than he treats some people. Say something like that around him, and you'll end up cleaning carbon scoring off Artoo with your toothbrush."_

 _The silence from behind Cordelia stretched on for almost a minute, finally broken by an unhappy sigh from Dien'vi's direction. "Before we came to this galaxy, my people were caught up in a war between two species of droids. If not for Yuuzhan'tar giving us the knowledge to grow and shape biots, we would have been destroyed. Here, we have come to tolerate the existence of droids… but we will never like them nor will we respect them."_

 _"And that's fine. But you don't have to like or respect my astromechs to not torture the poor things. Although you can feel free to dislike and disrespect those incoming vulture droids. Looks like a whole squad of the damn things." Eyeing the sensor returns, Cordelia debated changing course before realizing there really was no better option. Before she could relay that to her companion, the_ Tethys _shuddered faintly as Dien'vi retracted the weapon housings and then bolts of green light went racing past the cockpit as all of the ship's guns open fired simultaneously. "Woo! Make it rain!"_

 _As one fighter after another fell to Dien'vi's merciless fire, the older girl simultaneously directing the ship's lateral turbolasers with uncanny precision even as she fed targets to the four dual laser cannon turrets, there was a faint crackle in Cordelia's ear. "_ Tethys _, this is the_ Resolute _. Commander Chase, we cannot withstand this level of punishment for much longer."_

 _Cordelia frowned as she checked the sensors again. Punishment… was an understatement. The single_ Venator _-class ship was under attack from a handful of Confederacy frigates, at least two light destroyers, and the might of the_ Invincible _, a massive_ Providence _-class carrier. As gifted a tactician as he was, there was no way Admiral Yularen could emerge victorious against those odds. "We're clear enough; the Separatists are too far out of position to hit us with anything bigger than vulture droids. Get out of here and come back with enough firepower to stomp a mudhole in their asses."_

 _"…quite. The rest of the battle group was almost finished replenishing when we departed; we should be back shortly. May the Force be with you, Commander._ Resolute _out."_

 _The connection died just as the last vulture droid fell to Dien'vi's expert fire; when the sensors turned up no other adversaries with even the slimmest hope of intercepting them before they made planetfall, Cordelia charted a course for their destination on the surface and then fed it to the autopilot, allowing her to turn and face Dien'vi. Given that their week-long journey was nearing an end, there was at least one more question that she really needed an answer to, lest she fail her primary mission for the chancellor. "Oh so hey, before you head down to get ready for deployment, one last question for you. Meant to ask a few days ago, but I was a little busy screaming over your giant creepy bug and then it slipped my mind. We've already established that you're an extra-galactic alien, or rather that you were born here but your people come from outside the galaxy. But I've been wondering… your people on Zonama Sekot are the Yiwaahn Vong. What's the difference between them and the Yuuzhan Vong?"_

 _Dien'vi gave a start at the question, staring at Cordelia with wide eyes for several seconds before catching herself and shaking her head. "My apologies; it's still strange to hear you speak their name given that I never discussed the Yuuzhan Vong with my former master, the High Council, or anyone else for that matter. One of these days, I would like to meet Chancellor Palpatine and find out how he came to know of them. To answer your question, though, Vong means 'children' in our tongue. The Yuuzhan Vong are therefore the 'Children of Yun-Yuuzhan', who is our creator god. That is who my people were… before. They are the people who laid waste to their entire galaxy as they fought amongst themselves for childish reasons. They are the ones that we left behind to die in the wasteland that they had created. When Yuuzhan'tar gave birth to the planet that is now Zonama Sekot, my ancestors - the residents of Yuuzhan'tar who were in the wrong place at the wrong time - were abandoned by the Yuuzhan Vong. But rather than die, they allowed their new home to guide them to a better place and a better way of life. That is when we became the Yiwaahn Vong, the 'Forgotten Children'."_

 _While they would need to figure out a way to verify that information, and a greater sample of the Yiwaahn Vong population would have to be interviewed somehow to ensure that Dien'vi's negative opinion of the Yuuzhan Vong was the norm rather than the exception? Cordelia was exceptionally happy to hear that there might not be love lost between the domestic and invading Vong. Especially given that if he received the wrong answer to the question, Palpatine was perfectly willing to order the complete eradication of every last member of the Yiwaahn Vong to deny his eventual foe a friendly foothold in the galaxy, up to and including Dien'vi herself. Although it made Cordelia wonder… did they truly not know that they weren't the last of their kind? And if Dien'vi was a Jedi and Master Kenobi's report had made no mention of the natives of Zonama Sekot existing outside the Force… assuming Palpatine's visions were accurate, what the fuck was up with the Yuuzhan Vong?_

* * *

"That shield is certainly putting a crimp in my day!"

"It's no use, sir! Even at full power, the cannon doesn't affect it!"

"All right, Rex. It was worth a try. Tell the men to fall back!"

Leaning against the spindly leg of one of the massive AV-7 anti-vehicle cannons as it finally fell silent, Cordelia raised an eyebrow as she watched the clone commander scamper off to take care of business. "I know that we're basically just buying time for Anakin and his new shadow, but does this mean we're moving on to the phase of the plan where I get to do more than just look pretty?" Not that she objected to that sort of thing most of the time, but she was bored. And she really wanted to see how Obi-Wan would react to what his new padawan could do on the battlefield.

Obi-Wan nodded, pointing toward a particular bit of debris that a handful of clones were gathering behind. "As amusing as it is to watch Anakin give young Ahsoka a trial by fire, I'd prefer to get to know my new padawan under slightly more controlled circumstances. With Anakin gone, I'm going to put you in command of Rex and the rest of Torrent Company. They're used to fighting behind a Jedi, so you shouldn't have any problems. Hiskari can take the elements of Ghost Company that I'm not leading. Are either of you familiar enough with Dien'vi to fight with her, or-"

"Nope, but I know exactly what we're going to do with her: send her right up the middle." Cordelia grinned at the dumbfounded look on Obi-Wan's face before gesturing over at where the young Yiwaahn Vong was talking with Commander Cody. Having long ago jettisoned her cloak, Dien'vi's armor was on full display. Full spiky, creepy, ominous display. "I know you've visited Zonama Sekot, but I don't remember reading that you ran into problems on the ground. I've never shot a Mandalorian, so I can't conclusively tell you that vonduun crab armor is stronger than _beskar'gam_ but… yeah. I shot her. A bunch. Didn't really do much, even when I tried a clone's blaster rifle on her. So unless they send in vulture droids, she's pretty much invincible. Hence me suggesting that we send her up the middle."

After opening and closing his mouth several times, Obi-Wan paused to think for several seconds before trying to speak again. Words failed him once more, sending him back to the mental drawing board. Time ticked by as Cordelia made a show of checking her non-existent watch; finally, after nearly a minute, Obi-Wan sighed and shook his head despondently. "I don't even know where to start with that. I'm just going to take Rex and head for the ambush point. If you could not get my padawan killed while I'm gone, I would appreciate it."

Cordelia rolled her eyes as Obi-Wan turned and walked away, barely managing to suppress the urge to make a rude gesture at his retreating back. Contrary to popular belief, she wasn't an idiot. Or a lunatic. Dien'vi had been supremely confident in her armor's ability to soak up blaster bolts, but Cordelia had reasoned that there were safer ways to test that claim than tossing her into the line of fire. Hence shooting at the Yiwaahn Vong herself. And it wasn't even like she'd aimed for vital areas at first; Cordelia's initial shots had targeted the taller girl's legs and arms. Only after witnessing the armor's ability to soak up fire for herself had Cordelia moved inward to fire on center mass. Now that they knew for a fact that Dien'vi was telling the truth about her armor's capabilities? They could plan accordingly. Testing something before using it. Wow. What a novel concept.

Before Cordelia could wind herself up any further into a seething ball of indignation, sunlight glinting off of glass drew her attention to where a pair of clones were wrestling a large paludarium into the space between two of the AV-7s. She shuddered; as useful as a renewable, organic source of grenades would be as the war dragged on… Dien'vi's weapons were gross as fuck. Although hey, she'd get to see them in person during the upcoming battle. More intel for her to pass on to Palpatine. Rock on. As Cordelia made her way over to the paludarium, Dien'vi and Hiskari moved to join her. "Right. So, plan is as follows: I take the blue clones, Hiskari takes the orange clones, and Dien'vi? You stomp your way into the middle of all those droids and kill as many as you can. First person to take out a tank gets a new dress when we get back to Coruscant; if someone can take out the general and ruin Obi-Wan and Anakin's plan, they get a whole new wardrobe."

"I greatly approve of this plan." Dien'vi thrust both hands into the paludarium, emerging with a quartet of ugly bugs that curled into little balls so she could tuck them into black leather pouches on her belt. Picking up one last bug that was larger and uglier than all the others, she turned away and thought for a moment before winding up and hurling it in the direction of the slowly approaching Separatist army. A few seconds after it left her hand, wings extended from the bug's back and it accelerated to an even higher rate of speed, piercing the glowing red energy shield and slamming into one of the _Persuader_ -class tank droids. Holding up her hand, Dien'vi counted down from five, the front of the tank detonating violently as she reached zero. "I shall take a dark blue or black dress for my prize."

…holy shit. Suddenly, Cordelia found herself all the more hopeful that Dien'vi's people wouldn't need to be… dealt with… for the security of the Republic. Because if those bugs and Dien'vi's armor were representative of their military technology? There was no way she was tackling the natives of Zonama Sekot without a legion of clonetroopers at her back. And the full platoon of her Valkyries, once they were ready. And for good measure, probably an entire battle group of attack cruisers ready to glass the planet from orbit if need be.


	14. Blueberry Preserved

Joe's Note: Since this is the one story that seems to receive mostly positive reviews on a regular basis, I don't have any sort of pithy rejoinders to put here. So instead… here's a chapter based on the episodes 'Jedi Crash' and 'Defenders of Peace'; they were two of the first I bought off the iTunes Store way back in the day because I wanted to see how Aayla was being handled in the cartoon. Love the accent; could stand to lose most everything else. The next chapter will also be taken from the show and cover the 'The Mandalore Plot', 'Voyage of Temptation', 'Duchess of Mandalore' trilogy before moving on to a chapter based on a Timothy Zahn short set during the Clone Wars. Enjoy!  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Daniel, Christopher, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, MJ, Thyatira, William, Wil, Invernos, Jack, Pat, Warren, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"I swear to God, the only way I could spend more of my life cleaning up after Skywalker's bad decisions was if I was fucking his wife." Pausing, Cordelia tilted her head to the side as she pondered that for a few seconds before glancing over at Hiskari. "Ever wanted to bang a senator who used to be a queen? I feel like she'd probably be down for it, between the general neglect and… well, you've heard what Barriss has to say about-"

Hiskari grimaced, raising both hands and cutting off Cordelia in mid-thought. "Yes I did and I like to pretend that I was halfway across the galaxy during that discussion, thank you very much. As for Padmé… like you told Dien'vi, I do want to try a threesome at least once. Do you think she got to keep the dresses from when she was queen? Because that could make for some fun roleplaying…"

The pair dissolved into giggles as they resumed their trek down the stark metal hallway toward the bridge, the sharp clicks of Cordelia's heeled boots contrasting with the softer whisper of Hiskari's ballet slippers against the floor. Shoes were a relatively new addition to the Nautolan's wardrobe but after stepping in puddles of Lord only knew what on battlefields one too many times, Hiskari had finally acquiesced to Cordelia's nagging and started wearing them. The absolute minimum necessary, hence Cordelia introducing her favorite cordwainer to what had apparently been a uniquely Earth design despite the presence of ballet here in her new universe. Whatever. A number of prominent ballet companies had already placed orders so they could outfit all their dancers; at the rate they were selling, Cordelia would be able to buy another custom batch of clones outright instead of bartering with the Kaminoans again.

Reaching the oversized pneumatic door that led to the bridge, Cordelia held her hand up to halt Hiskari as they took a few moments to compose themselves. Once they'd settled into the best approximation of the vaunted Jedi calm that they could manage, she stepped into range of the door's sensors and waited for them to open just wide enough to admit her before charging through. "It would appear that you've misplaced my Jedi, Admiral."

Admiral Wullf Yularen looked up from a holotank showing the current disposition of the fleet, scowling at the interruption to his work. It was actually kinda nice to get that reaction, Cordelia mused; far too many members of the military - including an alarming number of high-ranking officers - were entirely too deferential when it came to interacting with their new Jedi overseers… even when they didn't deserve that sort of respect. "Your Jedi managed to lose an entire section of destroyers, Commander; her insistence on taking them to the edge of Quell's atmosphere ensured that there were few survivors from the destroyed ships. Two _Consular_ -class cruisers worth from the _Liberty_ , to be precise; a third was only partially full when it disengaged to avoid being caught in the ship's destruction."

"To be fair? Aayla openly admitted that space combat wasn't something she knew much about. Putting her in command of even one ship was idiotic; whoever gave her an entire section should be shot." Cordelia sighed as she made her way over to join Yularen at the holotank. These days, far too many Jedi were being pressed into roles they had no business occupying and it was getting a lot of good people killed. Possibly one of her good people. "The mission report you sent to Coruscant said they vanished into hyperspace and you were calculating possible destinations. What have you got for me?"

Manipulating the controls, Yularen brought up an image of the Quell system and then began pulling back. "Here's local space." A red line emerged from the dot representing Quell, slowly lancing out into the unknown until it plowed directly into another system's star. "And this is Maridun. If sensor readings are correct, their path would have taken them directly into the system's star."

Cordelia frowned as she leaned in, manipulating the hologram to zoom in on the Maridun system. "We're going to assume that either the hyperdrive cut out safely before that happened, or they repaired enough damage to be able to pull themselves out before that happened. Because if they didn't… well, we're not going to have much of a job to do here. The _Tethys_ is faster than anything else in this system; I'll take it straight to the Maridun system and then begin scanning the one inhabited planet to see if they landed there to continue with repairs. As soon as you're ready, deploy anything and everything with a hyperdrive that you have at your disposal and begin leapfrogging your cruisers toward us. If they managed to drop out of hyperspace between here and Maridun, it'll be your job to find them. If you make it all the way to me, we'll join up to search the planet faster. Sound good?"

In the midst of nodding along, Yularen froze and then eyed her uncertainly. "You're actually asking me?"

"You've been in the navy longer than I've been alive, Admiral. Of course I'm asking for your advice here. I'm brash, I'm snarky, I'm a pain in the ass… but I know where my strengths lie." Straightening up, Cordelia let her hand drift down to rest on the holodisc containing Aayla's new orders; it had taken hours of cajoling to get Palpatine to sign off on her plan and if Aayla had gone and gotten herself blown up, Cordelia was going to be very upset. Not just with Aayla, but with herself for not moving sooner to secure her friend's safety. "I'm being commanding because I have a friend who's in danger and I need to feel like I'm doing something useful. If I'm doing something wrong, tell me before I end up putting the rest of us in danger too."

Yularen continued to stare at Cordelia as his expression slowly shifted to approval. "That I can do, Commander Chase. That I can do. In that case… do you have any clonetroopers under your command or should I send the elements of the 327th Star Corps that I have aboard with you? Maridun was home to a minor Separatist base; knowing Skywalker and Secura, they'll manage to stumble across it. And we've got enough Syliure-31 rings to outfit an entire squadron of V-19s if you think you'll need fighter support."

Caught a bit off guard by the barrage of questions, Cordelia found herself alternating between shaking her head and nodding. "Let Aayla's boys rest for now; I've collected two full squads of oddballs over the past few months who bunk aboard the _Tethys_. I'd rather have fewer troopers that I know well than a bigger group who don't know how to fight with me and Hiskari. I'll take the V-19s, though, they sound handy. Hmm. Do we have time to repaint them with purple markings? It's kinda my thing." Letting out an aggravated sigh, Yularen turned and walked away. "That's a no, isn't it? I feel like it's a no."

* * *

"Now they'll have to get their hands dirty and meet us face-to-face."

"That's a lot of clankers."

"Yes, and we've gotta stop them before they get through that shield."

Aayla shook her head at how eager Anakin and his new padawan appeared; given that they were all fighting injured - some of them more so than others - a battle was the last thing they should be looking forward to. Especially given that the squads of mixed B1 and B2 battle droids were being supplemented by dwarf spider droids and three tanks, and the Twi'lek knew from experience that the single landing ship they'd seen earlier could return and quickly deploy the many times more opponents it was holding in reserve. Aayla shot one last glance back over her shoulder before joining the others in leaping up and over the seedpod barrier they'd created; they'd be getting no help from the Lurmen. Three Jedi and two clones versus the assembled Separatist forces. Lovely.

As the quintet slipped into their preferred ready stances, the Jedi activating their lightsabers, their pre-battle rituals were interrupted by a loud chirp from Aayla's comlink. Pulling it from a pocket on her belt with her free hand, she eyed it uncertainly before thumbing it on. The voice that emerged was the absolute last person Aayla expected. "With how often ships seem to explode around you these days, I have some serious reservations about letting you aboard the _Tethys_ after I rescue you."

Even as Ahsoka and Anakin let out twin groans of dismay, Aayla found herself breaking into a wide smile as she extinguished her lightsaber. "Cordelia. From what you've told me about your ship, it would be perfect for a rousing game of… I believe you called it 'hide and go fuck yourself'?"

"That's my girl. Next time, though, lose the hesitation and go straight for the kill. Speaking of the kill, get your cute blue butt back under the shield so I don't shoot you by accident. Take the clones and Ahsoka with you, but feel free to leave Anakin where he is. I'll see you in… twenty seconds. _Tethys_ out." Without waiting to see what her companions would choose to do, Aayla spun on her heel and dashed for the safety provided by their… liberated… deflector shield generators. Rex and Bly were quick to join her; Ahsoka seemed caught between conflicting urges for a few seconds before realizing that discretion was the better part of valor and joining them. Anakin was the last to retreat, which Aayla wanted to chalk up to his injuries but was honest enough to admit probably had more to do with his unhealthy lust to prove himself. Then the _Tethys_ came screaming in low over the plains and Aayla let out a sigh of relief as the ship's lateral turbolasers took out the middle and right tanks with a single blast each. The sublight drive cut out, leaving the ship drifting on its repulsorlifts as it spun in midair, the ventral dual laser cannon turrets raking the battle droids' formation and eliminating a third of them as the _Tethys_ passed. Coming to a stop a few feet away from the shield, the freighter's boarding ramp descended and Cordelia came stalking out, backed by two full squads of clonetroopers with purple markings on their white armor. "Alpha Squad, with me. Omega Squad, guard my Twi'lek. If she gets hurt, you're going to be rotating through fish tank duty from now until she's healed."

Hooking her lightsaber to her belt, Aayla let out a huff as nine of the new clonetroopers formed an arch in front of her and dropped to one knee, rifles at the ready. Two more took up ready positions on either side of her even as the squad medic began inspecting her various cuts and bruises. While she hadn't exactly been in the mood to go charging into battle… "I can protect myself, thank you very much. Last time I checked, I was the Jedi Knight while you were still just a lowly padawan."

Cordelia shot a disbelieving look back over her shoulder as she drew and ignited her twin purple lightsabers. "They're not here to protect you from the droids, they're here to protect you from yourself; I'm pretty sure that you're a bigger threat to your own safety than anything else on this planet."

"…I hate you."

* * *

"What the hell is… why aren't you dressed?"

Perched on the edge of a counter in the galley, Cordelia raised an eyebrow as she used the Force to slowly propel her spoon in circles around her mug of hot chocolate. "This ship is my home; if I want to wander around in my underwear after a long day of flying around the galaxy and rescuing stranded Jedi, that's my right. And really, you of all people wants to criticize someone for not wearing enough? Really?"

Aayla opened and closed her mouth several times before jerking a thumb back over her shoulder. "And what about the fact that your 'home' has two dozen men wandering around it at all times?"

"My home also has a half-naked Nautolan wandering around it at all times; apart from a few formal outfits, Hiskari's entire wardrobe is bathing suits these days so that she can duck in and out of her room at any time." Cordelia shrugged before nodding in the direction of one of the clonetroopers as he slipped past Aayla and entered the galley, making his way over to rummage through the cabinet that held the Ready Rations that she'd yet to convince them to abandon in favor of eating real food. "I'm pretty sure they're all desensitized to seeing skin by now."

Before Aayla could respond to that, the clone let out a low chuckle as he pulled out the ration pack of his choice. "Ma'am, no ma'am. We're just smart enough to realize that if we say anything, you and Commander Dorset will cover up. So we keep quiet and enjoy the show."

Interesting. It was enlightened self-interest, sure, but if it kept them better behaved than the average male? Cordelia wasn't going to complain. Turning her attention back to Aayla, Cordelia took a sip of her drink before tilting her head to the side curiously. "So, what had you all riled up before you got distracted by my incredibly gorgeous body?"

"This… Valkyrie Project… of yours." Making her way over to lean on the counter next to Cordelia, Aayla scrolled through the information on her datapad. "Do you actually expect the High Council to allow a knight to remain under the command of a padawan? That's just the objection that affects me personally; there are several other major flaws with your plan. There's no way that you'll get away with trying to appropriate two more Jedi for your plan, much less seven. They're going to go insane when they find out that I'm not lying about your personal clone squads. And I have no idea how you intend to get your hands on a Dathomirian but it sounds like a terrible idea. The entire planet is interdicted for a reason."

Cordelia rolled her eyes as she took the datapad from Aayla. "Well considering that the High Council has already agreed to it… argued with me a bunch, sure, but eventually agreed to it? Yes, I expect you to be allowed to stay with me. Perk of operating with the chancellor's backing: you get away with a lot of shit. The only real question here is whether you'll agree to stay with me or if you're going to fight this. Not that it'll work, but you can try if you really want to."

Sighing, Aayla reached up and stole Cordelia's cup from her, taking an experimental sip before making an approving noise and drinking more. "I'll stay. If for no other reason than to be in position to say 'I told you so' when this all blows up in your face. Seriously, Cordelia, you want to recruit a witch?"

"It makes sense if you know as much as I do." Cordelia sent a longing look at her mug, only to raise her hands in surrender as Aayla bared her teeth. Fine, she'd make another cup for herself. Damn. Hopping down off the counter, she dug out a clean mug and began assembling the necessary ingredients to feed to the multiprocessor. "After all, Count Dooku has Asajj Ventress. Why shouldn't we get a witch of our own? Fight fire with fire."

"Because adding more fire to an existing fire just makes a bigger fire?"

While technically that was true… meh. She was still gonna do it.


	15. Not Easy Being Green

Joe's Note: One thing that I needed to take into account when shifting back to the Legends version of Barriss as opposed to the _Clone Wars_ CGI version was that she actually played a halfway important role in the series as Ahsoka's friend… even before we get into that nastiness in the fifth season. But since the CGI Barriss was in essence Barriss In Name Only compared to what we'd received in the comics and books, I realized that there was an elegant solution to the problem: Luminara Unduli would likely have taken another padawan after Barriss, and since Mirialans only train other Mirialans… a very gentle nudge could transform the CGI BINO into that theoretical padawan who came after Barriss. And so here we are. Enjoy.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, MJ, Christopher, Daniel, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Janne, DireSquirrel, Joseph, Jason, mpop, Riley, bloodylord, Luke, Crusifikz70, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Timothy, Leigh, Chris, George, Koby, Dimitria, William, Ken, Warren, Paul, Pat, Joel, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Ahsoka Tano came awake with a gasp, looking around wildly. The last thing she remembered was being on the bridge of medical frigate _TB-73_ as they approached Ord Cestus at far too high a rate of speed. Then nothingness… a fleeting glimpse of the absolute last person she'd expected to see… more nothingness… and now she was in what looked like an infirmary? After a few seconds, Ahsoka managed to master her emotions and the adrenaline bled off, allowing her to relax back against her bed as she took stock of her surroundings.

After her recent mission to the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center, Ahsoka was passingly familiar with the layout of _Haven_ -class medical stations and so now that she was calmer, she quickly realized that she'd been assigned to one of the station's smaller, secondary medical bays used to treat injured Jedi and GAR officers. Which meant that either the tugs had managed to keep the _TB-73_ from plowing into the station… or she'd managed to destroy a medcenter critical to the war effort but they'd been nice enough to evacuate her to the next nearest facility for treatment anyway. And while the former was more likely, she couldn't dismiss the latter as a possibility because she was pretty sure that the second bed down from her contained one of the mysterious Green Jedi.

It was the bed between hers and the potential Green Jedi that grabbed Ahsoka's attention, though. Sliding out of bed, she padded over to stare down at the peacefully sleeping face of Leena Hark. After their adventures together on Geonosis destroying Poggle the Lesser's primary droid foundry, the Togruta had become remarkably fond of her fellow padawan and so the idea of her hurting distressed Ahsoka greatly. Thankfully, Leena looked… good. Granted the Mirialan hadn't looked any different when possessed by the brain worms, but Ahsoka had managed to solve that particular problem about the ship. Given that she'd had to rupture the coolant system to do so, though, she'd been worried that Leena would suffer side effects from either the bitter cold, the multiple blasts of coolant chemicals she'd taken straight to the face, or both. Not to mention that-

"Psst. Ahsoka. Wait until she wakes up before you do that. Staring into a girl's eyes can be romantic under the right circumstances. Watching her sleep, on the other hand? Pretty much always creepy." Ahsoka rolled her eyes before looking up to find Cordelia leaning against the wall just inside the door, with Master Unduli's former padawan standing beside her. "The Valkyries and I were in the Ojoster sector running an errand for the supreme chancellor when your mission went sideways. Barriss wanted to come make sure her replacement was okay, and I agreed since it'll give me an excuse to swing through the Quelli sector on the way back to Wayland. For reasons that are most definitely not visiting Dathomir to drop off a shit ton of Prowler droids, I assure you."

Ahsoka frowned as Cordelia swept forward, circling around Leena's supine form and gently nudging the Togruta out of the way as Knight Offee moved in to check on Leena. "Dathomir? Why does that sound… wait. That's the planet where the _Chu'unthor_ crashed. The one with all the Dark Side witches on it. Hasn't it been interdicted since 195 BrS?"

"It is. Now that she's working directly under the supreme chancellor, however, Cordelia is convinced that the rules no longer apply to her." Knight Offee shot an exasperated look over at Cordelia before returning her attention to the scanner she was running up and down Leena's body. "On the other hand, she had a girlfriend, her own living quarters, and a unique wardrobe before that point… so I'm not entirely sure they've ever applied to her. And Ahsoka, since I can feel your curiosity from here, Leena is doing fine. I guided both of you into healing trances when you arrived; you woke up first because you just had to shake off the effects of hypothermia. Her body was a bit worse off for obvious reasons, but she should awaken in the next eight to twelve hours at the latest."

Thank the Maker. Ahsoka shot Knight Offee an appreciative look before peering up at Cordelia contemplatively. While Master Skywalker wasn't a bad master per se, he had very obvious shortcomings that Ahsoka was in no way blind to. Dealing with attachment was one of them; he was a very firm proponent of 'do as I say, not as I do' and that was the brusque end of most any conversation Ahsoka attempted to have on the subject. On the other hand, Cordelia was loud, obnoxious, openly feuded with Ahsoka's master, broke rules with alarming frequency… and was quite open about how much she loved her girlfriend. If Jedi were supposed to shun attachments because they could lead to the Dark Side, how was Cordelia capable of maintaining her relationship while avoiding that fate? And would she be any more open about the matter than Master Skywalker was?

There was only one way to find out. Making her way back over to her bed, Ahsoka hopped up to sit on the edge and then waited for Cordelia to meet her gaze before gesturing to a spot on the bed next to her. That earned her a raised eyebrow but the brunette acquiesced to her request, making her way over to sit next to Ahsoka. "Sup, kiddo?"

"When we were on the ship, Leena managed to fight her way back into control at one point." Ahsoka glanced down at her hands for a few seconds before looking back up to find Cordelia staring at her knowingly. "She wanted me to kill her. She told me…"

Cordelia reached over, covering one of Ahsoka's small hands with her own. "Let me guess. She told you to kill her but you couldn't do it, and so now you feel like a terrible Jedi because you couldn't kill your friend?"

Not exactly the way that Ahsoka would have phrased it, but in essence? "Yes. I mean, everything worked out in the end but what if we'd failed? If the ship had docked, and the brain worms spread, and-"

"What if you'd been born a boy? What if you'd been born blue? Do they even make blue Togruta? Whatever. Not the point." Cordelia waved her hand dismissively before gesturing to where Knight Offee was adjusting some of the equipment that watched over the unconscious padawan. "My actual point is that no amount of 'what if' can possibly ever change 'what is'. Sure, terrible shit could have happened. But it didn't. In the heat of the moment, you followed your instincts and made what you thought was the right decision. Leena is alive because of the choice you made and so I'm pretty sure that when she wakes up, she'll agree that you made the right choice."

"But I made that choice because-"

"What do you fight for, Ahsoka? And don't give me the party line here about truth, justice, and the Republican way. That's what the Jedi Order as an organization fights for. But what do you… you personally, I mean… fight for? Why do you fight?" Reaching into her pocket, Cordelia pulled out an Imagecaster and turned it on to display a hologram of Hiskari and Cordelia dueling. The pair watched in silence as it looped several times, and then Cordelia shut it off before using the disc to gesture to Leena again. "You made the choice that you did because you've gotten attached to Leena in the last few days, and attachment is bad, and you're going to turn evil because you have a friend, and blah blah blah. But let me ask you this: if you don't have attachments… if you don't have something to fight for… then why are you fighting?"

"Because it's the right thing to do?"

"According to who? To us, the Separatists are the villains because they're trying to tear the Republic in half. To them, we're the villains because we won't let them leave."

To be honest, Ahsoka had never really thought about things that way. Never stopped to consider how the other side might view the war. Quite possibly because until she was assigned to Master Skywalker, she'd literally never met someone who wasn't either a Jedi themselves or somehow connected to the Order? But when Cordelia put it that way, suddenly Ahsoka found herself having a much harder time answering the brunette's question. "…so what, are you saying that I'm supposed to fight for Leena?"

Cordelia shrugged before tucking the Imagecaster back into her robes. "Leena in particular? No. I mean, unless you reach a point where you want to fight for Leena specifically. You just met her, though, so I'd be a little weirded out if she was your Hiskari already. Me? I obviously have Hiskari… but I also have Aayla, Barriss, and a few friends back on Coruscant. Are they attachments? Yes. Definitely. Indisputably. Is that against the Jedi Code? You bet your cute orange ass it is. But this war, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. As a Jedi, you're going to be called upon to do some ugly and repugnant shit in the name of the Republic. Shit that'll scar you if you let it. Yoda, Mace, the other members of the High Council… maybe they don't need it. Personally? I find that having someone to hold up and tell myself 'this is why I just did that thing that I did' makes it a lot easier to look at myself in the mirror afterward."

With that, the brunette rose to her feet and walked away, leaving Ahsoka with a lot to think about.

* * *

Cordelia grinned wickedly as she made her way over to stand behind Barriss. She'd actually had the conviction to put herself out there for Hiskari - and Hiskari for her - while Anakin ran around in the shadows with his wife like a little bitch. It would serve him right if her little pep talk caused his padawan to develop a perfectly healthy attachment to someone in the coming months or years. And as the leading contender for that position… _'How's your Mini-Me actually doing?'_

 _'If I hadn't seen her around the Temple since she was a youngling, I would be a little suspicious of how similar we look. 'Mini-Me' indeed.'_ Barriss looked up at Cordelia, shook her head, and then returned her attention to the girl's chart long enough to make one last note before powering down the datapad and storing it in the holder attached to the end of the bed. _'And I wasn't trying to sugarcoat things for Ahsoka. Leena will be fine. Her body just had a bit more damage to repair than Ahsoka's because of the brain worm, and so she hasn't woken up yet. Speaking of waking up, though, that Green Jedi has been listening to us since we arrived.'_

Narrowing her eyes, Cordelia looked over at the medical bay's third patient before drawing her DC-17. _'Is that so?'_ Making a placating gesture at the decidedly alarmed Barriss, Cordelia made her way over to where the girl was stretched out on a bed, sparing a moment to admire the blonde's green brocade dress before raising her pistol into the air and dropping it. The 'heavy' blaster pistol lived up to its name, landing on the girl's stomach and eliciting a grunt of pain. "Exactly twenty-four Corellian Jedi left wandering the galaxy since your Council invoked _Contemplanys Hermi_ , and one of them happens to be on Ord Cestus at the same time as me. What are the odds?"

"I see that you've never met a Corellian before. To us, beating the odds is always a reward in itself." The air in the corner of the room rippled as a green-robed man appeared out of nowhere, making Cordelia whistle appreciatively at his ingenuity. Despite the prohibition against attachments and material possessions, many Jedi tended to bond with a particular astromech the same way that snubfighter pilots did. Accordingly, nobody had thought it strange that a white and green R2 unit had settled in on the right side of the bed… conveniently leaving a few square feet of otherwise inaccessible space between itself and the walls. Clever droid. Pushing off the wall, the man reached up to lower his hood and then offered Cordelia a friendly smile. "Nejaa Halcyon, of Corellia as you may have guessed. This is my padawan, Trinna A'Daasha."

Cordelia held her hand out over Trinna's stomach and summoned her blaster, tucking it back into its holster as she offered Nejaa a level stare. "Cordelia Chase. Of being glad that I have two lightsabers because it means I can shove one up your ass and still have one left to defend myself." Trinna let out a choked laugh that she did her best to muffle as Nejaa shot a baleful look down at his padawan, and Cordelia detached her right hand lightsaber so that she could wave it for emphasis. "Seriously, I get that the Corellian Jedi Council is curious about me. Really, I do. I'm pretty fucking awesome if I do say so myself. But just out of curiosity, did it ever occur to you to reach out and try to schedule an appointment with me? It seems a lot easier than having your padawan pretend to be injured and take up a valuable bed in a front line medcenter. A fuck ton less gross of you, too."

Based on the sheepish look that graced Nejaa's face in response, Cordelia was fairly certain the answer to that question was a resounding 'no'. God. Every time she managed to forget that common sense wasn't terribly common among her fellow Jedi, one of them pulled shit like this to remind her. Nejaa rapped his knuckles against the astromech's dome to bring it out of standby before leaning down a bit. "Whistler, can you make a note that in the future, Padawan Chase would prefer to be contacted directly?" The droid made a rude sounding noise before extending its third wheel, backing into Nejaa's legs rather roughly, and then finally rolling off around the corner and out of the room. "One of these days, I really ought to memory wipe that droid."

"Maybe next time you visit Corellia, you can ask your son to do it." Cordelia shot Nejaa a smug look as his jaw dropped before reaching up to tap her lightsaber's emitter against her temple. "What, did you think the supreme chancellor picked me for my looks? Not that they're not outstanding, but… no. With how many waves I'm making, I figured that your Council would start sniffing around at some point. They probably figure that the High Council is withholding information, right? Spoiler alert: they're not, I'm just keeping Yoda and the others in the dark. Anyway, I figured that you would be the one that your Council would trust with this mission and so I had Republic Intelligence start digging up dirt on you. A wife, that's not too hard to keep quiet. But the fact that you've managed to hide a secret, Force-using son for the last twenty years… now that is impressive."

Drawing himself up to full height, Nejaa did his level best to stare at Cordelia impassively… although his true feelings were betrayed by the faint twitch in his right eye. "It would appear that you have me at a significant disadvantage, Padawan Chase."

Cordelia shrugged unapologetically; she was a firm believer of not showing up to a knife fight unarmed. If possible, she preferred to bring a blaster. "I've made a career out of blackmailing the High Council into letting me do what I want. Did you honestly think that I'd treat you any differently?"

"Fair enough."


	16. Nice Hair

Joe's Note: As of when I wrote this, _ACFFA_ had sixty-nine reviews on this site. Because I am a giant immature man-child, I choose to snicker at that fact for quite some time. Moving on, we're now entering the chapters that cover the group's interaction during the Season 2 Mandalorian arc. Given Cordelia's ties to Palpatine's government, she's an obvious choice to make the visit to Mandalore to address the secession rumors and the appearance of Mandalorian commandos… alongside Obi-Wan, who has his personal connection to the duchess. This ought to be interesting, eh?  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Cordelia found herself looking around admiringly as she entered the Sundari Royal Palace, trailing a few feet behind Obi-Wan and Dien'vi as she took in her surroundings. While their taste in armor was a bit lacking, Mandalorian architecture was amazing. Particularly the glasswork; it wasn't quite stained glass in the classical Earth sense but it was still beautiful. As soon as she found the right apartment for her and Hiskari on Coruscant, she was so going to hire some Mandalorians to oversee the renovation. Then she caught sight of the odd, square bushes that framed each doorway and abruptly found herself reconsidering that idea. Okay, they'd get to oversee very specific parts of the renovation under the watchful eye of a general contractor…

"General Kenobi!"

"Thank you for meeting with me, Prime Minister Almec."

Cordelia found herself tuning out the back and forth banter between Obi-Wan and the older gentleman who had arrived to greet them. She didn't need to listen to know exactly how the conversation would go: endless jabs and ripostes as the Mandalorian tried to brush off the issue at hand and Obi-Wan reasserted the necessity of his visit while trying to remain polite because that was how politics worked. The real action - so to speak, given that they were on a diplomatic mission - wouldn't start until the duchess finally showed up, which probably wouldn't be until after two or three more underlings took their turns poking at Obi-Wan. The whole affair was made even more boring by the fact that she already knew everything about it… more than any other one person involved.

The whole thing was yet another one of Palpatine's absurdly elaborate plans starting to bear fruit. For some reason, he had been planning to pit the different factions of Mandalorians against each other, eventually drawing the Confederacy and the Republic to Mandalore to create a pincer that would ultimately shatter an already faltering people. The whole thing made absolutely no sense to Cordelia and she'd told him as much: the Mandalorians of the past were some of the most competent warriors the galaxy had ever seen, able to wage war on even the Jedi. Why the hell didn't he want people like that around when the Yuuzhan Vong arrived? Sure, the current government's pacifistic stance was problematic to their end goal, but if the duchess couldn't be swayed to a less peaceful point of view? She could be quietly replaced. There was absolutely no need to spark a civil war, much less one that culminated in invasions by not one but two powerful outside forces.

Unfortunately, by the the time Cordelia had found out what was going on and begun interfering, too many pieces were already in motion. Dooku had opened negotiations with the Death Watch, their commandos had struck at Republic ships, rumors and incriminating information about the duchess were being disseminated to set the stage for a Republic invasion of Mandalore… the plan couldn't simply be discarded. But that didn't mean that Cordelia had to allow the whole convoluted mess to come to fruition, hence her decision to become personally involved. Except none of her ideas could be enacted without access to the duchess, Concordia, or both. For the time being, she was stuck. And so given that all she could do was hurry up and wait, Cordelia found herself turning to Hiskari, nudging her gently before nodding in the direction of a particularly beautiful window. "What would you think of something like that for two walls of a permanent tank? So you could look out at Coruscant while you swam?"

Nibbling her lower lip uncertainly, Hiskari looked back and forth between the window and Cordelia before finally offering a faint shrug. "It would certainly be a step up compared to the view from the two tanks I have now, but I'm pretty sure that even if the Temple did have quarters that actually touched any of the exterior walls? The High Council would get really mad if you tried to tear a hole in the wall and replace it with glass."

After spending a few seconds pondering whether or not her pull via the supreme chancellor might actually allow her to get away with something like that - she was pretty sure that it would, but equally sure that it would be a waste of good political capital - Cordelia chuckled and shook her head. "I was thinking that we should get our own place, maybe in the Entertainment District? My first thought was obviously CoCo Town but the real estate market is probably better in a less glitzy area. I'd rather have more apartment than an apartment somewhere famous. But we're going to need to keep our witch somewhere when we're not on missions, and they're sure not going to let us bring her back to the Temple. Why not get a place for ourselves?"

Opening her mouth to reply, Hiskari was cut off as Duchess Satine Kryze came breezing into the throne room, far sooner than Cordelia would have expected. "Well, Master Kenobi. My shining Jedi Knight, to the rescue once again." As the duchess made her way over to the very pretty throne that incorporated more traditional - at least from her perspective - stained glass, Cordelia sidled up on Obi-Wan's left, eyeing him appraisingly. While there had been enough dry sarcasm in her statement to make Cordelia proud, Satine quite obviously harbored some sort of affection for Obi-Wan. This could get interesting…

Obi-Wan offered the Mandalorian a faint smile as she rather primly settled herself atop her throne, before offering the absolute last response that Cordelia expected. "After all these years, you're even more beautiful than ever." And this was why Cordelia was an ardent believer in the necessity of adding a 'gossip' section to every mission briefing packet. Nothing she had read to prepare for her visit to Mandalore had mentioned there being something between Obi-Wan and the duchess, and yet here they were. Also, Obi-Wan could actually be pretty damn smooth when it suited him. Cordelia could hardly believe it. What next, Anakin proving himself capable of restraint and common sense?

"Kind words from a man who accuses me of treachery." The duchess's words evoked the requisite round of gasps from the assembled Mandalorians, but Cordelia just rolled her eyes in annoyance. So evidently unnecessary political theater would be the order of the entire day. Outstanding. Also, in addition to executing her plan to save Mandalore from Palpatine's machinations, she needed to make a point of getting the duchess alone at some point so that she could rehash her first conversation with Padmé. Satine was a beautiful woman, but her stylist deserved to be shot for what he or she was doing to the poor woman's hair.

Wincing faintly at the barb, Obi-Wan quickly recovered and raised his hands in surrender, offering the duchess a reassuring smile. "I would never accuse you of personal wrongdoing, Duchess. However, a Separatist saboteur attacked one of our Republic cruisers. A Mandalorian saboteur." Out came the man's trusty Imagecaster, whirring to life as it generated a short video loop of a man in the distinctive armor of a Mandalorian as he ran down the hallway of a _Venator_ -class destroyer, firing rapidly even as he dodged return fire from several different sources with almost Jedi-like grace.

Cordelia watched as Satine sagged back against her throne, eyes wide in shock as the hologram played a second time and then a third. Evidently Palpatine had been right: the woman really was oblivious to what was going on under her nose on Mandalore, to say nothing of Concordia. That… might actually make her 'sway Satine' idea even easier to execute, Cordelia realized. If she honestly thought that the Death Watch was a simple grassroots terrorist organization, discovering how wrong she was - and that the group's power was only growing thanks to the Separatists - might be enough to shake her resolve. Satine was an idealist, that was for certain… but was she dedicated enough to her pacifistic ideals to lose her position and watch her people plunge themselves into war?

Finally, inevitably, the debate wound itself down as they broke for a temporary recess, the duchess fairly demanding that Obi-Wan accompany her on a walk through Sundari. As the seemingly mismatched but strangely cute pair wandered off arm in arm, Cordelia shot a smirk at their retreating backs - their closeness would make her job harder but she couldn't be mad about the fodder for teasing that they were giving her - before making her way over to Hiskari and Aayla. Gesturing for the abandoned and thoroughly awkward-looking Dien'vi to join them, Cordelia reached out and linked all their minds before nodding in the direction of the throne. _'Twenty credits says the duchess's incredibly defensive aide is evil.'_

 _'I believe that I shall pass; I have not yet lost a bet to you and have no desire to do so now.'_

 _'I'll take that-'_

 _'You've already sensed something incriminating from him, haven't you?'_

Scowling, Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest as she glared at Aayla, the Rutian Twi'lek offering her a cheeky little smile in response. Actually, she knew that he was a member of the Death Watch thanks to the information that Palpatine had fed her, but since she couldn't openly admit as much? _'…wow, you just live to ruin my fun these days, don't you? It's like being teamed up with a blue Obi-Wan with amazing breasts…'_

* * *

As their quintet of borrowed swoops drifted to a stop outside an entrance to the mining facility that Obi-Wan was investigating, Cordelia gracefully dismounted before lunging forward and grabbing Satine's bicep, stalling the duchess's headlong rush toward the nearby doors. "With all due respect, Your Highness… which isn't very much, considering you were prepared to run off on your own to rescue Obi-Wan? You should stay behind us. The last thing anyone needs is you getting yourself killed trying to rescue your boyfriend."

Yet again, she found herself in the unenviable position of having to bail out one of the shining stars of the wartime Order. Not that she'd minded his and Satine's mutual decision to venture to Concordia in the wake of the Death Watch attack; that worked into Cordelia's plans nicely. But how could she hunt down and eliminate key Death Watch leaders - or spend time gaining Satine's confidence in preparation for trying to sway the duchess to her point of view - if she was stuck having to bail Obi-Wan out of trouble? Tilting her head back, the brunette grinned as moonlight glinted off the hull of the _Tethys_ , the ship's guns already exposed and ready for action. All they had to do was flush the Death Watch out into the open, and the poor bastards would disappear faster than credits around a Twi'lek dancing girl…

"For the last time, Obi-Wan is not my… oh, never mind." Huffing indignantly, Satine crossed her arms over her chest as Aayla and Dien'vi brushed past her, falling in behind the massive Yiwaahn Vong as Aayla took the lead. Hiskari and Cordelia exchanged smug grins before bringing up the rear, leaving the duchess safely ensconced between four Jedi as they entered the mine. "I mean this in the most polite way possible, Padawan Chase… you are quite possibly the most irritating Jedi that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

Aayla let out a soft chuckle at that, raising her hand to bring the group to a brief halt as her eyes scanned the hallway ahead of them before motioning for them to follow her onward. "You should try living with her, Duchess. I woke up the other morning to find that she'd recycled what few clothes I owned and replaced them with new outfits that she bought me to wear."

"You needed a wardrobe upgrade."

"I liked my old clothes, thank you very much."

"That's Sullustan leather you're wearing. Do you know how much that cost me?"

"What makes you think that I care?"

"If you all could at least pretend to be taking this seriously, I would really appreciate it." Raising her left arm, Satine consulted the tracking device that had brought them this far before reaching up to tap at the comlink nestled in her ear. "Where exactly are you?" Whatever Obi-Wan's response was, it made the duchess roll her eyes before pointing onward down the hall… for nobody's benefit. Neither Aayla nor Dien'vi even saw the gesture, while Cordelia and Hiskari were quite aware that Obi-Wan was in that direction. Which was why Aayla was leading them there. Then again, Cordelia conceded, Satine was a politician. She was probably used to having to spell out everything for the sake of the idiots around her.

As they continued deeper into the mine complex behind Aayla, Cordelia found herself shaking her head before reaching out to grab Satine by the bicep once more as the duchess stopped to try and tinker with a control panel. "There's four of us and one of us is blasterproof. Not only do we not need a distraction to pull this off, we don't need you giving away the element of surprise." Her prediction was borne out as they entered a large room full of equipment that was far too active for an 'abandoned' mine, Dien'vi surging past Aayla and soaking up fire from a pair of Mandalorians long enough to close into melee range. The first went down after taking a punch that cracked his helmet - either they didn't make _beskar'gam_ the way they used to or the Yiwaahn Vong was even stronger than Cordelia thought - while the second managed to get off a few more shots before being backhanded into the nearby wall. Based on the cracking noises he made on impact, Cordelia doubted he'd be getting up any time soon… if he ever got back up at all.

Satine didn't say a word but managed to look incredibly disapproving as she bustled past toward the controls for the device that was holding Obi-Wan suspended upside down in some sort of energy field. Trusting the duchess to handle things, Cordelia contented herself with trotting along beside Obi-Wan as he moved down the belt toward his potential doom. "So. It feels like a good night to just stay inside and hang out, am I right?"

"I'm really starting to understand why Anakin loathes you so, Cordelia." Turning his head as best he could within the field, Obi-Wan shot her an irritated look before turning his attention back to where Satine was climbing up the ladder to the control panel. "Well, it certainly took you long enough."

"You know, I haven't saved you yet."

"Yes, no need to remind me of that."

"Be patient."

"I happen to be a bit short on patience right now." Oh my God. It was like dealing with Buffy and Giles all over again. People thought she was the bitchiest Jedi in the Order, Cordelia thought with a snort, but Obi-Wan in peril put her perfect ass to shame. Like he was even still in peril at this point; even if Satine couldn't figure out how to stop the machine, Cordelia had two perfectly good lightsabers ready and waiting to carve it up before it smashed him into a grumpy bearded paste. "Satine! Turn the machine off!"

"I'm trying!"

"Satine!" Just as Cordelia drew her lightsabers and prepared to ignite them, Satine gave a triumphant cry and stabbed her finger down at the console. The two halves of the crusher slid inward… and then stopped just far enough apart for Obi-Wan to pass through unmolested. After watching him trundle onward for a few more feet, Cordelia realized that the machine wasn't going to release him and ignited one blade, throwing it like a spear so that the blade impaled the top emitter. It died in a shower of sparks, sending the captive Jedi spilling to the floor as Cordelia used the Force to pull her lightsaber back to her hand. "…did you have to cut things so close?"

As Dien'vi made her way over to help her master up off the floor, Satine let out an annoyed huff and slid down the ladder to the floor. Rather than checking on her not-boyfriend, as Cordelia would have expected, she turned on her heel and stalked off toward the turbolift waiting nearby. "You know, for a group sworn to peace, you take an unseemly pleasure in the injuries of others."

The corner of Cordelia's mouth quirked upward at that as she extinguished her active lightsaber and then returned both to her belt. "Lady, you have no idea."


	17. Choke a Bitch

Joe's Note: I was debating making this a three-parter but a lot of what goes on in the second and third episodes of the arc focuses on Obi-Wan and Satine and… there's really not a way you can shoehorn another character into that unless you're doing an OT3 story or something. Which I'm most emphatically not; Cordelia may be pansexual but she does have standards. Satine might possibly meet said standards, but I think we can all agree that Obi-Wan most certainly does not…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"This is Merrik. Stand by to disengage. Say farewell, Duchess."

"Obi-Wan, it looks like I may never see you again. I don't know quite how to say this, but… I've loved you. From the moment you came to my aid all those years ago."

"I don't believe this."

To be fair, Cordelia couldn't believe it either. It was like something out of one of those terrible soap operas that she'd occasionally caught while home sick from school. The Dying Declaration of Love was one of the oldest dramatic tropes in the book, and considering that she was standing by to save her if Obi-Wan couldn't pull things off himself? Satine was probably going to feel very, very stupid in a minute or two. Obi-Wan seemed to agree. "Satine, this is hardly the time or place for…" He trailed off, lowering his eyes as he looked away from Satine and her captor. Presumably some sort of very intense eye contact had ensued between the Jedi and his not-girlfriend; hidden in the shadows behind Satine and Merrik, Cordelia was missing all sorts of things. "All right. Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order."

Wow. Um, make that two people who were going to feel really stupid in the near future. Possibly three, if Merrik lived through having his cunning, cunning plan blow up in his face. Probably just two, though, given how many bodies Cordelia and her Valkyries tended to leave in their wake. And really, would anyone miss- "That is touching. Truly, it is. But it's making me sick, and we really must be going."

If someone had asked Cordelia to predict how their voyage from Mandalore to Coruscant would go… she could honestly say that she never would have predicted something like this. Sure, she'd known Merrik was evil thanks to the information that Palpatine had passed her, but assassin probes? Taking the duchess hostage? Having battle droids board the _Coronet_? It was a level of stupid that surpassed even Xander at his worst. If Merrik blew them all to bits the way he was bragging he would, he'd create a powerful martyr in Satine and ensure that the Death Watch would be reviled on Mandalore for decades to come. If he killed Satine but the rest of them survived? The Separatist connection to the Death Watch would be revealed to the world, prompting the Republic to invade… Concordia to ensure the safety of Mandalore. And whoever succeeded Satine would likely allow it, since it would remove a major threat to their power with absolutely no loss of Mandalorian life.

Wait. Hmm. Could she maybe then… no. Letting Satine die so the latter would come to pass would be wrong and besides, Cordelia was actually starting to like the woman.

Parts of her.

Definitely not her hair.

"You have the romantic soul of a slug, Merrik!" Satine glared up at her captor before tensing and then bringing her heel down on his foot hard. As Merrik howled and stumbled away from the blonde, Satine yanked the heavy blaster pistol out of the holster on his hip, raising it threateningly as she put a bit more distance between them. "And slugs are so often trod upon!" Okay, not a terrible way to tie things back to her initial comment but still almost painfully weak as far as witty quips went. Between that and the frequently awful aesthetic, Cordelia had her work cut out for her going forward.

For some reason, Merrik didn't seem terribly upset at the fact that he was being held at both blade and blasterpoint. Drawing himself up to his full height, the man raised his left hand to draw their attention to the remote detonator that he was still holding. "Interesting turnabout, but even if I do not deliver the duchess alive to the Separatists, I still win." His attention drifted back and forth, shooting the same maniacal grin at first Satine, then at Obi-Wan, and then back to Satine as he continued. "The second I'm away, I'll hit the remote and blow the _Coronet_ to bits." As far as plans went, it was nigh worthless against any two average people. Against Satine and Obi-Wan, though…

"I will not allow that!"

"What will you do?" Merrik's grin widened as he met the duchess's eyes, holding her gaze as he slowly leaned closer and closer to the barrel of Satine's shaking blaster pistol. "If you shoot me, you prove yourself a hypocrite to every pacifist ideal you hold dear." Their eyes remained locked for a few more seconds and then Merrik was pulling away, turning to take a step closer to Obi-Wan's ignited lightsaber. "And you, Kenobi. You are no stranger to violence; you'd be hailed as a hero by everyone on the ship." Bringing his hands up to his mouth, Merrik let out a gasp followed by an insane little laugh, slowly turning his head to look back over at Satine. "…almost everyone." Oh Jesus Christ, he really was that hung up on Satine, wasn't he? Sure enough, both Satine's blaster and Obi-Wan's blade dipped a bit as Merrik took a step backward and spread his arms wide in challenge. "Come on, then. Who will strike first and brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?"

Ooh! She knew the answer to that question! Allowing herself to sink into the Force, Cordelia stepped out of the shadows and held out her left hand. The remote detonator was torn from Merrik's grip, spiraling through the air until it slapped against her palm. Fingers curling around the stubby cylinder as she pulled her hand back, Cordelia smirked as he turned to face her, giving him a few seconds to appreciate how truly fucked he was. Then she struck, twisting her hips before thrusting her right hand toward him, making a grasping gesture as a mnemonic as she lashed out with the Force as Palpatine had taught her. Or rather, in a way similar to what he had taught her; she was curious if Barriss was right about the nature of the Force and she doubted she'd get another chance any time soon to try this particular experiment.

There was no hate, no anger, no desire to cause pain and death. Just a simple recognition of what needed to be done, combined with a desire to protect the passengers of the _Coronet_ from Merrik's scheme. It was essentially a lie, given that Cordelia had already disarmed him and could easily take him into custody, but she'd become quite adept at believing the lies she told herself. It made being a popular girl in high school so much easier. And evidently believing in a lie was good enough, because Merrik's hands flew to his throat as he let out a surprised gasp. Cordelia ignored Obi-Wan's shouted protests as she kept her attention on Merrik, closing the distance between them as she tightened her telekinetic grip, choking him harder before slowly lifting him into the air.

But as the second dragged by, Merrik's eyes getting wider and wider as his face began to slowly change colors, Cordelia found herself realizing that she really did not have it in her to do something like this. Oh, choking as a way to encourage compliance? She was down with that. Usually on the receiving end, as Hiskari was quite aware. But choking someone to death? It was obnoxiously slow, it left her incredibly vulnerable because of how much focus it required on her part, the noises he was making were probably going to give her nightmares… what was the point? And so she swung her arm wildly to the side, slamming him into the wall beside Satine with bone-cracking force before releasing him to crumple to the deck.

Closing her eyes, Cordelia took a few seconds to slow her breathing and gather her thoughts even as Satine let out a choked gasp, followed closely by the sound of her stolen blaster clattering to the floor. Her experiment had been a rousing success, Cordelia decided; chances were slim that she'd ever be called upon to choke someone to death and she now knew that if she had to act the part of Darth Someone after Dooku bit it and she got promoted, she could do so without drawing on the dark side. Nice. Maybe she could try her hand at throwing some light side Force lightning around later? Slowly reopening her eyes, Cordelia arched a brow imperiously in response to the horrified look Obi-Wan was sending her way. "You're welcome."

Obi-Wan's mouth worked soundlessly as he extinguished his lightsaber, his arm dropping to hang limply at his side. "I'm welcome? Cordelia, you just-"

"Saved the day?" Cordelia glanced down at Merrik's fallen form as an excuse to evade Obi-Wan's accusing stare before sniffing and turning on her heel, only to come up short at the sight of Anakin standing a few yards down the hallway with an uncertain but decidedly unfriendly expression on his face. Him, she didn't mind as much because… well, fuck him. Using her body to mask the gesture, she flipped him off with her right hand before turning and offering a parting comment to Obi-Wan. "I came out to save your girlfriend, and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now…"

* * *

"You were reckless, my… young… apprentice." Trailing off, Palpatine raised an eyebrow at the sight of a distinctly unimpressed Cordelia standing just inside his office doors with one arm around Hiskari's waist. "A worryingly frequent trend as of late, it appears."

Cordelia rolled her eyes before guiding Hiskari deeper into the chancellor's office, making her way over to her favorite seat and flopping down in it before dragging her girlfriend down onto her lap. "Oh please, we're a pair of nominal Jedi who have excessive amounts of sex, some of which is very kinky and includes the use of the Force. With how much time she spends three fingers deep inside my… mind… do you really think I have a single secret from Hiskari?"

Rather than reply, Palpatine took his seat across from them and eyed Hiskari inquisitively. "Mmm. And what do you have to say about who your paramour has chosen to ally herself with, young Jedi?"

"Not exactly thrilled, to be honest… but I'm hardly a model Jedi these days as it is. She's explained her reasons. Explained your plans. Explained what's coming. Having sparred with Dien'vi? I've decided that you two might be onto something. Not the elimination of the Jedi; I think that's a terrible idea, although I'm obviously a bit biased there. But… the galaxy as it stands wouldn't survive the population of Dien'vi's homeworld sweeping across it to say nothing of an entire civilization invading. Something needs to change if we're going to survive." Hiskari let that hang in the air for a few seconds before offering a faint smirk and making a flicking motion with her right hand. "I'd appreciate it if you could keep the Force lightning away from me, though. Cordelia prefers sushi to grilled fish."

The girls exchanged grins at that even as Palpatine looked profoundly confused, not that Cordelia expected otherwise. While the galaxy that she now called home had at least as many ways to serve raw fish as it did sapient species, not one of those species had come up with something quite like sushi. Cordelia was hanging onto that secret weapon for the day that she needed to make an exceptionally large purchase, like her own star cruiser or something. "In other words, she's not going to rat us out or try to kill you in the name of the Jedi or anything. If it's really bothering you, we can hash shit out later. Later as in not right this second, although it should be sooner rather than later in the grand scheme of things considering that I'm intending to tell the rest of the Valkyries at some point. Moving on, though… I'm possibly reckless but probably brilliant. I assume you're referring to the whole Force choke aboard the _Coronet_ incident?" Palpatine nodded and Cordelia's grin widened. "That was the exact opposite of being reckless. That was me creating an alibi for any time I slip and use something that you teach me."

Various emotions cycled across Palpatine's face, eventually settling on an almost bemused disbelief. "The creativity of your excuses never fails to amuse me. Very well, you may attempt to explain yourself."

"Barriss Offee. Mirialan, recently knighted, healing prodigy, Potentium advocate… if you don't start nodding in comprehension soon, I'm going to be very upset because I spent a lot of time revising your people's file on her before I submitted her as a candidate for the Valkyrie Project?" Cordelia wasn't sure whether the soft 'ah' and nod that followed meant that Palpatine actually remembered who Barriss was or if he was just humoring her, but since she had more important things to do with her day than sit in his office… "It's widely known inside the Temple that her and I are very good friends who spend a decent amount of time together whenever I'm on Coruscant. She likes to go around preaching about how there's no light or dark side of the Force, just the Force and the intent of those that use it. That it doesn't matter how you use the Force so much as why you use the Force. Obi-Wan and Anakin were both there to witness things; when I'm inevitably hauled in front of the High Council, at least Obi-Wan will be honest enough to attest that I didn't touch the dark side the entire time. I managed to execute a light side-fueled Force choke… which is exactly in line with Barriss's beliefs."

Palpatine's expression slowly shifted from disdainful to contemplative as Cordelia laid out her thoughts. By the end, he looked begrudgingly approving. "While it is not what I would have done, you have become quite adept at pointing out why I should not do what I think I best as of late. The Mandalorian intervention, for instance, among several others. Strengthening a controversial faction of the Jedi Order in order to hide your own shift in allegiances is a cunning move, my young apprentice, one that may pay dividends in the future. With that said, I would caution you against displaying any other… concerning… abilities in public for the foreseeable future. Your fiction may prevent you from being condemned for your actions, but it would do little to explain where you are learning these things."

Suitably chastised, Cordelia bowed her head in submission for a few seconds before raising her eyes to meet his. "So, I'm assuming that you're not going to press for the Republic invasion of Mandalore or play the faked message for the Senate… the Death Watch assassins might not be a bad idea. Have you read my new plan for fixing things?"

"…yes." Picking up one of the datapads resting on his desk, Palpatine thumbed it on before turning it to face her. There were exactly two words on the screen: 'Do nothing'. "I believe that it will need a bit of work before we can put it into effect…"

Shrugging, Cordelia reached out with the Force and stole the datapad from his hand, amending her previous thought before floating it back to his hand. "Do nothing… at all. There. Better?" When Palpatine continued to look distinctly unimpressed with her, Cordelia sighed and rolled her eyes. "What? That's basically what I'm going to suggest you do. Have Dooku cut ties with the Death Watch and end his support before it even really begins; considering the Republic was talking about going in themselves, if Vizsla talks it'll surprise exactly nobody. Then we sit back and watch. Either Satine will grow a pair to survive this challenge, leading to the creation of a strong Mandalore that'll be useful when the Yuuzhan Vong arrive… or Vizsla will overthrow her and create a strong Mandalore that'll be equally as useful. Whoever wins, they'll still get absorbed into galactic society as a whole when the war ends and we benefit."

The galaxy would benefit even more if she could actually push Obi-Wan and Satine together, and convince him to found an 'Iron Jedi' on Mandalore in the same vein as Corellia's Green Jedi… but that wasn't relevant to this particular conversation.


	18. Girls' Night In

Joe's Note: I had a lot of fun doing 'Girl Talk' way back in the day, and the addition of Satine to the Expanded Universe - or at least the portion that I was aware of - just made me want to do a sequel. This chapter will also see the return of everyone's favorite Mirialan Jedi Knight, who got a mention last chapter but who hasn't been seen since 'Bright Light! Bright Light!'. From here, we'll make our way to Cartao and then Kamino for two different cloning-related stories, before wrapping up the first chapter of Cordelia's story with a visit to Dathomir. Can't wait. Lots of exciting things coming.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"I'm just saying, two out of the three of us are fucking Jedi and nobody's gone to the Dark Side yet." Pausing, Cordelia thought for a moment before deciding that wasn't as clear as it possibly could have been. "Well, I'm the only fucking Jedi here. Let's go with… two of us are having sex with Jedi. One of us considerably more so than the other but from what I've heard about Anakin, that might not be a bad thing for Padmé…"

Even as Padmé sputtered indignantly and Satine treated the plant beside her to a fine mist of red wine, the sound of someone clearing their throat made Cordelia look over at the doorway. Leaning back against the wall, Barriss stood with one hand outstretched, the hilt of her lightsaber spinning lazily a few inches above her palm. "I can't help but notice that you're completely ignoring the existence of a fourth person in this room. What am I, chopped nerf?"

Cordelia's lips curved upward in a wicked smile, making Barriss's indignant expression shift to something a good deal more uncertain even as the brunette shook her head before turning to look in Padmé's direction. "Nope. You're the one who warned the rest of us in the Temple about Anakin's bedroom shortcomings so we didn't have to find out firsthand like you did."

"…there are not words to express the depth of my loathing for you, Cordelia."

"You slept with my husband?!"

Before Padmé could actually launch into a proper interrogation of the exasperated-looking Mirialan, Satine held her hand up to forestall the queen-turned-senator before turning to C-3PO. "I'm going to need considerably more wine in me if I'm to be hearing about the sex life of Obi-Wan's padawan."

Cordelia waited patiently as the protocol droid refilled Satine's glass and the Mandalorian made shushing noises in Padmé's direction, holding off until the lip of the glass touched Satine's lips before speaking again. "Obi-Wan's padawan? Do you know something I don't about Dien'vi? Because Hiskari and I tried to climb that mountain; I'm pretty sure it's impassable." Satine twitched but managed to finish taking a sip of her wine, eyeing Cordelia balefully as she slowly and methodically swallowed it. "Damn it, I was hoping that would get another spit-take out of you. I'm aiming for at least three by the time I leave tonight."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Satine took another sip of her wine, savoring it for a few seconds before swallowing it and continuing. "I would actually be more amenable to hearing about Dien'vi's misadventures than Anakin's, to be honest. While I don't agree with their decisions, I do respect my forefathers and that girl exemplifies what the Mandalorians of old stood for."

While most people would have taken that statement at face value, Cordelia wasn't most people. As Satine continued to sip at her wine, the brunette bided her time… and then struck. "Oh really? Am I trying to hook you up with the wrong Jedi then? Not that I'd blame you; there's just something about Dien'vi that screams 'sit on my face, Mistress'." And… jackpot! Padmé's poor plant got treated to its second watering in the span of several minutes, some of the wine going down the wrong pipe in the process and reducing Satine to a coughing, watery-eyed mess. "Long live the queen."

Scooting her way across the couch, Padmé rolled her eyes as she patted the wheezing Satine on the back. "Yes, yes, we get it. You excel at shocking people. Would anyone mind if we got back to the matter at hand? Knight Offee, you had sex with my-"

Barriss pushed off the wall with a sigh, capturing her spinning saber and hooking it to her armor's utility belt as she made her way over to where the other three women were sitting. "Unlike Cordelia… and Anakin evidently? Some of us actually obey the Order's prohibition on attachment. With that said, we're not required to be celibate and since padawans are teenagers and young adults who spend large amounts of time together with minimal supervision? Most of us experiment at a minimum. And so yes, I slept with Anakin three years or so ago. A mistake that Cordelia has yet to let me forget." Perching on the arm of Cordelia's chair, Barriss glanced down at the brunette and offered a faint smirk before looking back up at Padmé. "I find myself morbidly curious… has he become any less selfish of a lover since then?"

As Satine snatched the bottle of wine out of C-3PO's hands and began guzzling desperately from it, Padmé stared off into space for a few seconds before shooting an unhappy look in the Mirialan's direction. "While I don't have terribly much experience to compare him to? No. No, he has not."

"By the stars!" Belching loudly, Satine looked around wildly before pointing past Padmé's protocol droid to the wet bar set against the wall between the living room's two west-facing windows. "Droid, would you be so kind as to bring me that bottle of Corellian whiskey?" As C-3PO shuffled off to accede to her request, Satine whirled around and jabbed Padmé in the chest, cutting off the younger woman's complaint. "Yes, I know how much that bottle cost. I also know that I need its contents desperately at this particular moment. Maybe you should have thought of that before allowing yourself to descend to their level."

Watching Padmé and Satine descend into childish bickering, Cordelia grinned widely. Everything was proceeding as she had foreseen it…

* * *

"…and he looks me right in the eye and says 'Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order'. As if it's my fault that he lacked the conviction to go after what he wanted!" Sprawled on the floor between Cordelia's legs with her head resting against the edge of the chair's cushion, Satine scoffed and attempted to gesture with her empty snifter only to have it slip from her fingers and tumble to the thankfully carpeted floor with a dull thump. "I'm the ruler of an entire people, and speak for thousands of systems and trillions of sapients. He could live like a… well, a duke by my side. If only he had the courage to walk away from his precious Order."

Cordelia chuckled softly as she separated another section of Satine's hair and began working on another braid, slowly but surely replicating the hairstyle she'd often helped Aura with before cheerleading competitions. Thicker than true micro braids and looser than cornrows - and less culturally appropriative to boot - she felt that it'd be a good look for Satine while still offering some options in terms of what her final look would be on any given day. "I've seen a lot in my life. Three dimensions, two galaxies, and dozens of different worlds. One and only one thing has remained constant this entire time: men are idiots."

A vaguely affirmative noise came from where Barriss was laying in front of Padmé's couch, the Mirialan making energetic gestures with her hands as she juggled fruit with the Force. Whoever had declared that Jedi were harder to get drunk than mere mortals had obviously never heard of Corellian whiskey. Also, while Alanis Morissette had thoroughly destroyed her ability to distinguish what was and was not in fact irony… Cordelia was pretty sure that it was legitimately ironic that Barriss could use the Force to remove poison from a patient but couldn't keep herself from getting drunk. For all of their safety, the woman's lightsaber was tucked away safely in Cordelia's purse, a decision that the brunette had made after Barriss had attempted to reenact something from the Battle of Geonosis only to end up destroying one of Padmé's end tables. Padmé herself… had apparently caught on to Cordelia's cunning plan and opted to not only stick to wine but limit her intake, leaving her far closer to sober than Cordelia would have preferred. "Is that why you chose Hiskari, then?"

"Partly. The other half being… hmm. Those handmaidens of yours." Said handmaidens were the reason that Cordelia was mostly sober but still seeing double; Sabé had returned from an errand a little while ago and opted to join her mistress on the couch to observe the proceedings. "Some of them have been with you for over a decade. Have you ever..?" Cordelia trailed off as Padmé and Sabé exchanged looks and blushed, confirming her suspicions. "Thought so. Which means you know that there are certain things that girls are better at because they're… shall we say, familiar with the territory? Well take that and then add in the fact that Hiskari can move things with her mind…"

"That part is amazing." Plucking the mostly untouched fourth glass of wine from the shocked-looking Padmé's hand, Sabé took a sip for herself before smiling impishly. "It turns out that you get to experience the most… interesting… things when you're serving as a decoy for a Republic senator."

Padmé raised an eyebrow at that before Cordelia could, eyeing her handmaiden curiously. "Is that so? And why is now the first that I'm hearing of this?"

Tugging the newest bottle of wine from where it was wedged between their bodies, Sabé topped off her pilfered glass before handing it back to Padmé. "I don't kiss and tell. Girl talk, on the other hand, is a totally different matter." Turning to Cordelia, Sabé pantomimed drinking before looking pointedly at the nearby shelf. What… oh. Cordelia made a tugging motion, summoning one of the empty glasses to her hand before sending it spinning through the air toward Sabé, the handmaiden skillfully plucking it out of the air and pouring herself some wine. "Honestly, Padmé, what sort of 'official business' did you think I was going on as you at eight o'clock in the evening? In one of your favorite corsets and that lovely red skirt that you keep trying to steal from me? At an expensive restaurant? With Master Ti?"

"Wait, seriously?" Thinking back to her last meeting with the assembled High Council, Cordelia pouted as she leaned back in her seat. While Hiskari hadn't become an active participant in her campaign to bring another woman home for the night until recently, the Nautolan had been fully willing at least that far back. "Knew I should have pushed harder about that dinner idea. You lucky bitch. How was it?"

Her hand flashing out almost faster than Cordelia could track, Sabé stole one of the fruits that Barriss was juggling and took a bite out of it as she considered the question. "The ale-braised nerf steak was positively pedestrian considering the restaurant's reputation, and my potatoes were equally uninspiring. Dessert, on the other hand, was mind-blowing." Chuckling softly, Sabé reached over to pat the dumbfounded Padmé on the shoulder. "Don't worry, she knew it was me all along so there won't be any awkwardness next time you see her. On a related note, you and 'Ani' should probably come up with some sort of signal or code phrase to confirm who he's dealing with. He swung by your office the other day while I was standing in for you and… well, he wasn't wrong when he called what he was looking for a quickie."

Cordelia's jaw dropped and there was a soft oath from Barriss as her concentration slipped, the fruit plummeting to pelt her chest and face. Brushing it all onto the floor, the Mirialan sat up to stare at Sabé in disbelief just as Padmé finally found her voice. "…what?"

Doing her best to look innocent, Sabé met Padmé's incredulous gaze and shrugged. "It's happened to me twice and Eirtaé once. Evidently we're a little too good at our job? Just out of curiosity, have you considered buying him a subscription to an erotic holovid service or two? I feel like we'd all benefit…"

"Ahem! As fascinating as Padmé's marital dysfunctions are - and by fascinating I actually mean nausea-inducing - I believe we're supposed to be talking about my love life right now? Or the complete lack thereof, thanks to Obi-Wan's devotion to the Jedi Order?" Tilting her head back, Satine peered up at Cordelia curiously. "You're quite clearly a terrible person and yet your lover was willing to risk her membership in the Order to be with you. What does that make me, if Obi-Wan won't?"

First of all, hey! She wasn't a terrible person. Horses were terrible people. She was just… more morally flexible than the average Jedi. And a lot better at being honest to people's faces. Secondly, Cordelia was pretty sure that defining one's self-worth based on male attention was the singular surest way to end up turning into Harmony. "Satine, while we don't exactly see eye-to-eye? I won't hesitate to tell you that you're an amazing woman, and a beautiful one. You may have questionable taste in stylists but at the end of the day, that poor decision doesn't make you any less beautiful as a whole. If Hiskari didn't seem to be a one-human Nautolan, I would definitely offer to take you home with us one night. You too, Padmé, although I'd definitely prioritize Satine over you. Sabé, you'd rank above Padmé but still under Satine."

"…lovely."

"I'll take it."

Cordelia waved her hands in the near-twins' direction, shushing them before returning her attention to Satine. "The point is that you're awesome. The fact that he won't make a move doesn't make you less awesome, it just means he's stupid. But since this is clearly fully requited love, just with some barriers in the way? There's something you can do about it: make… a… move. You may be a pacifist, but you're still a Mandalorian. There's a reason we picked one of you to be the prime clone for our army. Toss that idiot you're in love with over your shoulder, carry him off somewhere private, and then fuck his brains out. If he still doesn't want to be with you after that? At least you tried."

As Satine appeared to ponder that, Padmé groaned and buried her face in her hands. "That seems like a terrible idea to me. Satine, don't listen to her."

"I'm sorry, which one of us here has the healthy relationship and which one of us has a husband who screws our stunt doubles? Seriously, it's like a terrible episode of _Oprah_. 'You get fucked by Anakin! And you get fucked by Anakin! You all get fucked by Anakin!' Which is why I'd never attend a taping of a talk show." Cordelia took a moment to consider what had just come out of her mouth and then eyed her glass suspiciously. When had it gotten that empty? Whatever. Moving on… "In all seriousness? I'm not doing this to be altruistic, Satine; believe it or not, I have plans for the future and some of them would be helped by you and Obi-Wan shacking up. Like, you turning him into Duke Obi-Wan Kryze of Mandalore would do a lot to advance at least two of my current schemes. So believe me when I tell you that I'm not giving you intentionally bad advice, I'm not messing with your head, and I'm not trying to set you up to fail. And if you can't? Believe that I'm being genuine, that is? Look at it this way: what have you got to lose at this point?"

Neither Satine nor Padmé had an answer to that.


	19. Smash Dat AAT

Joe's Note: When I heard that Timothy Zahn had authored the three chapter _Hero of Cartao_ for _Star Wars Insider_ , I was really excited because… well, he wrote the first Expanded Universe novels. And before Lucas went back and tried his hand at filling in the Clone Wars, Zahn was the one who offered us those first teasing glimpses at the past. Having read tracked down and read the short story, though? It creates almost as many problems as anything else in the now-Legends universe related to the Clone Wars, and just leaves me disappointed. Most notably because of the massive continuity flaws it introduces regarding a certain piece of technology that's very important to this story… technology that Zahn himself introduced to the galaxy far, far away. Oh well. Let's see what we can do with it, shall we?  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Thyatira, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"That will do. Is there an office where we can talk more privately?"

"What is there to talk about? Surely you see now that this technique can't be duplicated elsewhere."

"A private office, if you please?" As Kinman Doriana repeated his request, Cordelia rolled her eyes and tapped at her datapad, dragging the Eight of Hearts on top of the Nine of Spades. Thankfully, she'd remembered enough of the rules behind solitaire to explain the game to some programmers, and while the application had cost her a pretty penny? Having the game loaded on her datapad made it far easier to get through certain meetings without snapping and stabbing someone with her lightsaber. Like the one she was in now. She was starting to understand why both Palpatine and Sidious had secured Doriana's services: they were two peas in a pod. The man was spending an inordinately long time wrapping the metaphorical noose around Lord Pilester Binalie's neck in preparation for his sudden killing blow; she would have just slapped him upside the chest with the datacard containing the necessary Senate Directive and then wandered off to begin taking control of her new domain. Instead, she'd had to sit through a visit to the man's mansion and now a partial tour of Spaarti Creations, and Binalie still had no idea what was coming. He was starting to get suspicious, though, given the look he was shooting her and Doriana. "And it may be best if the boy leaves us now."

For some reason, that of all things was enough to set off alarm bells in the man and Binalie's face went cold as he glared at Doriana. "I have no secrets from my son, Doriana. If you have anything to say to me, you can say it in his presence."

"Oh, for the love of… we don't need a meeting room because nobody can hear us where we are. Surrounded by machinery, all sorts of noise, it's a thing. And Doriana, quit being such a giant drama queen and riling the man up for no good reason. Who cares if his crotchspawn hears this? It's not like either of them can do anything." Cringing, Cordelia stuffed her hand into Doriana's pocket, ignoring the man's remarkably girlish squeal as she pulled out the datacard she needed. She took a step forward and held it out to Binalie, raising an eyebrow challengingly when he refused to take it. "Senate Directive 3591 authorizes the supreme chancellor to commandeer any resource or group of resources that he feels necessary for the war effort. We're here to use it to sidestep Senate Directive 422, which would normally protect you from exactly that because of your Cranscoc workers."

Those alien workers were the exact reason they were on Cartao and harassing the man: Cordelia didn't pretend to understand how or why it worked even after suffering through the tour, but the bugs had some sort of innate ability that Spaarti Creations was taking advantage of to retool their production lines with a rapidity that put even fully droid-run facilities to shame. That capability was exactly what the Republic needed as they sought to optimize Khommite cloning tanks for human growth; Spaarti could churn out fully functional prototypes, tests could be run, and then improved models would come off the production line a short while later. In no time, they'd have the perfect cloning tank and then mass production could begin. Hell, once that phase was over? They wouldn't even need Spaarti anymore; the schematics could be brought to anyone capable of producing suitably complex machinery…

Finally, Binalie snatched the datacard away from her and pulled out his own datapad, sliding it into the reader and frowning as the device came to life. For a long minute, his eyes raced back and forth as he read and reread the directive, and then he finally looked up to meet her eyes once more. "You can't do this. Weren't you listening to what I told Doriana back in my office? You take over Spaarti, and it'll just be a matter of time before the Separatists move in."

"Oh, I'm sorry, for a second there it sounded like you thought you had a choice. The directive is clear and the supreme chancellor has made his decision. We need Spaarti Creations and so we're taking it. Just for a bit; we'll give it back in like-new condition when we're done." Cordelia shrugged before nodding in the direction of the nearby assembly line, where some sort of large boxy machine was trundling past over and over again. "And we're not stupid. You're not going to be doing an order for the Grand Army of the Republic or even the Kaminoans. Over the next month or so, you're going to ship out a record-breaking amount of 'farming equipment' and 'tunneling gear' to Republic-aligned planets all through the Outer Rim. The Kaminoans will take it from there."

"What about my workers?" Binalie raised his free hand and pointed past her, causing Cordelia to glance back over her shoulder at where a cluster of humans and one Duros were eyeing their group curiously. "Not counting the twillers, we employ nearly thirteen thousand humans and aliens here. How are you going to guarantee that they all keep quiet?"

Doriana stepped forward as he prepared to answer Binalie's question, only to be cut off by Cordelia slapping her hand over his mouth. Inclining her head in her companion's direction, Cordelia sneered. "This genius planned to infect a few of your workers with a simple bug that mimics some of the symptoms of plyridian fever, and then have you clear everyone out by invoking a medical quarantine. Me? I'm a big believer in KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid. The cloning tanks are obviously Khommite in design. Your workers here on the assembly lines will think that they're building stuff that's going to Khomm. Each night, when everyone else goes home? We'll use the 'caretaker unit' that Doriana is bringing in to package stuff up in mislabeled crates and move it over to your shipping department so that it can go out in the morning. Clue in a select few supervisors on what's going on so that they don't question the discrepancies between the different departments, our people will handle the packing so that none of your people stumble onto our ruse, bam, everything gets tied up in a neat little bow and nobody needs to get infected with anything."

"Given your reputation, I must admit that I'm surprised that you were not in favor of infecting his workers." Unlike when she dealt with Obi-Wan or Anakin, Jedi Watchman Jafer Torles seemed entirely sincere with that comment rather than bitchy. Personally, she'd been starting to wonder if he was mute or something; he hadn't said a damn word to her or Doriana since their arrival on Cartao. Then again, that was infinitely preferably to the high school cheerleader-grade bitchiness that seemed to accompany most of her interactions with male Jedi. "I don't keep up with the comings and goings on Coruscant quite as well as I should, but you are in fact one Cordelia Chase, are you not? The padawan who likes to Force choke her enemies?"

That earned her startled looks from both Binalie and Doriana, the latter being more surprising than the former. Evidently Satine hadn't been quite as much of a gossip as Anakin and Obi-Wan, Cordelia mused, if her actions were common knowledge amongst the Jedi but less so among even Palpatine's higher ranking subordinates. Interesting. Also, completely in line with her belief that the Jedi were high school cheerleaders with cool swords and terrible fashion sense. "I choked one enemy. A bit. Then I threw him into a wall and broke a bunch of his bones. Why does that make you think that I'd be okay with infecting anyone with anything?" Torles offered a half-hearted shrug in response before raising his hands in surrender. Whatever. Fuck men. Especially bitchy old men. "So in conclusion… Binalie, you're fucked like me when Hiskari's in a good mood. We're taking your shit and if you want it back? You'll cooperate. If you don't mind losing it for good? Keep fighting us, and you'll have a front row seat to your company getting permanently nationalized and rebranded as Chase Creations. Comprende?"

Binalie comprendió. And hey, she still remembered some Spanish despite not using it in half a decade. Cool. As Doriana led Binalie off toward the 'Schematic Plotting' room, Torles and young Corf Binalie trailing behind them uncertainly, Cordelia pulled a holoprojector out of one of the pouches on her belt and punched in one of the codes she'd memorized for this mission. After a few seconds, it connected and whirred to life, creating a one-eighth scale hologram of a clonetrooper. "We're going with my plan, Commander Roshton. You're free to land as soon as you get your men into street clothes."

With a helmet on, it was impossible for Cordelia to read Roshton's facial expressions, but his voice carried enough annoyance to make his feelings clear. "I'm still not sure I like-"

"You're not paid to like my decisions, Commander. You're paid to follow them." Actually, they weren't being paid at all. Cordelia was kinda curious how that was going to work out when the war ended and the clones were absorbed into society; would they get back pay based on how long they'd served, or was the Republic going to end up with an entire population whose existence would need to be wholly subsidized by taxpayers? Thank God there weren't any Republicans in the Republic; they'd go nuts over something like that. Or would they? It was military spending after a fashion. Wait. Focus. "We've got… thirty-seven minutes until sunset, which is when all the workers are chased out and the Cranscoc start doing their thing. How close are you and your people?"

"The first transport's on its way, with the chief techs and operational schematics aboard. They'll be there in an hour. The rest of the transports will follow at thirty minute intervals."

"Outstanding. I'll be waiting." Ending the call, Cordelia stuffed the holoprojector back into her pocket before grinning and rubbing her hands together; her plans were proceeding perfectly. By hamstringing Doriana's plan, not only would the assembly lines be manned by trained professionals who could push out more product in less time… but it would make it easier for her to appropriate the prototype tanks that were churned out during the experimentation phase. Given that existing Khommite tanks were perfectly capable of cloning humans and Palpatine just wanted more efficient ones for his schemes, Cordelia would be perfectly happy 'settling' for the supposedly imperfect prototypes…

* * *

Palpatine shouldn't be allowed to make plans. At all. Ever.

That was the one thought running through Cordelia's head on repeat as she did her best to keep the beleaguered clonetrooper line from breaking. Their first two weeks on Cartao had been thoroughly unremarkable, her revision to Palpatine and Doriana's plan unfolding without a single hitch. Tanks were tested. Tweaks were made. More tanks were tested. A final design was settled upon. The assembly lines kicked into high gear. She made off with the prototypes. Then the fucking Separatists had shown up because somebody - and by somebody, she totally meant Palpatine-slash-Sidious - had forgotten to pass on to his subordinates that they weren't actually going to be destroying Spaarti Creations and blaming it on the Jedi.

The past week had been a running fight between Roshton's clonetroopers and the far more numerous droid forces of Tok Ashel, with a guest appearance by General Fyefee Tiis and the _Whipsaw_. The _Arquitens_ -class light cruiser had managed to take out the _Lucrehulk_ -class droid control ship in orbit of Cartao but had been destroyed shortly thereafter by the ship's escorts, depriving Cordelia of troops that would have been incredibly useful when the mobile droid control unit promptly kicked in and reactivated all the battle droids on the surface. Poor Torles had gone down under a withering hail of fire at that point, caught too close to a Hailfire droid when came back to life. Now she was left trying to hold the line with the tattered remains of Roshton's original clonetrooper contingent until the reinforcements that she'd summoned could arrive. At this point, she only had to survive a few more minutes and so if she got killed today, she was going to come back as a Force ghost and haunt Palpatine for all eternity for coming up with such a stupid fucking plan and then putting her right in-

"Jedi!" Roshton's shout drew her attention, the commander hefting his blaster rifle and firing off a few more shots before waving in her direction and then finally pointing skyward. "The Jedi have come!"

Thank fucking God. Cordelia turned back to the battle, hefting one lightsaber and then hurling it toward the battle droids that were pursuing the now-retreating clonetroopers. Thanks to her frequent and extensive telekinesis training sessions with Hiskari, she could now cut down almost an entire squad of droids in one long flight before needing to call the blade back to her hand and rest for a few seconds. As Roshton and Lieutenant Laytron oversaw the very orderly retreat of the remaining clonetroopers, Cordelia let her eyes wander upward to the approaching _Tethys_. There was something off about its profile, its sleek and shiny lines disturbed by… the ship abruptly split into three pieces and Cordelia suddenly understood. The _Venators_ that Yularen had redirected as a favor to her would take time to clean out the Separatists still in orbit around Cartao. LAAT/i were vacuum-capable but far less maneuverable in space than in atmosphere; they'd get to the surface far quicker in Hiskari's care than on their own. As long as whatever mounting brackets they'd added didn't make her ship too ugly, she'd have to remember that little trick for the future.

The pair of LAATs came in first, sweeping over the battlefield and using their lasers to obliterate one battle droid after another as they secured a landing zone. They eventually settled parallel to each other, leaving a gap between them big enough for the _Tethys_ to land as they opened their doors to disgorge… Jedi? A half-dozen from each - all of them female, alien, and too young to be full-fledged Jedi Knight - followed by two full squads of clonetroopers, representing more Jedi than had been seen on a single battlefront since Geonosis. What the hell was going on?

An answer was finally forthcoming as an incredibly disgruntled-looking Aayla came stomping down the ramp of the _Tethys_ , the rest of the Jedi falling in behind her like ducklings as the trio of ships lifted off and reentered the battle for control of Foulahn City and - by extension - Spaarti Creations. Aayla's hand shot out to one side as she walked, the Twi'lek using the Force to crush an approaching D-60 assault droid into a ragged cube before flinging it into one of its friends. Ooh, someone was definitely not in a good mood. When her friend and occasional mentor finally reached her, Aayla fisted her hands in Cordelia's robes and pulled her close. "I hate you."

What? Now why? Cordelia furrowed her brow in confusion; Aayla had gotten over both the reassignment and the wardrobe change a while ago, and the brunette honestly couldn't think of what she might have done recently to warrant that kind of greeting. "Hello to you too. Why are you mad at me now?"

"Do you seriously have to ask…" Trailing off, Aayla looked from the still confused Cordelia to the wide-eyed pack of padawans behind her and then back before understanding dawned. "The High Council actually came up with this idea on their own?"

"Maybe? Probably? Considering I have no clue what you're talking about?"

Aayla scowled, jerking her thumb back over her shoulder at her dozen-strong shadows. "I'm the temporary guardian and instructor for some recently orphaned padawans while the High Council tries to figure out what to do with them. Considering that I've never even so much as hinted that I want a padawan of my own, combined with the fact that they're all aliens, girls, and roughly your age…"

Eyes wide, Cordelia shook her head before leaning first to one side and then the other, peering past Aayla at the new temporary Valkyries. Given that three of the dozen were Twi'leks - in three different colors, no less - while another was a secondary Nautolan and most of the remaining eight weren't exactly hard on the eyes? "I can see why you'd be suspicious but I honestly had nothing to do with this. Although if I had, I think we both know that there'd be more Nautolans here." And at least one Togruta; they were still very high on her To-Do List for when she and Hiskari inevitably had their threesome. A loud explosion cut off Aayla's reply, one of the AATs reduced to flaming wreckage by the _Tethys_ and her turbolasers, and Cordelia smirked before drawing and igniting her twin lightsabers. "Mark it on the calendar because you may never hear me say this again… but let's save the flirting and innuendo for later. We've got a battle to win."


	20. Cartao Consequences

Joe's Note: Okay, things are almost tied up in a neat little bow. We've managed to not only save Spaarti Creations but set up how and why 'their' cloning tanks could have been produced even if Cordelia failed. From here, they'll make their way out into the galaxy to end up numerous places: Kamino and Centax-2 to help grow the Grand Army of the Republic, Wayland for Palpatine's personal schemes, a few will inevitably be stolen by criminals for use in their own nefarious plots, and Cordelia… well, we're about to get a firsthand look at what's going to happen to the prototype tanks that she appropriated…  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"If the idea of you spending time around the Kaminoans is scary, then this… this is downright terrifying."

Cordelia shot a grin back over her shoulder at her visitor before returning her attention to her work, using the Force to maneuver the sixth Spaarti-made cloning tank into position in Cargo Hold A. At first, she'd been planning to set them all up neatly opposite the long side of Hiskari's tank before realizing… why? Even with the tweaks that Roshton's nerds had incorporated, they still took the same one year to grow a clone as their Khommite predecessors. Anything that might possibly go wrong would go wrong far too fast for her to do anything, meaning they didn't require constant monitoring like they were literal ovens full of buns. So instead she'd set them up along a very aesthetically pleasing curve in one corner, packing the space behind the center tank with all the machinery necessary to interface them with the _Tethys_. She'd been smart enough to hook up all the connections before wrestling them into place, meaning as soon as she was done with this tank? She was ready to go.

Where she was going? Cordelia still wasn't exactly sure. When she'd come up with her plan, it had seemed obvious: she could grow more of the special clones that were being made for her on Kamino as part of her payment, six of them a year for as long as she felt like it. Now? She wasn't so sure. If her clones were as good as she was, she wouldn't really need to replace them the way that the Republic was constantly replenishing their clonetrooper army. And she could only fit so many people aboard the _Tethys_ , even if she evicted all the Fett clones and decided not to go through with the rest of her recruiting plans for the Valkyrie Project. Oh, and it'd keep her from utilizing Secura's Sirens on future missions. Speaking of which… "Where are we going to put your padawans, Master Secura? Because I'm thinking that adding some bunks to Cargo Hold B and stashing a dozen alien girls in with my troopers would be a terrible idea."

"First of all, don't call me that. I'm nowhere near old enough to be a Jedi Master." Aayla made her way over to cuff Cordelia's shoulder gently before leaning against the wall beside the rightmost tank. "And shouldn't you have thought of that before you sent the destroyers they arrived in back to Admiral Yularen? Now we're stuck with them here aboard our ship."

Even as she nodded in acknowledgement of the Twi'lek's point, a little part of Cordelia was glowing in happiness. 'Our' ship. Not 'your' ship. Aayla was finally starting to think of the _Tethys_ as her home. That… didn't make her ready to hear the truth about Cordelia's plans and current political affiliation, but it meant that Aayla was getting closer. "Well first of all, are any of them a permanent keeper for you? I've been looking for someone to be the Dien'vi to your Obi-Wan and while I had my eye on a masterless padawan who's at our next port of call, if you're forming a bond with any of your Sirens…"

Raising a hand to cut Cordelia off, Aayla arched an eyebrow curiously. "My Sirens?"

"Secura's Sirens. While you were grabbing a sonic, I sent a message to the marketing research firm I use on Coruscant. Initial focus group reaction of your lifestyle change is positive, especially in the thirteen to seventeen and eighteen to twenty-four-year-old female demographics. They're loving the non-traditional role of a Twi'lek female as a teacher and leader, and the padawans have broad spectrum appeal because of their diversity." Satisfied that at least this phase of her current project was done, Cordelia turned away and thrust her hand out as she summoned her trusty datapad. Gesturing for Aayla to walk with her, she pulled up the relevant message thread before handing the device to Aayla. "I don't want to compete with the Anakin and Obi-Wan battle reenactment holovids, so I'm thinking an animated series playing you up as a role model instead of a straight up recreation of your adventures. Possibly supplemented by a toy line; I'm thinking I'd market them like action figures but give them swappable clothing like dolls to increase accessory sales. Action dolls? Whatever. You'll be well compensated for your awesomeness, don't worry."

That one actually rendered the Jedi Knight speechless, Aayla opening and closing her mouth several times as she reconsidered vocalizing whatever thought had come to mind. As they reached the captain's cabin, she finally shook her head in defeat and handed the datapad back to Cordelia. "To answer your original question? I feel like I should say yes and name a padawan at random if for no other reason than to derail whatever new insanity you're planning involving me… but no. Although if I felt a connection to Amayra, I would answer the same way because I have a pretty good idea of what would happen if she became a permanent fixture aboard this ship."

As if. Cordelia eyed Aayla disapprovingly before shaking her head; the bond between master and padawan was a sacred thing, even to someone as generally irreverent as her. As cute as Amayra was, even Cordelia drew the line at manipulating the master-padawan system to ensure that the Nautolan would stay within easy flirting range. "Considering I have plans for Amayra that don't involve her being your apprentice, that works out well for all of us. And before you even say it, no, those plans don't necessarily involve my bedroom. Or Hiskari's tank, either." Aayla shot her a disbelieving look at that, making Cordelia roll her eyes before reaching up behind her neck to unzip her jumpsuit. "I'm serious. She's the best pilot I have access to right now, and that's probably not going to change any time soon. When I take command of the _Ouranos_ , I want her to serve as my wing commander. Well, as much of a wing as can fit in Dreadnaught, even a modified one…"

That little tidbit made Aayla's jaw drop. Well, it was either that or Cordelia's jumpsuit hitting the floor… but as much as she wanted to think that the latter would get that sort of reaction from Aayla, she knew it was much more likely to have been the former. "Someone is giving you a Dreadnaught? I'm surprised they managed to find twenty-two thousand people who are all willing to serve under you. Or is the vessel part of the Republic Navy, and they're taking advantage of the obedient clonetrooper crew to circumvent that particular problem?"

"Really? You think I'd have a problem staffing a vessel that's going to have a hot, half-naked Rutian Twi'lek aboard it? Which reminds me, I've got another set of new uniforms for you waiting in the cargo hold. These ones involve hot pants." Cordelia burst into laughter at the affronted look on Aayla's face, reaching out and pulling the somewhat resistant woman into a hug. "Oh, you're so easy sometimes. Don't worry, your future still includes actual pants. Good snark, though; I give it a solid B+." Releasing Aayla, the brunette retrieved her datapad from where she'd left it spinning in the air near her left shoulder, pulling up a new file before handing the device back to her companion. "The massive crew requirement is part of how I got my hands on one, actually. They're being retired left and right by planetary security forces because you can crew three newer destroyers for every Dreadnaught you take out of service. I got one cheap off the Bothans as a part of their fleet modernization program and then hired a skeleton crew to fly it to Dac for me. Got my new ride pimped out with extra weapons, stronger shields, a faster hyperdrive, and a bigger hangar among other things… and they installed automation systems that drop the crew requirement down to a very manageable twenty-five hundred."

"Which is still a significant number of people, but I'm sure you can get the chancellor to loan you at least that many clones." Aayla nibbled on her lower lip as she scrolled through the information Cordelia had handed her, whistling softly as she reached the image gallery at the end. "It's a lot prettier than a standard Dreadnaught, although I've always been fond of Mon Calamari designs. Why add wings, though?"

Making her way over to the complex storage unit that served as her dresser aboard the _Tethys_ , Cordelia began poking around as she tried to figure out what she wanted to wear that evening. A jumpsuit was the most comfortable option, but the various dresses that she'd acquired to shut Palpatine up did a lot better job of projecting sophistication and power. And class and wealth, but those didn't really matter when she was dealing with her fellow Jedi. "Even with six hundred meters worth of ship, they started running out of room for everything they wanted to add for me. So by adding more ship…"

Aayla let out a soft noise of understanding. "It gives them more spaceframe to work with. With you hollowing out part of the ship to add a proper hangar bay, it probably would have been necessary even if you didn't want to add an obscene number of weapons to your ship."

"You don't win a war by dying for your country. You win a war by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his." Cordelia turned to face Aayla, a dress in each hand and raised an eyebrow inquiringly. After a few seconds of consideration, Aayla pointed to the dress in her left hand… and Cordelia promptly put that one away because honestly, Aayla had terrible fashion sense. "History is one of the few classes that I've always enjoyed, both here and back home on Earth. I like knowing where I came from, and it's a great source of quotable quotes that aren't pop culture. But yeah, a famous military leader on my homeworld said that and I totally agree. You see it as me adding an obscene number of weapons to the _Ouranos_ , I see it as… fuck you, Separatist ambush fleet, I'm not dying today."

Leaving Aayla to contemplate that, Cordelia puttered around the room collecting the necessities: underwear, toiletries, a belt so that she'd have somewhere to hang her lightsabers, said lightsabers… now with carefully disguised D-rings attached so that she could wear them with things other than the belt from her armor. Once she was finally ready, she gestured to the door and Aayla began moving toward it only to come to an abrupt stop as she realized something. "You've managed to completely distract me from the topic of the cloning tanks that you smuggled aboard."

Cordelia smirked as she grabbed Aayla by the wrist, coaxing the Twi'lek back into motion as she swept out of her room and began heading down the hall to the ship's sole - albeit large - refresher. "Kinda. Mostly because I honestly don't have any answers to give you right now. Yes, I was planning to make more clones of myself and that's why I took them. But I'm abandoning that plan - at least for the time being - because I don't plan to treat my clones like disposable tools the way the Republic treats the Fett clones which means that I'm not going to need to constantly replace them with fresh copies. So the only real answer I can give you as to why I have them is… because I can?"

"I sense that you're telling the truth… but that actually makes me more worried rather than less. If you had an actual plan, it would give me something to try and stop." As they reached the refresher door, Aayla came to a stop and leaned against the doorframe, watching as Cordelia began unloading her shampoo, conditioner, and other sundry bathing products onto the small shelf in the ship's water-based shower stall. While the ship had two sonic showers for those who enjoyed them, Cordelia preferred getting clean the old-fashioned way and… well, it was her ship. She could cater to her 'eccentricities' for as long as her credit balance held out. "I assume that coming in here is your way of saying that our conversation is over for now?"

Reaching up to unhook her bra, Cordelia slid the shoulder straps down her arms before bringing her hands up to hold the cups in place against her chest. She offered Aayla a coquettish grin before nodding toward the shower. "I mean, unless you want to come scrub my back while we keep talking?"

Aayla let out a snort at that, turning to leave before calling back over her shoulder to Cordelia. "While I try to avoid saying that I would never do something… if there's ever going to be a day when I'm willing to take you up on an offer like that, today is not that day."

"In that case… can you go tell Amayra that I want to talk to her?"

* * *

"Fifty credits says it'll be anyone but this one."

"Considering you're a Barabel, Sina, I feel like that's a sucker bet." Amayra Narezz took a sip from her cup of blue milk before raising her free hand in surrender as Sina Raine pinned her with a glare. "What? I'm sure you're a very pretty Barabel to other Barabel, but to the rest of the civilized galaxy…"

That earned Amayra three simultaneous snorts followed by soft giggles from the Twi'lek corner of the galley. Ketra Utrila was the first to compose herself, the Lethan Twi'lek fixing Amayra with an unimpressed look. "We're getting commentary on galactic standards of beauty from the walking squid?" Fair enough. She was a very pretty 'walking squid' by both her own and her people's standards, but to most others… Amayra realized that she was probably about as attractive as a Barabel. "If any of us had any money to actually bet? I'd put money on Nualla…" She jerked a thumb in the direction of the pale-skinned Twi'lek leaning against her before pointing at… "Or Iryssa."

Iryssa Finn looked up from her datapad at that, blinking owlishly before gesturing to herself in disbelief. "Me? Why me?"

"Well, almost everyone likes Twi'lek for some reason but Padawan Chase clearly prefers pale-skinned women, which makes her more likely to go after Nualla than me or Sanura." Nualla nodded in acquiescence and then Ketra continued on, addressing Iryssa's question. "You, on the other hand? You're pretty and pale and have something that none of the rest of us do: you're exotic. Omwati… there aren't too many of you and nobody even knows where you come from. On top of that? Your strengths and weaknesses compliment what I know about Chase and Dorset. So honestly, I'd put most of my money on you to be the one they seduce with the rest on Nualla to hedge my bets."

While she didn't necessarily disagree with Ketra's assessment of Iryssa's favorable qualities - the Omwati was cute as hell, nice, and frighteningly smart - Amayra felt that they were overlooking something very important. "If you're basing your prediction on who Chase is already dating, wouldn't that make me the obvious candidate? I mean, I'm Nautolan. She likes Nautolans."

"Her tastes seem to run to Nautolans, Togruta, politicians, and Twi'lek in that order of preference. Amayra has the best odds out of all of you because she's pretty, Cordelia admires her for her piloting and lightsaber skills, and she likes blue skin just as much as pale skin." The assembled girls jerked to attention as Master Secura breezed into the galley, making her way over to the cooker and powering it up. "Failing that, I'd hedge with a bet on Sanura. She's a Twi'lek, consulars are the closest that our Order gets to politicians, and I can't see her passing up a girl whose skin is the exact shade of purple that she's so fond of. With all of that said? I'll give fifty credits each to anyone who actually wants to participate in a pool as long as you let me put creds on her talking one of her own clones into having a threesome. I've known Cordelia for years now and yes, she's exactly that narcissistic."

Amayra and Ketra exchanged looks at that; while the Nautolan appreciated the validation of her own attractiveness, having her new master joining in on the conversation felt… vaguely unseemly. "Should you really be encouraging us to gamble, Master?"

"Yes, well, I always told the High Council that I'd make a terrible master. Consider this to be me proving myself right."


	21. Surprise Twi'lek!

Joe's Note: Sometimes, I feel like the production staff for _The Clone Wars_ didn't really talk to each other. While I get that certain episodes serve as flashbacks and all, somehow we ended up with an episode set after numerous other events in the series… that Ahsoka is completely and totally missing from for no apparent reason. Given that I was intending to have Cordelia present for the Second Battle of Kamino - it was actually one of the first chapters I wrote for the original version of _Cordylosophies_ \- I decided to work an explanation for Ahsoka's absence from canon events into this version of the story. Enjoy.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"So, since your masters evidently don't care enough to argue with me grossly abusing the powers vested in me by the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic? Until the current threat is resolved, you all officially belong to me. Congratulations and welcome to being awesome."

Sienn'eirriss looked to one side and then the other, somehow more taken aback by the august company she was keeping than Padawan Chase's words. Well, august enough company. Knight Aaylas'ecura was definitely a far more important figure than Sienn'eirriss ever expected to rub elbows with, a survivor of not only the First Battle of Geonosis but the Battle of Hypori and the Zillo Beast Incident as well. She had come face-to-face with General Grievous and lived, emerged victorious from duels with both Asajj Ventress and Aurra Sing, was incredibly gifted in at least three forms of lightsaber combat… and the Rutian Twi'lek's beauty had earned her more admirers within the Temple than even Sienn'eirriss's artificially perfected looks.

Then there were Padawan Tano and Padawan Kwaad, the apprentices of Masters Skywalker and Kenobi respectively. Ahsoka had earned a measure of renown for her adventures beside her master and Torrent Company of the 501st, all while being one of the youngest padawans in the entire Order. Dien'vi, on the other hand, had seen plenty of combat alongside Master Kenobi and Ghost Company but was best known for the fact that nobody could seem to hurt her. Sienn hadn't believed it until she'd seen the vids of it for herself: blaster bolts didn't phase Dien'vi, and she casually batted aside lightsaber blades with her hands. Not training saber blades, either. Real ones! Which just added to the already significant mystery that was the heavily armored and tattooed alien girl whose species nobody could identify and who hailed from a planet that apparently didn't exist.

There was Padawan Chase herself, the Supreme Chancellor's personal representative to the Jedi Order, and her lover Padawan Dorset. Both were infamous for their romance and their unconventional ideas even before Cordelia's recent promotion… and evidently there were clones of Cordelia being grown somewhere on Kamino. There was the aristocratic Padawan Helse, Duch'da of Andalia, a far more skilled adherent of Niman than Sienn'eirriss and one of the few Jedi in recent history to demonstrate a talent for cryokinesis. And there was Padawan Ko, apprentice of the venerable Master Ti and… Sienn'eirriss frowned. Perhaps Chadaara was as unremarkable as Sienn'eirriss herself was; the Togruta's only real claim to fame - apart from her master being on the High Council, of course - was that she'd bitten a few of her fellow padawans during sparring matches.

Save for perhaps Chadaara, Sienn'eirriss was hopelessly outclassed by the rest of the padawans in the room, to say nothing of Knight Secura. There was also the matter of… "How could my master have assigned me to you when I don't have a master?"

"Actually, you do. Sienn, meet Aayla. Aayla, meet your new padawan, Sienn Eirriss." Cordelia grinned widely as the two Twi'lek exchanged startled glances; evidently this was just as much of a surprise to Aaylas'ecura as it was to Sienn'eirriss. "And so to answer your question, Sienn, you're assigned to me because I own your new master's cute blue butt and therefore I own you." Pausing, she thought for a moment before wincing and amending that statement. "Considering where you both came from, that was a poor choice of words. Aayla is assigned to me and since you're assigned to her, that means that you're effectively assigned to me and so I can give you orders too. Don't worry, I'm a cool boss."

Aaylas'ecura let out a faint snort at that before rising to her feet, utilizing telekinesis to rearrange the room's chairs a bit and opening a hole to Sienn'eirriss's left that she quickly filled with her own chair before taking a seat once more. "That's debatable, Cordelia. Although the uniforms are a step up from what the Jedi offer, both in terms of quality and style." Sienn had been wondering about that; since the last time she'd seen the older Twi'lek, Aaylas'ecura had switched to wearing a new, higher quality Sullustan leather outfit in the same shade of purple as Cordelia's robes. "By the way, get used to being Sienn. She tried to be more culturally sensitive, but it turns out she's terrible at pronouncing Twi'lek names. I felt this was safer."

The newly dubbed Sienn offered a tentative smile in reply even as she shuddered internally. Properly split to form a galactic standard polynym - as Cordelia was doing, thankfully - her name meant 'maiden'. Some of the other ways her name could be split… Sienn would have been terrified to repeat them in polite company. "I'll try? Since I'm guessing from your expression that you didn't request me as a padawan… do you know what's going on?"

"I'm terrible at being a master, just ask my Sirens. If I had to guess? Cordelia has a use for you and since I'm the only knight in the group and I have no official padawan, she took advantage of that." Aayla eyed Sienn appraisingly before leaning back in her seat. "From what I've read about you, she's probably after the same skills that got you assigned to Kamino in the first place. Mechu macture? Mechu deru? The Valkyries would definitely benefit from someone with your affinity for technology…"

Sienn sat up a bit straighter at that, a faint smile on her lips. Given the decidedly dark origins of mechu deru and the affiliation of the better part of its past practitioners, the majority of her fellow Jedi were prone to giving her - and others show shared her skills - a wide berth. Those who didn't tended to fall into three distinct categories: wizened old masters, fellow outcasts, and those who allowed their hormones and appreciation for her form to overrule their good sense. Sienn had known for a long time that Cordelia was a member of the second group, but- "Given her proclivities, I was honestly expecting you to tell me that I'd been recruited for my looks."

Snorting softly, Aayla reached over and patted the top of Sienn's head gently. "Yes, Cordelia buys me expensive leather outfits with cleavage windows because she values my skill with a lightsaber. I figured that was a given, my new padawan."

"What can I say? Unlike the rest of the Jedi Order, I think it's possible to be awesome and look awesome at the same time." Rising to her feet, Cordelia activated her datapad and looked around the room. "Alright, while we obviously won't have final assignments until the masters are done planning our defensive strategy? You're going to be assigned as pairs around the city, and I'm going to pair you off now so that you can get to know each other better. How you do that is up to you; just make sure you're ready to fight together by the time the Separatists arrive. Without further ado? Hiskari is with me because she's the only other person who knows as much as I do about… certain things… and I might need a spare set of hands with that knowledge. Chadaara, you're with Ahsoka for obvious reasons."

Ahsoka crossed her arms over her chest as she regarded her new partner warily. "Just… try not to bite any of the droids. I feel like that would end terribly."

Looking up from the twin lightsabers that she was tinkering with, Chadaara snorted. "I make no promises."

"Moving on. Dien'vi, I'm going to put you with-"

"The remarkably well-Shaped one." The low, almost gravely voice made Sienn jump before looking over to find a pair of intent blue eyes staring at her. "I wish to be paired with her."

Cordelia frowned, looking back and forth between Dien'vi and Sienn uncertainly. "I kinda need you to be the immovable object between the invaders and Helse. Helse, you may be one of the best Niman practitioners in the order… but that's because literally every Jedi who brought Niman to that arena in Geonosis died. I'd have to be an idiot to send you out there without someone to protect you while you work your magic. Dien'vi, I need you to be that protection."

Reaching up to toy with the end of her thick plait of pale blond hair, Helse offered a faint shrug. "No offense taken, Cordelia. I long ago learned the value of relying on others for my personal protection. This will be no different."

"By your own logic, Sienn will be equally in need of protection during the coming battle because she is also a Niman practitioner. More so, actually, given that according to their dossiers, Helse is further along the path to mastering Niman than Sienn is." Rising from her seat, Dien'vi slowly circled around to stand behind Sienn, resting her hands on the Murexan Twi'lek's shoulders. "I will protect her."

Sienn met Cordelia's curious gaze with wide eyes before shrugging helplessly. The entire thing seemed surreal to her; since when did anyone actually want her, much less argue over her? After letting her gaze bounce back and forth between Sienn and Dien'vi several times, Cordelia's brow rose. "Uh… huh. And just out of curiosity, what caste would our little purple padawan here be if she was one of your kind, Dien'vi?"

"I don't see how that's relevant."

"And I have some waterfront property on the Great Western Sea that I can sell you." Cordelia rolled her eyes and tapped at her datapad for a few seconds before waving dismissively in Sienn and Dien'vi's direction. "Well if it's like that, then? Far be it from me to stand in your way. Dien'vi and Sienn. Helse, you get Aayla. We'll meet back here in… let's go with three hours. Class dismissed."

As the other Jedi began to pair off and leave the conference room, Aayla mouthing 'we'll talk later' before shooting her a knowing smile and taking off in pursuit of Cordelia, Sienn craned her neck and stared up at Dien'vi. "So…"

Finally removing her hands from Sienn's shoulders, Dien'vi circled around in front of the Twi'lek and offered her a hand, pulling the smaller girl to her feet. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have been looking forward to this moment since I read the dossier that Master Kenobi sent me."

The first thing to run through Sienn's mind was that Dien'vi was positively massive, especially if she was still growing the way most beings their age were. Already, she was taller than even Master Skywalker, who towered over Sienn herself by a full foot. That was quickly followed by the realization that she wasn't quite as cosmopolitan as she'd thought; Sienn had no idea what species the heavily armored and tattooed girl was, or where she might possibly hail from. Then the young woman's words actually registered, quickly combining with Dien'vi referring to her as 'well-shaped' to make her narrow her eyes suspiciously. "Oh really? And why is that?"

"You are a masterfully Shaped specimen, even among a people who have a long history of altering themselves. You have superior visual and auditory acuity, higher lung capacity and a significantly improved oxygen extraction rate than baseline Twi'leks, your pigmentation is significantly richer than other Murexan Twi'lek without displaying a hint of muddiness or streaking… if I had kidneys, I would be envious of how efficient yours are." Leaning in, Dien'vi gently brushed an armored fingertip over Sienn's cheekbone. "They even found a way to make your macules perfectly symmetrical. Outstanding work."

As far as compliments went, all of those were new. Most people tended to pay attention to the more obvious changes caused by her former owner's genetic tampering, and were considerably less appropriate when it came to sharing their appreciation. Hmm. If one wanted to glorify what doctors and scientists did, Sienn could see how it might be thought of as 'shaping' a person. That raised some very interesting questions about Dien'vi and her people, but made things slightly less uncomfortable for the Twi'lek. At least until Dien'vi began running a fingertip up and down the bridge of her nose slightly, making Sienn cough lightly and then take a step to the side, putting some distance between them. "Thank you. I feel like I should apologize; when you called me 'well-shaped', I immediately assumed that you were talking about-"

"Your body's marked overproduction of glandular and adipose tissue to increase your attractiveness to the majority of the galaxy's mammalian species?" Dien'vi offered the slightest of smiles as her pale blue eyes dropped down to Sienn's chest for a moment before rising once more to meet the Twi'lek's surprised gaze. "I was trying to be more respectful than some of your other admirers. That does not mean that I have not noticed, or that I do not appreciate their work in that area as well."

Well then. While the return to familiar territory was somewhat welcome, because at least Sienn knew how to react to it… if there was a way to make being buxom sound even less attractive, she hadn't heard it nor did she desire to. Casting about for a new, less awkward topic of conversation, she found herself thinking back to a particular bit of her new companions' exchange with Cordelia that still didn't make any sense to her. "Why did Cordelia ask you about me and castes?"

Again, Dien'vi's cheeks flushed a darker shade of grey as she looked away from Sienn's inquisitive gaze. "Inter-caste relationships are strictly forbidden among my people. The punishment for engaging in one is death. Cordelia knows this because when she propositioned me, I demurred for that reason. While relationships are forbidden among the Jedi with few exceptions, I have decided that I will apply my people's beliefs to any dalliances I may choose to indulge in."

While Sienn was hardly the most socially adept or sophisticated padawan in the galaxy, even she could put two and two together and get four. "However your people define castes, she wouldn't be a member of yours but I would. And so given what she knows about you, that has Cordelia assuming that the rest of us are as… liberated… as she is, and that your interest in me is more than platonic."

"She would not be entirely wrong." Dien'vi offered a crooked grin as her gaze returned to Sienn's shocked face. "We are at war; I have realized that Cordelia is right in suggesting that I 'seize the day' and pursue new experiences when I have the opportunity because I might not get another chance to. In this particular case, I am not adverse to seizing the day, I just have no intention of seizing her day."

"But you'd be interested in seizing my day?"

"I can think of far worse days to seize."

"Just to clarify, that is in fact a metaphor for us having sex, right?"

"Correct."

"Huh. Let me, uh, get back to you on that." Taking a step back, Sienn cast about for a safe change of topic, only to remember the excuse - or at least she hoped it was an excuse - that Dien'vi had used to get closer to her. "Although for future reference, you probably shouldn't insult a girl whose day you're hoping to seize. I'm hardly helpless; the only reason Helse is significantly ahead of me in lightsaber combat…" Sienn twisted and summoned her lightsaber from where it rested against the wall; given its size compared to her diminutive height, she generally chose to wear it in a sheath on her back which in turn made sitting through meetings remarkably uncomfortable. The long, black and silver hilt slapped against her palm and then she spun back around to face Dien'vi, using the Force to trigger the internal activation switches and ignite a greenish-yellow blade from each end of her saberstaff. "…is because she's working with a standard saber while I'm learning how to use this."

Dien'vi's eyes widened momentarily in surprise as she took in the unusual weapon, and then she reached out and slapped at one of the blades harshly. The move weakened Sienn's two-handed grip on the hilt enough that the larger girl could reach in with her free hand and wrench the weapon away from the Twi'lek before stepping back, twirling it with far more grace than Sienn had ever managed. "It would appear that you need to work on more than just your skill in Niman. I can help you, if you'd like."

On one hand, Sienn was a little embarrassed at how easily she'd been disarmed. On the other hand, she really didn't want to die in the upcoming battle... or any battle after that. So swallowing her pride, she nodded slowly before jerking her head at the door. "…considering what you just did, I can't exactly say no to an offer like that. There's no time like the present, I suppose, since she gave us three hours before we're supposed to meet back here. A bit of training and then maybe we can grab a meal together? Discuss this whole 'seizing' idea of yours?"

"I would enjoy that."


	22. Mommy Knows Best

Joe's Note: This was one of the original chapters dating back all the way to the first draft of the story; I had to adjust it once I realized that the cloning cylinders mentioned in the Heir to the Empire trilogy and the ones used on Kamino weren't the same thing. With the addition of Hero of Cartao and other content, I've had to make a second round of major changes that leave me… somewhere in between the original version and the revised version. I've also had to make significant tweaks to reflect the existence of Secura's Sirens, the characters introduced last chapter, and my changes to the overall membership of the Valkyries. Hopefully this revision came out at least as good as the last version, if not better. Enjoy.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

 _Following close behind Taun We, Cordelia looked around curiously as she was led between two rows of glass tubes, similar but not quite identical to the cloning cylinders she'd seen all over Tipoca City. Here in neighboring Timira City, though, everything seemed a bit… darker. The lighting was a bit dimmer and had a distinct blue tint to it, the rooms were darker shades of grey, the cloning equipment seemed a bit more primitive with cables and tubes snaking every which way along the floor… it all seemed so very ominous and secretive. A bit like Taun We herself at the moment. "…while we are known for our more holistically-raised clones, we do not have nine years to spare waiting for clones of you to mature. Accordingly, we've reached out to our Khommite brethren to acquire some of their technology, such as cloning tanks and memory transfer equipment."_

 _"And if I was Fred, this might actually be interesting but…" Cordelia sighed as Taun We eyed her. "…right, nobody in this universe knows who Fred is. Reference fail. Okay, just substitute 'Anakin Skywalker' for 'Fred' and you'll get where I was going with this. My point is that as fascinating as this undoubtedly is to geeks, I'm not one. What does it have to do with anything, why are you showing it to me, et cetera and so on and so forth."_

 _Taun We spread her arms wide, gesturing to the softly burbling tanks that surrounded them on all sides. "Simply put, Master Jedi? It takes us a standard decade to produce each clonetrooper. While the war may very well still be going on a decade from now, taking so long to deliver the first of your clones - especially given their intended use - is simply unacceptable to us. And so while we will begin separate production of a limited number of standard clones using your genetic material, we would like permission for initial production to take place using the faster working Khommite cylinders we have available to us."_

 _While she hadn't been able to find information on the planet Kamino, Cordelia had been able to dredge the Jedi Archives for a great deal of information about cloning, both Kaminoan and other. Evidently whoever had removed the location of Kamino from the archives hadn't thought to touch the biology section. Unlike the Kaminoan process, where the clones were born and grew at double speed but still needed to be raised, educated, and trained, the Khommites could grow an adult body in a tenth that time. Given that they cloned people for the purpose of ensuring the unchanging, timeless nature of their society, though… "You need to download my mind so that they don't pop out as blank slates."_

 _"It is… if not a necessity, then highly preferable, yes. Their medical and military training will come from outside memories drawn from highly-qualified individuals, but unless you willingly donate your own memories and personality, we will be faced two equally undesirable alternatives." Showing that she had indeed been spending considerable time around humans, Taun We held up one finger. "The first is that we will find another human female your age to serve as the neural template. If we pursue this option, the clones will look like you but act quite differently, and will likely never gain control over their fledgling connection to the Force." Her other finger rose. "Or, if you are unwilling to cooperate and no suitable alternative donor can be found, we can add the most basic semantic memories to the flash training covering other necessities. It will leave them… cold. Mechanical. Almost droid-like in a single-minded execution of their duties. Soulless, if you believe in such a concept. Little better than the droids they were conceived to replace, at least until they gained considerable life experience."_

 _Eww. Pass. On both counts; as weird as it would be to be surrounded by clones of her who acted just like her would be, Cordelia was pretty sure that clones of her who acted like some random girl would be even more disconcerting. Although both of those options were infinitely preferable to the prospect of a hundred thousand copies of her who contracted a bad case of Summer Glau… oh, that was mean. True, but mean. But yeah, the idea of what were essentially fleshy robot hers? Super creepy. "A mind like this doesn't come cheap, I hope you know…"_

 _"I am certain we can come to some sort of arrangement, Master Jedi…"_

* * *

"I'm going to press the attack, Obi-Wan."

"No, Anakin, wait. It's too easy. Not even Grievous would attack so recklessly."

"Obi-Wan, the battle's up here in space. Not down there."

"Just because you want to feel relevant doesn't make that true, Emokin." Turning away from the plotting board displaying the various debris strikes and their proximity to Tipoca City, Cordelia frowned. "Obi-Wan is right. The debris is too even to be completely natural space trash, but it's not being aimed directly at us. Just near us. Someone is up to something."

Nodding, Obi-Wan Kenobi pushed off of the edge of the holoprojector currently crowded with blue wireframe representations of the planet, its defenders, and the invading fleet. "Glad to know I'm not going crazy, Cordelia. Or crazier, rather. But no, the debris from the destroyed Separatist ships is the key to everything, I'm sure of it." After reaching up to stroke his beard a few times, he shot Shaak Ti a grin. "I think… I'd like to go for a swim."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. Considering Jedi weren't supposed to crave adventure and excitement, Obi-Wan and his former padawan both seemed awful fond of doing things the hard way just for the sake of being the ones doing them. Bringing her hand up to her left ear, she toggled the DH42 headcomm they'd recently integrated into her increasingly complex combat tiara. "Hiskari? You have a go." Receiving confused looks from the two masters in the command center with her, Cordelia shrugged. "We're looking at the invasion of a water world here, people. They make waterproof droids. What are the odds the Separatists don't have them? Especially considering they have every other kind of droid known to man in their army? Unlike Obi-Wan, Hiskari's lightsaber is set up with a bifurcating cyclical ignition pulse, making her the obvious choice for underwater ops. Well, that and the whole 'she's a Nautolan' thing. The techs here helped me put together… well, it's basically a rescue can with a motor strapped to each side. Works on the surface and underwater too. I think she broke forty with it the other night while practicing."

"And I dare say a five foot tall Nautolan with… whatever it is that you've invented… has a much higher chance of going undetected than a submarine. Ingenious." Bringing his wrist up, Obi-Wan toggled his own comlink. "Anakin, we'll have eyes on a potential target soon. Prepare to disengage and return to the surface if necessary."

Speaking of reinforcements… Cordelia reached up and fiddled with her headcomm, rotating the secondary transmitter array to a specific frequency so she could check on another project of hers while she waited for her girlfriend to report back. Four hours ago, a very special LAAT/i had departed Tipoca City under her direction, carrying Aayla, her temporary partner, and a squad of ARC troopers. If things were about to start getting nasty… " _Queen C_ , this is Cordelia Prime. Location and ETA?"

There was a crackle of static, a pop, and then… her own voice came back across the channel at her. "One of the Timira City hangars, current ETA unknown. My sisters and I are sitting here with a few gallons of paint thinner trying to scrub the nose of the ship clean, because there's no way we're going to be seen riding in this thing as-is. Seriously, Mom, naming a ship after yourself is narcissistic enough. Was the nose art really necessary?"

And so it began. But while the majority of Jedi - and most of the rest of this galaxy, even - were confounded by her behavior and unsure of how to handle her, Cordelia was well-versed in the art of subjugating and training minions. Granted it had been literally a lifetime since she'd had to do it and so she was a little rusty, but she figured it'd all come back to her quickly enough. "It's not my fault you guys have a hot mom. Oh wait. It is. Oh well. Although the nose art seriously isn't my fault; the clones painted up a dozen different Larties with designs based on me before I even got here. I just picked the best one of the bunch and had it renamed." There was some faint grumbling from the other end and then a chime indicating activity on the other frequency she was monitoring. "Seriously, though, I didn't send Aayla over to grab you because I wanted to be beside myself. Actual location and ETA? Force composition?"

"Lifting off now, which puts us at thirty minutes out according to Colt. One squad of the real thing, three squads of the cheap knockoffs. They're organizing us like spec ops, so four and twelve respectively."

"Thank you." Cordelia rolled her eyes as she flipped back over to the channel Hiskari was on. "Go ahead."

When Hiskari spoke, her voice had a slightly 'off' quality to it; Cordelia wasn't sure whether it was due to the fact that her girlfriend was wearing a comlink that utilized a laryngophone, that Hiskari was talking to her from deep underwater, or both. Something to experiment with later, perhaps? "Not sure on the final tally yet because the pieces are still falling, but I'm counting a dozen _Trident_ -class assault ships so far and they're still going. There are aqua droids deployed to weld them back together and I have no idea what's being carried inside the ships but I imagine 'droids' is a fairly safe bet. I…" There was a pause and then several muffled oaths in what Cordelia was pretty sure was Anselmian. "They're starting to move out. Was 'how to defend from an underwater assault' covered in a briefing I missed, or are we in serious trouble?"

"We've got it, sweetie. Just hang tight, watch for a gap, and escape when you can. Cordelia out."

* * *

Grunting, Havoc hooked his hands under the arms of one of his fallen brothers and began pulling him backward towards cover as streaks of blue and red continued to fly past over his head. He'd already radioed for an IM-6 to be dispatched to their location but if they couldn't clear out the hostiles before it got here, he knew the droid's self-preservation programming would keep it from venturing onto the battlefield. After all, a droid programmed to help as many people as possible couldn't help anyone if it was blown to bits…

Motion out of the corner of his eye made Havoc turn and look back over his left shoulder before groaning as he watched Ninety-Nine stumble along handing out large DC-15A blaster rifles to his fellow clones, supplementing the DC-15S blasters they normally carried. "Ninety-Nine, get out of here! This is no place for you!" It wasn't a place for him, either, Havoc soon found out as a blaster bolt caught him in the chest, picking him up and throwing him back a few paces to land at Ninety-Nine's feet. Groaning in pain, he raised his own blaster rifle and put a shot directly into the optics of the droid that had managed to lay him out. Payback was a bitch. And if he was going to die today… if the droids were going to make it past this spot? He was going to make them pay for every inch of ground they took from him and his brothers. "I said go, Ninety-Nine! That's an or-"

The rest of his words were drowned out as the assault ship lodged in the doors of the hangar bay abruptly exploded, its brother in the ceiling following suit a few seconds later. As the battle came to an abrupt halt, with both the clonetroopers and droids staring up at the ragged hole in disbelief, a LAAT/i flew past overhead before circling around and drifting to a stop in front of the ragged hole that had been torn in the side of the bay. The starboard door slid open and white-clad figures began leaping across the gap into the hangar… but not all of them were the white-clad figures that Havoc was used to. Some of them were smaller… slimmer… female. Helmetless. Brunettes. The clonetrooper's eyes widened; everyone on Tipoca City had heard the rumors but he hadn't put much stock in them personally. Evidently he'd been wrong.

When the first four clones of Commander Chase to enter the bay ignited blue-bladed lightsabers of their own, the tide of battle changed in an instant. They moved as two pairs with the speed that Havoc had come to associate with Jedi in battle, twirling around and leaping over each other if they were one mind operating two bodies, felling every droid that crossed their path with apparent ease. Havoc and his brothers found themselves relegated to the role of spectators as the women worked, clearing the entire bay of opponents by the time the last of the reinforcements landed. Making their way over to where General Secura was waiting with their sisters and the ARC troopers, the quartet sketched a bow before gesturing as one to the mess that they'd made of the droid forces. "I saw. Not bad, ladies. Not bad at all."

"If we work that well together on the battlefield…"

"…imagine what we could do to you in bed." Even as Secura sputtered indignantly, the two clones who'd spoken exchanged high fives. The leftmost clone - Havoc had mentally dubbed her Puffy because her hair was a bit wilder than any of the others' - looked around before letting out a loud noise of disgust. "Who do I talk to about applying for the job of Head Interior Designer around here? Because this place definitely needs some help, and that's even after you get rid of the droid bits, corpses, and smoking debris. Seriously, endless miles of grey plating? So uninspired. And I'm pretty sure we look like Snooki under all these red emergency lights, not to mention that it turns our armor pink and we're so not pink people…"

Secura reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose at that, sighing in exasperation. "By the stars. I knew it was going to be bad, but there's bad and then there's… this." Slipping between the two center clones, the Twi'lek surveyed the hangar bay for a few seconds and then began barking orders. "Naught-One and Naught-Two, you're with me. Naught-Three and Naught-Four, you're going to be the rearguard with Helse. Medics, fan out and… well, do your job. There's plenty of injured men here and I'd like to see how many we can get up and moving before we push onward. The more guns we have, the easier this will be for all of us."

Given that he'd taken a shot to the chest just before they arrived, Havoc quickly found his supine body surrounded by not one or even two, but no less than three of the identical clonemedics. Unlike the lightsaber-wielding Naught units, they appeared to be armed with only the same DC-17 heavy blaster pistol that ARC troopers fielded. Kneeling at his left, one of the three ran a scanner over his chest before clucking her tongue. "Oh man, this guy's a bigger mess than Buffy's roots."

"I'm pretty sure anyone who's that big of a mess is beyond our ability to help." That came from the medic on the right who was closer to his head than her sister, and it left him wondering… Buffy? Who or what was a Buffy? As Havoc lay there, the trio worked as almost as efficient a team as the Naught pairs had, retrieving everything they needed from their shared medkit before getting to work removing his chest armor so they could treat his injury. Once that was done, the woman to the right of his head glanced to her side and then froze, meeting the curious gaze of her sister. "…what?"

"This is going to sound weird, but have we met before? You look familiar for some reason…"

Oh, for the love of…


	23. Turning the Tide

Joe's Note: I thought I was gonna make it through the Battle of Kamino in only three chapters. I was wrong. So have more glimpses from the running battle on Tipoca City, including what Obi-Wan's padawan gets up to, what happens when you pit Asajj against a Jedi who hasn't tried and failed to bring her in a dozen times by this point, and what would have happened to General Grievous several times over the course of the CGI series when he ran into if they hadn't needed to ensure his survival for the sake of _Revenge of the Sith_ … Spoiler alert: things go poorly.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

"I maintain that this borders on heretical behavior…"

"Do you still want to try that whole seizing thing with me at some point?"

"…yes."

"Then shut up and load your bugs into this thing." Sienn was fairly impressed with her latest invention: a compressed air cannon that could accelerate her new friend's various living weapons to just within their tolerances, considerably amplifying the damage they caused on impact. It also gave them a magazine of more than two - Dien'vi's left hand and her right - and greatly increased their rate of fire. Considering that most of Kamino's clonetroopers were equipped with blaster carbines rather than the larger blaster rifles necessary to take down more advanced droids in a single shot? Sienn had a feeling that her new toy was going to be very necessary in the battle to come.

Her prediction was borne out as one of the _Trident_ -class assault ships leapt up onto the nearby landing platform, disgorging three dozen aqua droids in a matter of seconds. While almost comically ungainly on land, they were roughly as hardy as the more common B2 battle droids that the Separatists fielded, which meant that the clonetroopers were both outnumbered and underpowered. As the first clones fell to the withering hail of red blaster bolts, Dien'vi turned to Sienn and held out her hand. "May I borrow your lightsaber?"

Frowning, Sienn drew her saberstaff from the sheath on her back and stared at it uncertainly for a few seconds before handing it to the Yiwaahn Vong. "I thought you didn't like it because it was pure technology?"

"For a weapon that will let me cut these abominations down twice as fast? I will make an exception." Dien'vi offered a faint smirk as she ignited the dual blades before spinning on her heel and stomping off to join the failing clonetrooper line. Absorbing two blaster bolts with her body, she spun her borrowed lightsaber to deflect a third bolt headed for her face before letting out a roar of challenge and backhanding the offending droid so hard that it sailed clear across the platform and over the edge. "Welcome the embrace of Yun-Yammka!"

"Moon and stars!" While she'd seen vids of Dien'vi's martial prowess, getting to witness it firsthand was something else entirely. Sienn watched in amazement as Dien'vi set upon the droids with the ferocity of a nexu, using a combination of Sienn's saberstaff and brute force to carve through the opposition with incredible ease. Then the assault ship made a grinding noise, retracting its deployment rack. If it was anything like an AAT or the other Separatist carriers… Sienn narrowed her eyes before slapping her palm down against the top of her air cannon. Digging into the cobbled together systems with her aptitude for mechu daru, she quickly fed it a targeting solution and spun the drum magazine to bring a blast bug into the chamber. There was a low thump as it fired, accelerating one of Dien'vi's explosive bugs to just below the speed of sound. It crossed the gap in an instant, slamming into the ship and detonating violently. The main body of the ship slammed to the deck, shuddering as it was rocked by secondary explosions, the four legs slumping to lie limply atop it. "…well that worked better than I'd planned."

Dien'vi skidded to a stop as she bisected the last aqua droid, looking around wildly before slumping as she realized the battle - at least for the moment - was over. "I was hoping to kill the rest of the droids that the ship was carrying. You blew them up before I could."

Powering up the hoversled that she'd mounted her creation on, Sienn fed it a new set of coordinates and sent it on its way before turning to address Dien'vi's complaint. "You mean I destroyed the Separatist assault ship before it could deliver reinforcements, reducing our losses to a mere five clones?"

"…well, I suppose that you could instead choose to see it that way, yes…"

* * *

"I was beginning to think my presence went unnoticed…"

Cordelia smirked as Asajj Ventress turned to face her, leaning casually against the doorframe with an ignited lightsaber in each hand. The Dathomiri looked distinctly surprised to see her, which was quite at odds with her almost casually smug greeting. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you thinking that you'd get to play with Emokin again? Sorry, girlfriend, but it's time to trade up to the big leagues now." The brunette watched as her opponent hooked the DNA sample pod to her belt before drawing her own twin sabers, igniting their blood red blades and quickly settling into a ready stance. "By the way, while I generally disapprove of killing the clonetroopers because, well, Jedi? That bit with the ARC trooper was inspired. Grab, pull, stab, steal the dying kiss? I may have to use it if you guys ever manage to find a living opponent to send against me. Kissing a robot just seems… desperate."

That seemed to throw the woman even more off-balance than her mere existence had, but Asajj managed to shake it off quickly enough and offer Cordelia a smirk of her own as she sauntered forward. "I wasn't aware that Jedi made a habit of Force choking their opponents…"

"As a rule? They don't." While she could use the Force in more and more ways without resorting to physical mnemonics, choking people was still new enough to Cordelia that she had to gesture. And to be honest, she preferred it that way: it was a lot more intimidating when people knew exactly what was happening and why. Extinguishing the lightsaber in her right hand, she dropped it to the floor carelessly before thrusting her hand out in Asajj's direction. She went for the pull before the squeeze, reeling the pale woman in and leaving Asajj suspended in the air as she clawed fruitlessly at the invisible hand around her neck. "Darth Sidious sends his regards."

Asajj's grey eyes went even wider at those words, and then she was flying backward into the column in the center of the room as Cordelia grew tired of trying to maintain her Force choke. Plus her hand was starting to cramp, holding it in that weird exaggerated gripping position. As she forced herself to her feet, gasping for breath and rubbing the back of one hand over her throat, Asajj stared at Cordelia in disbelief. "But you're the supreme chancellor's pet Jedi. How can you-"

Taking advantage of having a free hand for the time being, Cordelia buried her face in her right palm before letting out an exasperated groan. "Yes, because that's not a position that a Sith Lord would want his apprentice in. At all. I swear, I should just officially defect and take over the Confederacy because you're all idiots. How you haven't completely lost the war yet through sheer incompetence, I have no idea." Pfft, as if she ever would. One of the many things that she'd learned from Palpatine was that with supreme power came far, far too much paperwork. That and she was pretty sure that the Confederacy's leadership was deliberately incompetent because his plans involved a leaner, meaner Republic coming out on top in the end. "Listen, you've got the kind of courageous-slash-tragic backstory that could fuel a young adult novel series for years. But… if I exist, that means that Dooku's days are numbered. Darth Tyranus. Whatever. When he dies - probably at my hand, because that's how Sith roll - what do you think is going to happen to his 'problematic from a Rule of Two perspective' apprentice? That would be you, if you didn't realize."

"I assume this is your weak attempt at doing a 'join me or die' speech?"

"I'd offer to be frank with you, but I'm much better at being Cordelia. Right now? There are no less than eleven Jedi in Tipoca City, including two masters and two knights. We also just took delivery of the first shipment of me-clones, meaning that you don't just have to beat one of me… you have to beat five of me. And I didn't include them in the count, so technically there's actually fifteen Jedi in the city." Cordelia made a tugging gesture, liberating the DNA sample pod from Asajj's belt and pulling it through the air to her right hand, which promptly locked it into place at the small of her back before summoning her inert lightsaber from where it had been resting on the floor. "You can run around with Grievous, cause a bit of havoc, and probably end up shot, stabbed, and/or sliced to death by the end of this battle… or yeah, you can join me. Fair warning: I'm probably going to use a follicle stimulator on you if you join my team because some women look hot bald but you are not one of those women."

Narrowing her eyes, Asajj lunged forward and brought her twin sabers crashing down against Cordelia's hasty block, forcing the brunette back a step. "If you weren't operating from the shadows, perhaps. But I have absolutely no desire to pretend to be a good little girl so that I can fit in among all your Jedi friends. Also, I'm rather fond of my current look."

Cordelia sighed and shook her head despondently before making a Force-assisted leap backward into the hallway. Asajj lunged after her, and was promptly caught between twin stun blasts as the clonetroopers bracketing the doorway opened fire. "I was honestly not expecting it to be that easy. Guess Anakin isn't the only one who's terrible at minding his surroundings." The clones chuckled at that, one of them pulling out a pair of stun cuffs only to pause when Cordelia held up her hand. "Her story isn't supposed to end here, boys. Drag her outside and toss her into the ocean. If she doesn't wake up… well, I guess that's the will of the Force. Or something."

While their upbringing inherently made them defer to Jedi, evidently that only went so far. "Ma'am? Are you sure? She ranks just below Dooku and Grievous on the list of people that Republic Intelligence wants to interrogate. She could have critical intelligence on-"

"You're thinking inappropriate thoughts about her breasts, your brother keeps sneaking glances at her ass, and her brain contains absolutely nothing of use to the war effort. Trust me." Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing the pair imperiously until they finally gave in, grabbing Asajj by the arms and dragging her insensate body away down the hall. "Thank you! If any of my guys die today, I'll keep you in mind when I look for replacements!" She knew she'd catch shit for that decision at some point, but at the end of the day? There was a very delicate balancing act going on at the moment, and the last thing she and Palpatine needed was Asajj opening her mouth and destabilizing that very careful balance. That and, well, Cordelia still held out hope that she could secure the woman's loyalty at some point because Asajj's talents were being wasted under Dooku.

And she really, really deserved a makeover.

* * *

"All too easy…"

As the mixture of clonetroopers and cadets retreated into their barrack according to the plan they'd devised and shared with him, Obi-Wan emerged from the shadows at the end of the hall. "Define 'easy', General."

Grievous turned to face him, the Kaleesh cyborg's eyes narrowing in a hatred that Obi-Wan knew was far more personal than the simmering anger he held for most of the Order. It was a hatred he was counting on, both to draw the cyborg away from the clones and to keep him from realizing that he was being drawn into a trap. "Kenobi!"

Igniting his lightsaber, Obi-Wan spun it before settling into a ready stance, sinking into the Force as he prepared for yet another of their frenetic, draining duels. When Grievous countered by igniting a pair of lightsabers - one blue, one green - Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes: the green-bladed saber had a different hilt from the one that Grievous had wielded against him when last they met. Another trophy from another victim. Another crime for him to pay for. In a move directly contrary to his Soresu training, Obi-Wan decided to strike first, lunging in and thrusting his lightsaber toward the Kaleesh's chest. What followed was typical of their battles, with Grievous trying to substitute pure speed and strength for true skill, allowing Obi-Wan to keep up with a dizzying flurry of slashes from both of his opponent's sabers.

Back and forth the went, until Obi-Wan heard a strange noise as he held both of Grievous's blades at bay in a lock. The cyborg's left arm split in half, three fingers wiggling experimentally before racing forward at his face. Before it could reach its target, though, Obi-Wan felt a slender form press against his back and then a brilliant blue blade erupted over his right shoulder, stabbing through the palm of the approaching hand and making Grievous howl. "We meet again, Grievous."

"Go ahead, exult in this hollow victory." Shifting from his four-armed configuration back into the more familiar two-armed form, Grievous skittered back a few paces as Aayla moved to stand beside Obi-Wan, drawing and igniting her second lightsaber to try and make things an unfair fight. "The day is already mine: Kamino has fallen to my forces. Your clone army is doomed!"

He felt them before he saw them: three presences, two of which were familiar and the fact that there were two of them struck terror into Obi-Wan's heart. "Can you do that last bit again, but this time while you're stroking a white cat?" Strolling casually around the corner, a Cordelia in the new streamlined clonemedic armor smirked before igniting a blue saber. Behind her came Padawan Helse and another copy of Cordelia, also wielding a blue-bladed lightsaber. "But no seriously, you're proper fucked. It's you, Asajj, and a bunch of droids against fifteen Jedi and a whole lot of clones who are really, really angry that you're wrecking their home."

Grievous peered back over his shoulder, his eyes going wide as he let out an angry hiss. "You've begun cloning Jedi now? Very well. It just means more of them for me to kill, even if they are soulless abominations."

"Really? You're literally a sack of shit stuffed inside a robot body and you want to call us soulless abominations?" The trailing clone shook her head mockingly before making a pulling motion, tearing away a chunk of the dark metal cladding to expose the wall's innards. She stabbed her lightsaber into one of the pipes her vandalism revealed, steam hissing out around the blade followed by a torrent of water as the brunette pulled her lightsaber back. "Helse? Do your thing."

Stepping forward, the blonde Hapan narrowed her eyes as she raised both her hands. "The infamous Qymaen jai Sheelal. It's… ice to meet you." As she furrowed her brow in concentration, the growing pool of water between her and Grievous started to freeze over, jagged stalagmites rising up from the floor to accompany her gestures. The twin Cordelias drew up alongside her and began snapping the icy spears free with the Force, spinning them around and launching them at Grievous. As the cyborg staggered backward under the assault, Helse offered him a faint grin and began advancing forward. "Don't go getting cold feet now, General. I'm just getting started…"


	24. A Grievous Insult

Joe's Note: Without a doubt, the singularly most difficult chapter I've ever had to write. Not because of any particular thing that happened; don't worry, I'm not pulling a Martin on you or anything in this chapter. But there are certain things that the English language is poorly equipped to handle, and I discovered another of them while writing this. Yerf. Never doing that again. At any rate, I'm gonna go knock back a drink or three while you guys read this and - hopefully - review.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Janne, Eric, DireSquirrel, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Joel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

One second, Hiskari was rocketing gracefully upward through the air as she proved her old master wrong about what would happen if one used the Force to pull on an object too massive and solid to move by herself.

The next, she was plummeting back toward the water underneath a limp, pale, leather-clad form.

Using the Force to adjust her trajectory slightly so that she didn't bounce off any of the unknown but lethally pointy things sticking out of the base of the support pillar she'd surfaced near, Hiskari let herself plunge back into the water and sink beneath the gently rolling waves as she stared up at Asajj Ventress's slack face. She was definitely unconscious, and had been so when she'd hit Hiskari… which made an already weird situation even weirder. A failed escape attempt that had ended with her getting knocked out upon impact with the water, maybe Hiskari could have understood. If she was unconscious during her fall, that likely meant that Asajj had been unconscious when she started falling. But then how had she ended up falling? The only thing that Hiskari could think of was that the woman had been pushed or thrown into the water, but what sort of idiot would have done that rather than detaining her for interrogation?

Suddenly, something very important occurred to Hiskari: unlike her - and Cordelia when they were kissing - Asajj probably couldn't breathe underwater. Kicking her legs, Hiskari surged upward, wrapping her arms around the taller woman's limp form and dragging her along as she breached the surface. Then she rolled Asajj over onto her back, because face down on the surface of the water was just as bad as being face down underwater. Her hand drifted up to the side of her neck, rotating her comlink to Cordelia's private channel before activating it. "Cordelia? You'll never believe what just happened to me…"

* * *

"Kinda busy, sweetie!"

Busy being led on a merry chase through the city, Cordelia thought sourly as she extinguished her twin purple blades and took off in pursuit of Grievous once more. No less than five times now, Grievous had led them into a dense clump of battle droids, waiting patiently as his opponents carved their way through his minions before scuttling off again and forcing them to resume the chase. Each time, his path had taken him past another Jedi or one of the pairs that Cordelia had organized, drawing them into the increasingly chaotic chase. By now, Cordelia was well aware of what he was doing: collecting as many of the city's Force-using defenders as he could and drawing them away from where he thought Asajj was. Or perhaps away from the escape route she was supposed to be using? Either way, he was deliberately engaging Jedi and then leading them away from where they'd been stationed, drawing out a 'battle' that he definitely couldn't win… but had absolutely no intention of fighting.

Unfortunately, while she had overall command of the Valkyries - and their temporarily attached padawans of both the _Tethys_ and Tipoca-bound varieties - Cordelia had agreed to defer to Aayla's far greater experience when it came to ground combat and the Twi'lek seemed to share Obi-Wan's hard-on for chasing Grievous. If she hadn't known for a fact that the DNA archive library was secure and that Asajj had been defeated, knocked unconscious, and chucked into the ocean on her orders? Cordelia might have been worried. As it stood, she was just really annoyed. And really tired of running around the city.

"Coruscant face with the Ryloth booty!"

"Baby got back!"

…at least her clones were having a good time. Cordelia shot a glance to her left and then another to her right at One and Two before shaking her head; considering that they'd been flashed with a copy of her mind made well after she settled down with Hiskari, she had no idea why they were so obsessed with Aayla. Which wasn't to say that Aayla wasn't hot, because she was. Cordelia turned her gaze forward, admiring the leather-clad ass in front of her as Aayla led the charge, flanked by Obi-Wan and Dien'vi. An overall amazing body with an ass that you could bounce a credit chip off of? 10/10, Cordelia would definitely recommend the Twi'lek to friends who were single, looking, and blueberry-inclined. But why weren't her clones obsessing over Hiskari, or talking about Hiskari, or… something? Or maybe they secretly were, and their vocal appreciation of Aayla's body was their way of throwing Cordelia off their scent while they plotted to try and steal her girlfriend.

Their girlfriend?

Suddenly, Cordelia found her head filling with all sorts of inane thoughts. Was there any sort of precedent for her situation? Was there a protocol for how to handle one's life after making clones of oneself? While obviously the CM units were cheap, watered down copies of her true magnificence, the CV units - the Naughts, as Aayla had helpfully dubbed them - were for all intents and purposes… her. Did they deserve equal portions of her wealth, since they also remembered earning it? Was she supposed to share Hiskari with them, maybe on some sort of rotating time share schedule system? Why hadn't she thought of any of this before she'd asked to be cloned?

Would fucking one of the Naughts be masturbation, incest, or lesbianism?

If the former, would it remain masturbation if it was her with two or more of the Naughts?

Droplets of water splattering across her face pulled Cordelia from her thoughts and she scowled; the bastard had led them back outside again. Ugh. For that alone, she wanted to disobey Palpatine's direct order and shove a lightsaber through Grievous's face. The humidity on Kamino generally hovered around 90%, meaning that even brief periods outside of the climate-controlled city's walls did horrific things to her hair. She didn't even want to think about what it was doing to her fresh from the tank clones and their less cared for hair; One in particular was already starting to rock a very Eighties poofy, curly mess look.

Waiting for Grievous on the nearby landing platform was a sleek Kaminoan flight pods, one of the orbital - and sometimes even hyperspace - capable ships that the natives used to reach destinations not served by the undersea tram network. And to get to that platform, Grievous had gone scuttling through the singular largest concentration of battle droids that Cordelia had seen that day, including an impressive number of droidekas. As far as endgame moves went, it wasn't bad: the cyborg knew that Obi-Wan at a minimum was as obsessed with him as Grievous was with Obi-Wan, and would draw them into a battle with what appeared to be the entirety of the remaining Separatist forces in hopes of capturing him. That would give Grievous plenty of time to gloat and grandstand while still leaving a comfortable cushion of time in which to escape. Fortunately, his desire to find and harass every Jedi in the city had provided Cordelia a very powerful, insanely useful secret weapon. _'Chadaara. You're up. You, Ahsoka, me, and all four Naughts.'_

 _'That's five times too much of you in my head for my comfort.'_

 _'Funny. Do it anyway.'_

 _'We were supposed to practice this together before-'_

 _'Well, there's no time like the present. Make with the brain fusing.'_

The Togruta's mind brushed against her own, Cordelia welcomed her in, and then suddenly her senses expanded beyond her wildest dreams. Her fourteen sets of eyes gave her an incredible field of vision even as her four montrals provided her with additional information to fill the gaps in her vision. A thought about the potential sexual uses of a Force meld wandered through her mind, quickly followed by a writhing mixture of discomfort, amusement, and curiosity. Could be interesting, she decided. Maybe later. If Hiskari didn't have a problem with the idea, and after the children were gone from the meld. That filled her with a vague sense of outrage which she quickly quashed; as sex-positive as she was, even she had limits and Ahsoka at a minimum was too young for her comfort. Then nine lightsabers ignited in perfect synchronicity as their gestalt mind focused on the problem at hand, and they launched themselves up and over the line formed by Obi-Wan, Aayla, and Dien'vi before throwing themselves at the enemy.

It was a slaughter.

Several times during their running battle, Cordelia had gotten to watch her clones fight together, frequently in pairs and even once as a quartet. She had been incredibly impressed - thank you - by their coordination and fluidity as they worked together to destroy battle droids. But being in a battle meld… it put their efforts to shame. Pfft, let's see you do better. Together, they formed a fourteen-armed whirling dervish of destruction, pooling their knowledge of lightsaber combat to fluidly shift from form to form as the tactical situation demanded.

The first sign that a battle meld was very different from anything she'd ever experienced before was when she found herself - her prime body, since all of their physical forms were her body for the moment - nimbly springing across a series of droidekas in a very Ataru-like fashion, decapitating them as she bounced from body to body with Force-given grace and agility. When she landed, she stabbed her last victim again for good measure before blindly hurling it into the side of a B2 who had been lining up a shot at another of her bodies' back, crushing it to death. A few droids later, she found herself playing Musical Lightsabers, lightsabers swapping back and forth between her various bodies as she determined who needed what and adjusted accordingly. Her prime body found itself in possession of one of the Naughts' mass produced sabers for a bit, then wielding Chadaara's odd, tonfa-inspired twin sabers as her taller Togruta body took up two of the clones' sabers and the Naughts they belonged to split Cordelia's curved lightsabers between them.

Huh. The tonfas were actually more functional than Cordelia had anticipated when she first saw Chadaara with them, obviously because why else would she have put the time and effort into building them? And while she was no Grievous, using the handles to spin them made for a pretty decent blaster bolt deflection strategy and she felt ashamed for never having thought of that herself. Cordelia still wanted to make a lightwhip for herself at some point - probably a shoto too, which she'd probably need to ask Skyguy's old master to teach her how to use - but maybe she'd put tonfas on her weapon to-do list for after that?

Would it count as masturbation to have sex with Chadaara while in the meld?

That was really inappropriate.

Which was why she shouldn't meld with children.

She was a padawan, thank you very much, not a youngling.

Still a kid.

Not a kid.

Cordelia stumbled to a stop as Chadaara abruptly terminated their meld… not that they needed it anymore. The entirety of Grievous's droid bulwark lay in smoldering pieces on the decking, the Kaleesh cyborg staring at them in a mixture of awe and hatred. Which was understandable: they'd just done something really fucking awesome, but had fucked his plans up good in the process. Not really in the mood to listen to a villain monologue, Cordelia glanced down at her hands and decided that Chadaara's weapons would do for now before striding confidently down the remainder of the walkway toward the landing platform. "It's over, Grievous. You lose."

"Not today, not even a little." Grievous let out a cackle that turned into a hacking cough, forcing him to grip the edge of the flight pod for support as he tried to catch his breath. When he was done, he drew himself back up to full height and glared at Cordelia. "These droids, the assault ships, even the destroyers and frigates in orbit… it can all be replaced. But while you've been busy with me, my people have done irrevocable damage to the Republic war effort. In winning this battle, you have ensured that we will win the war!"

Before Cordelia could respond, Grievous dove into the flight pod and sealed it, lifting off and accelerating away even as one of the few remaining _Trident_ -class assault ship tore the platform loose and dragged it along as it plummeted back down into the ocean. Hopefully, the brunette mused, he would think to check for Asajj's homing beacon and swoop in to pull her out of the ocean before making for orbit. Otherwise, it was going to be a lot harder for her to keep that particular piece on the board for Palpatine's pla- the flight pod abruptly detonated, a Z-95-AF4 Headhunter emblazoned with purple markings swooping through the flames before doing a barrel roll as it passed overhead. Close behind it came the remaining eleven fighters that Cordelia had procured for the _Ouranos_ , and then her radio crackled. "That was an enemy, right? Not you guys seeing off someone who was headed up to rejoin the fleet in orbit? Oh stars, did I just blow up General Skywalker?"

"No, uh, that was Grievous. Good job, Amayra. You just took out one of the most dangerous people in the Confederacy."

"I… come again? I just did what?"

To be honest, Cordelia was right there with her.

* * *

Calmly floating on her back beside Asajj, Hiskari lazily turned her head to stare at the ball of fire that had previously been the flight pod that the Dathomiri had gotten so excited by. "So. That just happened." Turning back to Asajj, she arched a brow curiously at the pale-skinned woman. "I don't suppose you've rethought Cordelia's offer to come join the Valkyries, have you? Because I feel like that would end better than her plan to visit Dathomir and recruit a witch as an anti-Asajj countermeasure. You're crazy and dangerous, but at least you're a known quantity of each."

Asajj simply scowled before shifting her body so that she was floating atop the gentle waves once more. "The only reason I haven't killed you yet is that I'm not stupid enough to engage an opponent when their lightsaber is functional and both of mine are not."

"So that's a no, then? Because seriously, you would look really good with hair. Not a full head, I'm thinking I could get her to regenerate a strip about three or four inches wide down the middle of your head. Spike it at first, then braid it when it gets longer…"

"You're not making me want to kill you any less."


	25. Aftermath

Joe's Note: We're actually going to take a turn for the serious here in this chapter, mostly because I want to start preparing now for when this story and its YAHF-based companion finally merge. _Welcome to the Universe_ as a whole will possess a more serious and slightly darker tone, and the currently unnamed third installment in this series will meet somewhere in the middle: lighter and more fun than _WttU_ but at the same time slightly more serious than _ACFFA_ because… let's be honest, this entire thing started as a joke during my alcoholic period. I never expected it to grow past a chapter or two, much less turn into two dozen chapters with more still to come and a sequel after them. While I'm not truly upset with where the story's gone, I also recognize that it's inherently unsustainable in its current form… and I'd like to keep it going for a while to come.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, Alonsis2, Connor, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Janne, Eric, DireSquirrel, Joseph, Jason, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Invernos, Paul, Pat, Joel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

Even with Grievous dead - or was he destroyed; was he even still organic enough to die? - and Asajj out of the fight, it took Cordelia and the others the better part of two hours to mop up the stubborn remainder of the Separatist invasion force. Evidently the droidekas and aqua droids had joined the B2 super battle droids in being able to function without a central coordinating computer, allowing them to continue to run wild long after the fleet in orbit had retreated. The havoc they wreaked allowed Cordelia to coordinate with Hiskari and smuggle Asajj to an unattended flight pod identical to the one that Amayra had shot out from under Grievous. But while the Dark Jedi escaped to return to her comrades on the other side of the war… the damage to Palpatine's grand plans for the Clone Wars had been done. And so it was with a sense of foreboding that she finally made her excuses, sneaking off to her temporary quarters on Kamino so that she could comm him.

"…so in conclusion, while technically Amayra was flying one of my fighters launched from my ship under my direction, I'm clearly not the one to blame for this fiasco because not only does Amayra have free will and she didn't have to shoot the flight pod down, but it's not my fault that Grievous had a Captain Kirk complex." Huffing, Cordelia crossed her arms over her armored chest as she glared down at the very judgmental-looking six inch tall hologram of Palpatine. "So there."

As an uncomfortable silence descended and then stretched onward, Cordelia began to fidget anxiously as the probing eyes of her superior bored into her. Finally, just as Cordelia was debating lunging forward and terminating the call, Palpatine spoke. "While in most cases I would simply nod, smile, and dismiss such a ramble as foolishness? I'm uncomfortably aware of how insightful you've proven to be in the past despite your strangeness. And so before we move onward to address this new wrinkle in our plans, I feel compelled to ask you… what exactly is a 'Captain Kirk complex'?" The brunette opened her mouth, only to be cut off by the hologram raising one hand. "A brief overview only, if you would."

Cordelia let out an exasperated sigh; one of these days, she really needed to sit down and explore the holonet to figure out how many of her favorite Earth things had analogs in this galaxy. Because she was getting really, really tired of being stuck in this position… and witty pop culture references weren't nearly as witty if nobody understood them. "He was a fictional starship captain on a television pro… holodrama on my homeworld. For some reason, the more dangerous a situation was, the more likely he was to leave his ship and get himself into the middle of it. In other words, if Grievous was an amazing tactician and general-slash-admiral for the Confederacy's forces? Why the fuck was he personally leading the attack on Kamino? Who thought that was a good idea? Because they're an idiot!"

Visibly taken aback by her sudden burst of anger, it took Palpatine a moment to regain his composure and then offer her an answer. "The answer to that should be obvious even to you, my young apprentice: he's one of the Confederacy's most effective force multipliers. Not only did he serve to keep an attached Jedi from completely routing the battle droids during any engagement he was present for, but his ability to quickly assess a tactical situation and adjust his units' orders in the middle of battle was quite frankly invaluable."

"Really? He was the only thing that the Separatists could field to fight Jedi? Because I feel like… I don't know." Cordelia put one hand on her hip as she began ticking off points on her fingers, only to find herself needing both hands as her list grew. "There's Asajj obviously; you sent her along today. Count fucking Dooku. Kadrian Sey. Quinlan Vos. Sora Bulq. Sev'rance Tann, who's right below Asajj on the list of people I want to convert before the Confederacy goes down in flames. Tol Skorr. Artel Darc. Oh yeah, and what about those creepy MagnaGuards that keep popping up and duking it out with the Jedi? One killed Master Sannen, even? I feel like all of them are pretty damn effective anti-Jedi weapons. Also, if his tactical skills are that invaluable to the Separatist war effort… why the hell did you have him charging at anything with a lightsaber?"

"He carried his own hatred against the Jedi that only grew when he became-"

"You're his boss! Write him up! Demote him until he gets his shit together! Oh wait, you can't because now he's dead!" Cordelia reached up, running a hand through her hair as she let out an exasperated groan. "And at the end of the day, that's our problem. He's dead. Dead-dead, unlike when he got blown the fuck up and your people put him back together as Grievous; I've got two full squads of subtroopers in the water right now but I'm pretty sure that they're not going to find anything. So now what?"

Steepling his fingers under his chin, Palpatine rested his elbows on his desk as he stared at her. "Given your unorthodox but effective problem-solving abilities coupled with your continuing - and fairly public - departure from core tenets of the Jedi Order… perhaps the time has come for you to openly declare your true allegiance."

* * *

It was nearly a full day before Cordelia could return to the command that she'd only just barely assumed before being forced to rush to Kamino to reinforce the existing defense forces. But despite wanting to kick back and relax for a while, she quickly found herself buried under the heaping pile of tasks that she'd put off before the battle: supervising the transfer of the majority of her belongings from the _Tethys_ to her new quarters aboard the _Ouranos_ , inspecting Hiskari's quarters to ensure they met her exacting requirements, meeting the woman who would captain the Dreadnaught in Cordelia's absence - and during most if not all battles - along with her department heads, touring the ship to see what the specifications Palpatine had sent her amounted to in real life, making sure that Aayla, her padawan, and her Sirens were all settled in… and seeing to her new daughters.

In the end, just over a year of plotting and scheming and planning had done absolutely nothing to prepare Cordelia for the reality of having true clones. The clonemedics that were currently streaming off of Kamino by the thousand, they didn't bother her nearly as much. Sure, they shared her appearance but apart from that and occasional glimpses of something vaguely resembling her wit and snark, they were nothing like her. But the 'Naughts', as Aayla had dubbed them? They walked like her, talked like her, thought like her, fought like her… for all intents and purposes, they were her. And to make matters worse, there were eight more of them tucked away in a lab in Timira City, waiting for someone to come and awaken them. But instead of filling her with glee the way she'd thought it would, it terrified her.

It had been all fun and games when the clones were nothing but an idea; Cordelia had loved to picture herself surrounded by a new circle of Cordettes who would agree with her on everything and be unshakably loyal to her because they were all her. But now as she looked back at that… she'd always thought of them as property. Hell, worse than property; Willow and Fred garnered more respect than she'd given the clones in her mind. Now that she was faced with the reality of their existence, it was impossible to ignore that they were in fact real people. Real people that she'd created pretty much as the punch line to a joke that she'd wanted to play on the galaxy. What was wrong with her? And better yet… what was she going to do with them now that they were here?

Tracking down her clones when the time came wasn't exactly hard; while there were roughly six hundred meters worth of _Ouranos_ for them to run around, the fact that they moved as a pack made their odd, slightly echo-y Force presences easier to pick out of the twenty-five hundred strong crowd. Given that she didn't quite loathe piloting, but it wasn't something she was really into, either? And they'd been grown using memory imprints of her mind? The hangar bay was the last place Cordelia expected to find her clones… and the fact that they were clustered around the head of the _Ouranos_ 's sole AT-TE was even weirder.

"The way I see it, ladies? Our mom isn't Padmé; she doesn't need a stunt double, much less an entire herd of them. There can only be one Cordelia Chase and none of us are her. We may be closer than the medics, but we're not her and we never will be." Evidently while she'd been occupied with other matters, her clones had gone and individuated themselves. Given that she hadn't been invited to that particular sleepover, Cordelia wasn't quite sure which of them was pacing back and forth in front of her three sisters… but her hair looked awesome as hell sporting streaks in Cordelia's signature shade of purple. "But while we need to find our own way in life, there's no reason to do it alone. So, my idea: let's take advantage of whatever this bond between us is, and use it to become an elite mechanized fighting force."

Well, that was unexpected. Hardly unwelcome, given that she'd been struggling to come up with a meaningful purpose for her clones herself, but definitely unexpected.

The three clones stared at the purple-streaked clone gesturing up at the head of the AT-TE for several seconds, and then the leftmost slowly raised her hand. "I was going to suggest that we wake up our remaining sisters and then exploit our bond to become an elite starfighter squadron… but we all hate piloting. Which essentially makes this a less terrible version of my own idea. Count me in, Rivoli."

…and they had names now? Not that Cordelia minded; she'd been planning to name them herself. She was just a little surprised that not only had they taken that sort of initiative, but that there wouldn't be any arguments over whether or not any of them got to be Cordelia too.

The middle clone shot another glance down at the datapad she was holding, snickering softly before voicing her thoughts. "According to the manifest, its official designation is AT-TE 69C. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Figure Rivoli will want to be the pilot since it was her idea. Dibs on being the spotter so that I can tell everyone else what to do."

"That leaves me with either turret gunner, mass-driver gunner, or running around in one of those weird little chicken walkers stuffed in the back of 69C. So… calling Left Chicken now, unless Madison wants to argue over it?" The clone to the right of the one holding the datapad looked across her sister, waiting for the leftmost clone to shake her head before stepping away from the others and gesturing to the empty space on the AT-TE's right. "But now I'm thinking… Madison, what if we combine your plan with Rivoli's? Once we wake up the rest of our sisters, the _Ouranos_ could easily fit another larty and four AT-XTs, or a second AT-TE with AT-RTs stuffed up its butt. Six or seven Force-coordinated walkers would be even better than three, right?"

The other three perked up at that, Madison making her way over to stand next to her still nameless sister before holding her hands up the same way Cordelia did when she was trying to visualize something. "That's… not a bad idea. And Rivoli's obviously out, but twenty bucks says that the rest of us are Mom-passing enough to get away with giving her minions orders. We wouldn't even need to-"

"Spoiler alert: Mom will be meeting with her senior officers tonight to implement a pass phrase system specifically so that her daughters can't pull that kind of shit." Pushing off the wall, Cordelia made her way over to the suddenly guilty-looking quartet as they grouped back up for safety, crossing her arms over her chest as she surveyed them imperiously. "So. Last time I saw you four, you were identical and had numbers instead of names. Not exactly protesting the changes, but can someone give me the Cliff notes so I know who I'm working with here?"

After exchanging looks, three of the four clones took a big step backward, unilaterally nominating Rivoli to serve as their spokeswoman. Looking back over one shoulder and then the other, she huffed before flipping her sisters off with both hands. "Traitors. Fine. I'm the awesomeness formerly known as Naught-One and yes, I named myself after Rue de Rivoli in Paris. Obviously, having your memories means that we know what you were planning to name us, or at least the system that you were going to use. So we used it. Carnaby is the one with the datapad…" And the only one with unaltered hair, Cordelia realized with a start, making her the biggest threat when it came to attempted impersonation. "…and the former Naught-Two. Naught-Three became Madison with the undercut, Naught-Four is straight-haired Venezia, and since I've been elected to be the one who shares things? Madi totally banged one of your Rent-a-Padawans before we left."

All eyes turned to Madison at that, the girl freezing in the act of pulling her hair back into a ponytail at the sudden scrutiny. And wow, she'd gone for like… a zero on the clippers when she'd gotten the sides of her head shaved. There was still peach fuzz left unlike with Asajj, but still. Wow. Definitely not a look that Cordelia would have chosen for herself. Had the Kaminoans forgotten to load a file or two into her? Because- "So? Do you guys know what the 'duch'da' in 'Duch'da Helse' means? It's basically a Hapan princess. I lost my virginity to a space princess. Beat that."

"Please, same-species lovers are so last dimension." Rivoli sniffed haughtily before turning up her nose at her sisters. "I'm setting my sights on Shaak Ti."

"So, now we know who's going to be the perpetually single cat lady out of the four of us…"

"Says the girl who struck out with Bitey McBiteface."

"I didn't strike out with Chadaara. I-"

"How the hell did you strike out with Chadaara? Thanks to the battle meld, we know that her standards are literally 'breathing' and 'sapient'." Cordelia held up her hand to cut off Venezia's response, shaking her head. "Rhetorical question. I really don't want to know. Moving on, why don't we head back to my quarters so that we can sit down, eat, and talk about what you want to do with your lives? That way I can help you achieve your dreams, instead of you needing to run around behind my back and impersonate me."

"…well that's no fun."

"I swear to God, Carnaby, I will put you over my knee and-"

"Not until we pick a safeword, you won't."

Ah. So Carnaby was going to end up being That Clone if Hiskari and Cordelia ever felt quite that adventurous. Good to know?


End file.
